The b-word.

Today was one of those hard parenting days. The kind where your heart breaks for your child because you can see the hurt in their eyes, the conflict between being good or giving in to the anger or fear.
We received a call from school today that Nicholas had called his friend a bad word after he fell on some ice and this friend laughed at him. As the friend laughed, Nick spat "You're a b*tch!"
If I had been there I may have laughed because I'm a momma bear and anyone that laughs at the expense of my kid is a selfish, malicious, unpleasant person. (as websters #3 definition says)
Rob and I waited for himto come home. We waited and waited, watching him not want to come home. Once he reached the door he stayed outside, I said we will just wait for him to come in. Nina finally opened the door to him when he was looking in the window, as if checking if the coast was clear. It tookhim 10 more minutes to come upstairs to where Rob and I were waiting. He had big crocodile tears, and he looked utterly defeated. I had told Rob he could be the "talker" but it became clear to me this boy needed tenderness and the opportunity to tell his side. We asked where he heard that word. (It is not in our regular vocabulary) After waiting out his "I don't knows" He told us that older kid on the playground had called him that when he told them to "get off the soccer field we are playing here." It saddens me that a) this language is used at such a young age and b)that the older kid took a cheap shot at somone younger and smaller then him instead of setting an example.
I guess my expectations are again too high.
We took our turns telling Nicholas what our expectaions are for him in situations like that and he did have to mouth a bar of soap, plus write a letter of apology to his friend for calling him a bad word.
We had also enlisted Papa to call and ask for an account of what happened. Papa asked him what he had called the boy and having just sucked on a bar of soap he was not going to say it again so he spelled it out bich. I had myself a good chuckle out of eye sight of course.
All we can do is love him, teach by example and hold him accountable for his actions.
He is a sweet, intelligent boy who is learning about life all around him, and some times that outside world is a whole lot more cruel and unfair then the world in our home.

In the moment

I've been trying to stay in the moment; trying to enjoy right where the moment finds me.
All too often I find myself accelerating forward to the next thing, the next thing, the next thing.
Conversations with my kids get cut short because my mind has already left the moment.
A moment that I could have spent on them, gone.
I am taking steps to stop, enjoy this, because when it comes to conversation, you need to listen NOW, when they talk about horses, pretty outfits and Sasquatches with robot hands...
Because all too soon the things you want them to tell you aren't going to be important enough to "bother you with."
Tonight at the dinner table conversation went to marriage, it started with Nick saying "I like yogurt raisins, their goooood."
Nina follows it up with: "I hate them, they are gross."
It is an ongoing thing at our house, one likes something so naturally the other can't possibly like it.
So I said to Nina: "Nina you are going to end up marrying someone who loves peanut butter."
It is the one thing she really REALLY hates.
"No I won't."
Rob and I both answer her: "Yes, yes you will."
Jinks!
Nick pipes in: "Oh yeah! You're gonna, and he'll want peanut butter every.day."
I laugh, he's funny.
So I give him one: "And Nick you're gonna marry someone who likes pasta!"
Something he doesn't really enjoy eating, we usually have to play the "no dessert if you don't eat" card with him when we have pasta.
He stuns me with his response.
"Yeah. Then I will change."
I looked at him, his eyes bright.
"Nicholas," I say sweetly "I am so glad to hear you say that. You can not go through life without changing. You my son have the best attitude."
Nina pipes in across the table "HEY!"
When ever he gets praise she pipes in with a "Hey!" that means: what about me, am I chopped liver?

No, not by a long shot, but she is in the phase where she doesn't want to listen, she has all the answers and she isn't afraid to say so.

We were driving the other day, she likes to sit in the front. Traffic was awful, we were driving by the university campus and I said "Must be a football game."
She said "Or hockey."
I wasn't sure if she was serious or being argumentative.
"Neen, it's football season." I said gently.
"Or it could be hockey."
Okay, now it's on.
"Nina, there is no hockey games being played right now."
"There could be."
"Nina, hockey season hasn't started yet. It's football season."
Okay point made move on.
"I think it's hockey."
My blood is starting to boil, this child is going to be right.
Nick pipes up from the back seat, "Nina there is no hockey games."
Yep even the one with selective hearing heard me right.
"Nick! You don't know!" She yells at him.
I admit I lost my temper.
"You do not get to be mad at him for telling you what you refuse to hear."
I told her that there is baseball, there is football, there is tennis, but the reality is; hockey season has not started and NO there was not a huge traffic jam near the campus because of hockey, it was a football game. FOOTBALL. Football. NOT hockey.
She was quiet the rest of the ride home. She was mad at me; not because I yelled at her, but because she wanted to be right.
Once my temper cooled, I asked her: "Nina, why do you constantly agrue with me? You think you know every thing and honestly sweetheart you do not."
She gets angry with anyone who corrects her. She knows what she knows and nobody is going to tell her different.
Wow, that is was so much like me.
Looking ahead I can see where this path is going to lead her, I've been there. Totally sucks when your pile of "rights" turn to the wrong sh!t. STINKS, oh baby does it stink, but it does fertilize the heart so  something TRUTHFUL can take root and grow...
I am so thankful she has a Daddy that can gently guide her, where her Mama is prone to push and pull her.
I think girls test their mother's; they have to; to see what they are made of. They need to see where they are going. Mother's have to be strong, we nuture and love and teach all because someday we have to be strong enough to let them go. Our precious workmanship will now be tested. Mother's have to be strong for that.
Daddy's teach a girl how the world is going to view her, a Mother teaches her how she should see should view the world and how not to let that affect how she sees herself.

Again I say I am so thankful that my daughter has a Daddy that is kind and totally in love with her, very unlike the dad I grew up with.

Nick was a lively bugger tonight adding that he's going to be just like his Daddy!
"I'm gonna drink beer, hang out with my friends and eat hot sauce!"
Rob: "You are not drinking beer until you are 21."
Nick:" You weren't 21 when you started drinking beer."
Rob: "The law was 19 back then Nick. It's 21 now."
Nick: "Well I'm gonna change the law then, cause God is great, beer is good and people are crazy."
We busted out laughing.
Nick: "What?!? Billy Carrington is a smart guy!"

Now had I not been in the moment I would have missed that nugget.

Butter's Birthday!

Sunday was Butter's 7th birthday. I still am in shock over the fact that she is NOW 7. Where on earth did that time go? One of her Christmas gifts was an AMerican Girl Doll, Ruthie. She also got a matching dress set. Seen here:
She will be having the Family birthday party on Sunday and the Sunday after that is her GIRL party.

Here she is opening one of her gifts...

She had guessed it was a doll house, I was trying to tell her OTHER things were shaped like that too. As you can see on her face she is saying to me "I TOLD you it was a doll house!"

Yep, she told me alright, still doesn't change the fact that she loved it and has been playing with it non-stop for three days now!

We took her out for Crab legs for her birthday dinner. I was SHOCKED that my picky children ate at Red Lobster and asked to go back! Roo had popcorn Shrimp and Butter Crab legs. They won't eat Thanksgiving dinner but they want Red Lobster! GO figure!

Monday she decided she wanted her ears pierced. I asked her over and over again if she really wanted to. We have gone through this several times, where she says she does, we go in and then she chickens out. We went up to the store and she was brave going in, but then the nerves hit. She tuned out and wouldn't listen to me, she became frozen in her fear. I knew she was ready. She's been toying with the idea for months now. She is a lot like me, in that our fear of the unknown, fear of there being pain can paralyze us where we stand. I also knew that as soon as the pain was over she'd love them, and feel like the big girl she is. I looked like the meanest mom on the planet, forcing my child up into the chair and saying "We're doing this TODAY!"

The Girl came over and talked to her, I could see her relax a bit. She cried after the first one and got squirmy. I talked her down, gave her a hug and told to hold still we still had one more to do. She grit her teeth and finished it out. She cried a bit again but once she saw her earrings she was all smiles. I was so proud of her!

Part 2 of the Worst Day

Ahh, yes that time of year that is forever documented in our history as to how we looked and how "fashionable" we were. Ok thought we were! My mom likes to rib me on the outfit of choice throughout my high school years. Fresh off the Gongo, Gappy, Muppet years of Jr. high. (those were all the names I was called) Again with the necklace. Arrgh. I was in all of my pictures wearing some form of jewelery. Let me explain the names for you.
Gongo for the glasses, Gappy for the teeth and Muppet because I was stick thin and had a big head, with big hair. These names hurt beyond belief. I switched districts and High School went better...

This wasn't a "school picture" but a picture taken at school, after gym. To show you how scary skinny I was. That is me in the red. Trust me when I say I ate like a horse! Love the crop top and Candy striper shirt. Oh, so the outfit of choice...because I was so thin I wanted to "bulk up" I'd wear long johns under boxer shorts, high top Nike sneakers with a long t-shirt over my "pants". It hid my achingly thin body. All I can say is, I wasn't the only one who wore it, it was cool...and at least I was covered up. Not like the way it is now. Check out the red Sally Jesse glasses! My partner Jeff and I won our Ballroom dance contest for gym. No disco ball trophy but I got a ribbon!

This is one of my Senior pictures. I never grew out of the stripes. Red is one of my favorite colors. As you can see, the glasses are gone, the hair...well, perms were big. And those teeth! Thank God for braces! Going from geek to sheek is no small feat. It was painful. I ended my High school career on a high note...Gongo Gappy Muppet was chosen by her peers to give the graduation speech. Oh yes! I do not hang out with any of my classmates we never "stayed in touch." While they all went off to college, I went off to Boston to be a nanny. I grew up out there. It made me realize I wanted a family.I met Peaches in a bar. I'm not the bar kind. We met on a Sat. Three weeks to the day we were engaged. That is a story to tell on Oct. 7...

Here is Butter before she left this morning. I did my part. I blew dry, combed out, curled and primped her hair. Now it's up to the professionals. YES, I did send a note asking to smooth her hair if needed! She doesn't need to have scary pictures taunting her the rest of her life. Her outfits will do that for her! LOL!

The Worst Day

We are counting down to the worst day of the school year...dum dum dummm Picture day (cue 'Psycho' music.) In honor of said day and the fact that Halloween is just around the corner I thought I'd give ya all a little scare.

This is me first day of Kindergarten. Love the poncho, and yes kids that is a Hello Kitty bag. Now it gets scary. This is my Kindergarten picture. What the heck happened?

You can stop laughing now. I was going through a jewelery phase. Necklace & Pin. Nice! Hair ribbons, check. Cute dress, check. Hair all in place? HAIR ALL IN PLACE! Seriously, did no one notice the piece sticking out the side of my head??? Where was the Teacher, surly this falls under contractual things she must do? How about the "Professional" photographer? This is definitely part of his job description! I want photoshop!

This is my hubby's K. class. That's him in the front row looking off to the side. He said that was his better side. Love all the muted colors. Then again the 80's haven't hit.

Ok back to me. (Can you tell I need therapy for all this?) Again Pin & Necklace. Cute blouse. At least my hair is normal. My teeth are gappy. I shouldn't have sucked my finger...

And here's Peaches again. 8th grade. Nicely feathered hair, he's still growing into his teeth. And Brown. He literally wore brown in ALL his school pictures. I can't say whether that was him or his Mom. Part 2 tomorrow...

On a side note yes I did change my layout. I am one of those people that moves her furniture around once a month so blog has to get changed too.

My Moon

These were pictures I took of Butter, gasp, 5 years ago. Summer was ending, and I must have seen some prints of kids with flowers. For all the pain and stress and worry she brought me in pregnancy she more then made up for as a baby. She slept well. Ate well. She was a happy, easy baby.

She was a good sport being the "first". All the outfits and pictures and crazy things first time moms put those first babies through...

I never called her a princess. She wasn't to me, I knew that just below those chubby cheeks and sweet giggle lay an independent sass of a girl waiting to burst forth and tell the world here I am and I don't wait for stars to wish upon, I light my own way! It was like she was watching me, sucking up the limits and boundaries. Then slowly she started to make her world her own. By that I mean picking her own clothes, choosing her breakfast and lunches, where her furniture in her room went. What color to paint her room. She has opinions. She is not afraid to speak her mind around us and often times tries to instruct Peaches and I on what we need to do. I am not complaining. I am proud that my girl is sassy. I was/am sassy, I get her in a way that my mother never understood in me. In class she is thoughtful, helpful and a good listener. Once she is set free to do...it's all HER way. I am so proud of her.

I could she how strong she'd be even back then. I can't wait to see what she has in store for the world the next 5 years...and the 5 years after that...and after that. She is definitely no body's princess. She is the Moon. The Earth doesn't revolve around her, She chooses to revolve around the Earth, making her own space, watching everything from above it. Once a month she SHINES bright as the sun and once a month you wonder where she went? Then there she is again glowing magically before your eyes.

And There He Goes...

We had a busy weekend. The weather has cooled off here and fall is in the air.

Butter is an old pro at riding the bus! We have convinced the bus driver to pick her up at the driveway instead of three houses down and across the street. (She has to then cross the street again to get on the bus.) Which gave me the willies. So the driver switched the stop for us. Today however is not about Butter, It's about Roo. It was his first day of preschool.

He waited all day for me to say "It's time to go." As soon as we got there he rushed off to his room. The class was outside, he raced out the door and never looked back! I'm starting to get the feeling my kids don't like me!! Both of them just blindly go off into the world without a second look back at their mother. No encouragement needed. Maybe it's because I've loved them well that they know I'm there to catch them, to come home to. Yeah, I'll go with that one.

I am SO proud of him, no accidents. (we are still potty training...) When I picked him up, he was the LAST one to stop playing. His teacher had to tell him it was time to go.

As we walked to the car I asked how was school? Did he like it? In his silly voice he said "no I no like school I never go back." This of course is farthest from the truth. Peaches and I have already braced ourselves for the fact that we will get several calls from teachers about our silly boy who loves to joke and clown around! After we got home He badgered me to snuggle him. It was a good 30 minutes before he had his fill of me. I guess he did miss me after all. He was so wore out and refused to admit it. (No naps on school days) Poor Peaches was trying to watch the Vikings game and Roo was being a maniac.

I told him "You are out of control! It is time to settle down." To which he looked me straight in the eye, held my face in his hands and said very softly "Mom, I not out of control, I Roo." Yeah, You are my Roo.

First day of school

It was a crazy day Thursday. Butter's first day of school, I was so proud of her! Peaches and I have been telling her all week that she had to set her clothes out for school the night before and come upstairs dressed and ready for school. She kept saying "I know. I KNOW!" But would still come upstairs in her jammies. Well not Thursday! She was dressed and ready. When I put her to bed she had already picked her clothes for today! (Friday) My heart just beams for what a big girl she is turning into.

I was not having a good morning I couldn't find the camera, what mother doesn't have a camera to take a picture of the first day of school? I retraced all my steps and realized it was stolen out of the car when we stopped for groceries. I was so upset. I took the video camera to the bus stop with us...in which you see the bus pull up, Butter race off to get on and the doors close in my face! She didn't say goodbye or even look back! The only one with tears was Roo, he wanted to go on the bus too! (Sooner then you think Roo boy!) After she left I had to run and buy film for the 35mm. Gosh is that stuff expensive! And wouldn't you know it the digital camera turned up!

That is a long story I care NOT to repeat. But lets just say I am relieved it turned out. Nick and I waited out in the driveway for Butter to get dropped off at Noon. Her bus was 20 minutes late. I was going to wait 10 more minutes then call the school! So the bus stops I've got both cameras going and the first thing Butter says as she's pointing to the bus is "Can I go to her house? She wants me to come for lunch?" I'm thinking "Who's her? and Why, hello Butter, how was your first day of school!" I gently said not today and THAT was the end of the conversation. She refused to even look at me or talk to me.( Keep in mind the video camera is still going!) I asked if I could take her picture since I missed it that morning, she did appease me by standing by the tree. Through out the rest of the day I would ask about school... no concrete answers. All I can say is she raced to the bus again today and was dressed and ready to go. I'm just guessing here but I think she LOVES it. Next up Roo's first day is Monday afternoon.

Update for Tee: She is continuing to feel better. She was released yesterday and will start school Monday. She is such a brave girl.

Nina Butter

In just a few short weeks Nina will be starting her school "career." I am excited for her. I've watched how she's grown in preschool. Now she is unto the "big time" She has become such a wonderful helper. Her brother would say she's bossy. I happen to like that. I had that instinct when I was her age. I still have it at times. It served me well. I never fell into the peer pressure trap. I stood up for myself and followed my own path. I hope that Nina does the same. What I am looking forward to most is seeing her develop her social butterfly wings!

The other night she asked if she could take our picture. Look at what a nice job she did? Maybe she'll be a photographer? Whatever she becomes, she is my precious Butter girl! I haven't told the story of Butter. When Nina was born and brought to me for the first time, I bent down to kiss her. There was this wonderful, sweet, buttery smell coming from her. This "butter" smell lasted until she was a year old. So that is where Butter comes from. Nicholas has a name too, ROO. I'll tell that story tomorrow!

The Wedding

With the summer humidity rising and keeping us inside with the air conditioning, our imaginations start working overtime. That is not a bad thing. But I do have to giggle with some of the things the kids come up with. Butter talked her brother into holding a princess wedding.

Complete with fluffy princess skirts and flowers.

Roo was actually more picky of the "dress." He couldn't wear just "any old thing" it had to be just right. It had to twirl and float. And the flowers had to match the dresses, no kidding!

And it was sealed with a kiss. I keep reminding them; they can't marry their brother or sister.I love that Roo is starting to "boss" Butter back. If she doesn't do things his way he lets us all know. Good for you Roo! These two love to "beat" each other. As in I finished first. Everything becomes a race. I hope I can teach them that sometimes it good to slow down and "smell the roses."

Bloomin' right

They grow up so fast don't they? Those tiny fingers and toes turn into instruments used to play, paint, grab and sometimes in the weak moments inflict pain to a sibling who won't stop bugging them.

Butter is my mini mama. She loves being bossy. She loves "telling" Roo all about what she knows. And at 5 she know it all. Although it's cloudy today and she was doing a good job telling us where rain comes from..."The cloud suck up the water from the ground and when the clouds are full God makes it rain..."

Roo is a liner-upper. Cars, trucks,rocks. He lines them all up. They both love to draw and paint. They made sunflowers at VBC.


Butter had to point out to Roo that her flower looked like it's suppose too, with seeds in the middle. I don't know I kinda like that Roo's is all smeared together It reminds me when you stare at something long enough it blurs together.

Regardless, they are both special. And exactly the way that God meant them to be. Butter is particular and observant. Roo is see it, be it, do it, done. So different and so unique. Just like the flowers they made. Just how God's flowers are. Blooming just right...in God's hand and time.

Today I plan to work on my study and go pick up a new book, since I finished the one I was reading with all this "ME" time. OH, how I love this free time. (I've been crock pot cooking too. So I save time in the evening.) Here are a few books I recommend.

Susie is so gifted at reaching out to a women's heart. And just a warning Firefly Line will have you bawling your eyes out, laughing till you gut hurts and taking you back to training bras and mad crushes. Enjoy!

A taste of freedom

Today was my first morning without the kiddos! They started vacation bible school and I had 3 hours to myself. So what did I do, the same thing I usually do, laundry! But there was a difference. I had no interruptions. No, I have to go potty or I want a snack or when is lunch?
Just peace and quiet. It was amazing. I have been a SHM for going on six years. Did I have a life before kids...I can't even remember that. Butter starts kindergarten in the fall and Roo preschool 3 days a week. I can almost taste the freedom. I say freedom because I am looking forward to the time when I can get out there and DO something again. Volunteer, write for myself again, go to bible study or lunch with friends. I have loved every second of seeing them grow into these little people. I gasp to think someday they'll be on the verge of adulthood. But for now it's the wonder and joy of seeing them sent out into the world and coming home having learned something new that for once I didn't teach.