It is Mother's day, usually spent celebrating your own mother or being a mother...
I think about why I hate being a mother, now before you go and make judgments about what I just said keep reading it's not what you might be thinking.
From the earliest memory, I wanted to be a mommy. When I got pregnant we prayed for a healthy baby. When we brought our girl home, they let us. I mean they just let two random people who had very little experience with a newborn take her and assume she would be okay!
While she was little it was easy keeping her safe, we would just put her in a pack and play or in her crib, nice and safe. Then the walking started and suddenly you had to be on high alert at all time...nobody told us about that part.
As the years pass, nobody tells you about worrying about whether they will make friends in school, be good students, and find learning easy.
Butter was invited to a swim/slumber birthday party at a hotel just this weekend. When we got the invite I was very hesitant to let her go at all, I lightened up and said she could go for a few hours, but no to the sleep over. First, we had never met the child, second, we had never met the parents and third, I have a fear of bedbugs...
Nobody told me, when I gave birth to my daughter that I would have to face these slumber party issues? Trusting other parents with my child...praying they are not sicko perverts.
I hate that about being a mother, it makes me look at everyone as a potential pedophile. I hate being a mother that asks 20 questions of people that come in regular contact with my children to gage whether or not they have the same views/values on parenting as we do, most people understand...others have their own sense of what is appropriate, like drinking with friends while you are throwing a swim/slumber birthday party for your child...
I hate being a mother when I have to tell my kids tough stuff, like getting cancer, or dying, or how their friends aren't really their friends if they call them names and act mean to them.
I hate being a mother, when I have to hear about my child getting bullied at school and knowing this is only the beginning.
I hate being a mother and having to explain things like shaving to my 9 year old daughter, because she is already feeling gross about hair on her legs and I still see her as my sweet chubby cheeked baby girl who can't possibly be old enough to care about how her legs look!
This is the same girl who hates being told to brush her teeth at least twice a day! Nobody told us that hairy legs would be more of a bother then bad breath! What?!
Nobody told us about the talks I'd have to have with my 7 year old son about not collecting money for watching the neighbor girl, who happens to be a pastors daughter, dance. That what he is in fact doing is "pimping" and that,my friends,is definitely something I hate about being a mother! And NObody tells you about the conversations you'll have to have about penis' and what the do and how its a private thing...
Or "I don't care what so and so does, says, wears, buys...I am your Mother and in this house we..."
Hate.about.being.a.mother.
When you first become a mother, you feel like all your hopes and all your dreams have come true, but what I hate about becoming a mother is all too soon they are grown.
All too soon, they are walking and talking, going to school, driving, going off to college, getting married...having babies, and it all happens in a blink of an eye! Only your eyes still see them as they did that first time you laid eyes upon their sweet innocent, beautiful faces.
I don't really hate being a mother, actually I love every aching moment of it. There is no greater privilege, no greater joy and no greater heart-ache; then being a mother.
There is nothing I'd rather be.
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Monday, January 31, 2011
Home Depot made it right.
I gotta say that after yesterday I never thought I'd say that stores name again unless it was followed by "sucks".
I did all the things one would do.
I wrote Home Depot an email explaining what happened to us, and when I hit the send button I got an error page, which I thought was pretty ironic since their costumer service was so stellar. (dripping with sarcasm.)
It sighed and said well, they wouldn't look at us in the store so why would they want to hear about our experience on their website under contact us.
I blogged about it, I facebooked about it, I sent an email to our local paper "the Watchdog" who intervenes on consumer's behalf when they can't get anywhere.
So imagine my surprise when I got home this afternoon and found there were 3 voice mails from Home Depot.
The first one came from Corporate headquarters.
The other two were from our local store: The General Manager and Assistant Manager respectively.
All of them sincerely wanting to talk to me about my experience and make things right.
I sat there, breathing in and out.
In ~ patience, mercy...
Out ~ resentment, hostility...
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
With each new breath debating whether or not I should call.
Could I explain myself in a calm, collected manner?
Did they deserve the chance?
In the end it was my need to be heard that won. I was looking for nothing in return, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to tell them they had a policy and they wouldn't honor it and then they simply disregarded us. That is was wrong, dishonest.
If not for us, then hopefully a change would come from this and someone else would benefit.
That was what I hoped for when I decided to call them back.
It was the sincerity in the voices that gave me the courage to call.
I first talked to Grant, at our local store, he is the assistant manager.
He was kind, concerned and humbly apologized.
He made us an offer and then asked if I could hold just a moment because his boss, the GM, wanted to talk to me.
Barely 5 seconds pasted and I was speaking to another kind, concerned voice; Jeff.
He humbly apologized and told me "I want you to know things will be handled, and that's putting it nicely." when I told him the name of the employee who *cough* helped us last night.
We chatted about their policy, I asked a gazillion questions. He assured me.
I told him I only wanted what I thought was fair. A price match. Again he assured me.
We were speaking the same language, on the same page, seeing eye to eye.
He asked us to please come back in, let them earn our business back.
I told him I'd have to talk it over with my husband.
We talked it over with his Dad. (His dad was there the night before and witnessed the poor treatment, and let me tell you, it takes A LOT to rile Gary. He was even ready to to boycott H.D.)
I did my research and realized that the machine we had purchased & canceled was "miss represented" to us. The salesman told us it had a steam feature, it did not.
The upgraded model was the one that had steam. It was also nearly $300 more in price.
I found a price online I would be willing to pay for the upgraded model. The price included tax and shipping. I also brought along a price quote for the model without the steam feature, just in case.
Grant came and met us when we got to the store, He sat down with us, apologized again and reiterated that they wanted to make this right.
I showed him the price matches I found, Rob explained the miss-representation on the lower model and one that had the steam feature.
Grant offered us the upgraded model for the online price of the lower no steam model.
That was a huge difference in price in our favor.
I declined.
I told him we would pay the price I found for the exact model as long as he matched that price.
I think he was stunned.
I know my husband was! Sorry Honey, I'm too honest.
It was the fair and honest thing to do.
I hate dishonesty, it crushes my spirit and felt that it would be dishonest of me to take advantage to this situation. They had already offered to give us the pedestal free.
We agreed on the price, got 10% off because it got the energy star discount.
Rob and I walked out of there in disbelief. We thought we were going to get the pedestal price matched. They did one better, the price matched an upgraded machine and gave us the pedestal.
They turned it around, they took our needs and our concerns and honored their policy.
Which is all we wanted in the first place.
Thank you Home Depot, for answering my email, when I didn't even know it actually went through!
For passing it on to our store.
Thank you to Jeff, who was honest with me, listened to my concerns and answered my questions. Who restored trust.
And a BIG THANK YOU to Grant who made us feel like costumers, who gave us his attention, for showing his concern and for caring about making a wrong situation right.
I did all the things one would do.
I wrote Home Depot an email explaining what happened to us, and when I hit the send button I got an error page, which I thought was pretty ironic since their costumer service was so stellar. (dripping with sarcasm.)
It sighed and said well, they wouldn't look at us in the store so why would they want to hear about our experience on their website under contact us.
I blogged about it, I facebooked about it, I sent an email to our local paper "the Watchdog" who intervenes on consumer's behalf when they can't get anywhere.
So imagine my surprise when I got home this afternoon and found there were 3 voice mails from Home Depot.
The first one came from Corporate headquarters.
The other two were from our local store: The General Manager and Assistant Manager respectively.
All of them sincerely wanting to talk to me about my experience and make things right.
I sat there, breathing in and out.
In ~ patience, mercy...
Out ~ resentment, hostility...
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
With each new breath debating whether or not I should call.
Could I explain myself in a calm, collected manner?
Did they deserve the chance?
In the end it was my need to be heard that won. I was looking for nothing in return, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to tell them they had a policy and they wouldn't honor it and then they simply disregarded us. That is was wrong, dishonest.
If not for us, then hopefully a change would come from this and someone else would benefit.
That was what I hoped for when I decided to call them back.
It was the sincerity in the voices that gave me the courage to call.
I first talked to Grant, at our local store, he is the assistant manager.
He was kind, concerned and humbly apologized.
He made us an offer and then asked if I could hold just a moment because his boss, the GM, wanted to talk to me.
Barely 5 seconds pasted and I was speaking to another kind, concerned voice; Jeff.
He humbly apologized and told me "I want you to know things will be handled, and that's putting it nicely." when I told him the name of the employee who *cough* helped us last night.
We chatted about their policy, I asked a gazillion questions. He assured me.
I told him I only wanted what I thought was fair. A price match. Again he assured me.
We were speaking the same language, on the same page, seeing eye to eye.
He asked us to please come back in, let them earn our business back.
I told him I'd have to talk it over with my husband.
We talked it over with his Dad. (His dad was there the night before and witnessed the poor treatment, and let me tell you, it takes A LOT to rile Gary. He was even ready to to boycott H.D.)
I did my research and realized that the machine we had purchased & canceled was "miss represented" to us. The salesman told us it had a steam feature, it did not.
The upgraded model was the one that had steam. It was also nearly $300 more in price.
I found a price online I would be willing to pay for the upgraded model. The price included tax and shipping. I also brought along a price quote for the model without the steam feature, just in case.
Grant came and met us when we got to the store, He sat down with us, apologized again and reiterated that they wanted to make this right.
I showed him the price matches I found, Rob explained the miss-representation on the lower model and one that had the steam feature.
Grant offered us the upgraded model for the online price of the lower no steam model.
That was a huge difference in price in our favor.
I declined.
I told him we would pay the price I found for the exact model as long as he matched that price.
I think he was stunned.
I know my husband was! Sorry Honey, I'm too honest.
It was the fair and honest thing to do.
I hate dishonesty, it crushes my spirit and felt that it would be dishonest of me to take advantage to this situation. They had already offered to give us the pedestal free.
We agreed on the price, got 10% off because it got the energy star discount.
Rob and I walked out of there in disbelief. We thought we were going to get the pedestal price matched. They did one better, the price matched an upgraded machine and gave us the pedestal.
They turned it around, they took our needs and our concerns and honored their policy.
Which is all we wanted in the first place.
Thank you Home Depot, for answering my email, when I didn't even know it actually went through!
For passing it on to our store.
Thank you to Jeff, who was honest with me, listened to my concerns and answered my questions. Who restored trust.
And a BIG THANK YOU to Grant who made us feel like costumers, who gave us his attention, for showing his concern and for caring about making a wrong situation right.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Speechless
I have been struggling lately with worthlessness; feeling like my prayers are falling on deaf ears; wondering if God has time for little ole me. Is he tired of me? Tired of the same prayers: There she goes again...
It is funny and not ha ha, how my mind does that to me; tells me that I'm not that important, or there is bigger things He is attending to. My plea is, well, just background noise in His to do list.
I woke one evening, or rather I was up late and waited for my husband to go out for his paper route and I sobbed. I cried out "I need you! I'm sinking..."
I let it all out, and in the morning I felt released. Though the stress was still there, I had a overall "I can do this attitude."
I had lunch with a dear friend, who so lovingly encouraged me. I met another for coffee. Both were cherished visits.
Friday I had plans with my Mom, which if you've been reading long that relationship is a work in progress. We were going to go to a craft show together. I love browsing. My daughter was with, so it was just us girls. A rare treat. Mom had a big bag of caramel corn waiting for us. Yum.
After the craft show I needed to go to the jewelery store which is ONLY on that side of town to get my ring checked and a new back for some earrings, as we were driving over I saw JC Penny's and asked to stop there. I am in need of a new winter jacket. The one I've been wearing has broken the zipper twice, I got it repaired once at a tailor that cost nearly as much as a new jacket! As we were browsing the store I found some fun tops on clearance. After filling my arms we all headed to the fitting room. I worked my way through the pile. Some were pretty, some looked better on the hanger and one got oohs and ahhs from Mom and Butter. Everything goes through the filter want vs. need. The truth was I needed a new jacket, the top was pretty, but even for less then $15 it was taking away from the need. I put all the tops back on the rack and headed for the jackets. While I was trying things on I noticed my mom was holding the blouse. I asked her what she was doing with it and she said "I'm going to get it for you."
I laughed and said "Well I guess I know what I'm getting for Christmas!" She said "It's not for Christmas, I think you should have it."
This is a woman who will not go to the movies unless it is budgeted one month in advance!
I was shocked and humbled by her generosity.
Yesterday we got hammered with snow, it was a two plower. (meaning we had to plow/shovel twice in one day) So the mail never got brought in. We remembered the mail this afternoon. I received a card from the friend I had lunch with. In it she told me she felt God asking her to obey him by treating me to lunch, but that afternoon she decided to do it next time. She went on to say that he kept nudging her and within that card was a very generous "treat". It wasn't until I read her words that I started putting things together.
This weekend I was blessed in two very different ways, by two different people. People whom I could only except from that it was GOD's work, speaking to me about my worth, how He is taking care of me and that He LOVES me and I am deserving of His blessing.
As I clear the tears from my eyes, I can only say I am speechless.
I know that this struggle of worth will not end for me until I get to Heaven, but it's these times, His reaching down to remind me that I AM HIS, HE IS LISTENING, and I AM LOVED.
I am humbled, speechless and my heart is saying a millions praises.
It is funny and not ha ha, how my mind does that to me; tells me that I'm not that important, or there is bigger things He is attending to. My plea is, well, just background noise in His to do list.
I woke one evening, or rather I was up late and waited for my husband to go out for his paper route and I sobbed. I cried out "I need you! I'm sinking..."
I let it all out, and in the morning I felt released. Though the stress was still there, I had a overall "I can do this attitude."
I had lunch with a dear friend, who so lovingly encouraged me. I met another for coffee. Both were cherished visits.
Friday I had plans with my Mom, which if you've been reading long that relationship is a work in progress. We were going to go to a craft show together. I love browsing. My daughter was with, so it was just us girls. A rare treat. Mom had a big bag of caramel corn waiting for us. Yum.
After the craft show I needed to go to the jewelery store which is ONLY on that side of town to get my ring checked and a new back for some earrings, as we were driving over I saw JC Penny's and asked to stop there. I am in need of a new winter jacket. The one I've been wearing has broken the zipper twice, I got it repaired once at a tailor that cost nearly as much as a new jacket! As we were browsing the store I found some fun tops on clearance. After filling my arms we all headed to the fitting room. I worked my way through the pile. Some were pretty, some looked better on the hanger and one got oohs and ahhs from Mom and Butter. Everything goes through the filter want vs. need. The truth was I needed a new jacket, the top was pretty, but even for less then $15 it was taking away from the need. I put all the tops back on the rack and headed for the jackets. While I was trying things on I noticed my mom was holding the blouse. I asked her what she was doing with it and she said "I'm going to get it for you."
I laughed and said "Well I guess I know what I'm getting for Christmas!" She said "It's not for Christmas, I think you should have it."
This is a woman who will not go to the movies unless it is budgeted one month in advance!
I was shocked and humbled by her generosity.
Yesterday we got hammered with snow, it was a two plower. (meaning we had to plow/shovel twice in one day) So the mail never got brought in. We remembered the mail this afternoon. I received a card from the friend I had lunch with. In it she told me she felt God asking her to obey him by treating me to lunch, but that afternoon she decided to do it next time. She went on to say that he kept nudging her and within that card was a very generous "treat". It wasn't until I read her words that I started putting things together.
This weekend I was blessed in two very different ways, by two different people. People whom I could only except from that it was GOD's work, speaking to me about my worth, how He is taking care of me and that He LOVES me and I am deserving of His blessing.
As I clear the tears from my eyes, I can only say I am speechless.
I know that this struggle of worth will not end for me until I get to Heaven, but it's these times, His reaching down to remind me that I AM HIS, HE IS LISTENING, and I AM LOVED.
I am humbled, speechless and my heart is saying a millions praises.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Holding my thoughts captive.
Yep.
That is what I am working on.
That is what I've been working on.
Holding my thoughts captive, and reminding myself how God sees me.
God
Not my neighbor
Not how I think society sees me.
Not my in-laws, out-laws, fancy paws or snore saws.
*Dr. Seuss would be proud.
God.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
There will be tears
There are some changes happening around here.
Hubby found out that the company he works for is being sold.
Yesterday, we found out who the buyers are and that Rob will indeed keep his job.
We don't have any details other then that.
These last few years have been tough on us. Financially, and mentally.
When we are faced with adversity Rob and I bond together, we go into it hand in hand.
I haven't been feeling that lately. As a matter of fact I've felt frozen out.
He doesn't want me to worry, or be scared.
I am grateful for that, but we've always done it together.
I asked him last night, if he would like it if I told him things "on a need to know" basis. I asked him how it would make him feel if I only told him things I knew for sure.
{Which, let's be honest, wouldn't be a whole heck of a lot!}
He told me he didn't have any "feelings", that he was indifferent to it all.
I told him that it felt like he was becoming indifferent to us, to me.
We used to share our hopes and dreams.
One of his dreams was to run the company when his uncle retired, and that my friends is happening right now...his uncle is retiring, but decided to sell the company to someone else. Someone that was a peer for my husband and now he will be Rob's boss.
I do not for one second believe that a dream not coming true leaves one; as caring and warm as my husband is, indifferent.
That just simply can't be true.
It can leave someone numb for awhile, but indifferent, no.
Rob asked me "What are you afraid of? Because it feels to me like there is more to it."
How often do we admit our greatest, deepest fears?
If you are like me, never! Because to speak it would surely mean it'll happen, right? The devil will come up behind you and take that knowledge and plot and scheme. Even if he can't make it happen he sure as heck can work at your mind...
My greatest fear is to be alone.
Wow shocker huh?
I grew up feeling like I didn't matter, I was right there in a family that treated me like I was the dust bunny in the corner. Every now and then it would get cleaned, but eventually it would find it's way back in the corner where it was forgotten. In my relationship with my husband was the first time I ever felt like I belonged somewhere. That I had found "home". It took me a long time to trust that God had put Rob in my life for that reason. I still have doubts about why Rob chose me; that I am enough... So when I feel him pulling back, freezing me out, keeping things inside; I am smacked full on with my fear of being alone.
There are probably a couple of great verses I could put here about God being our strength in times of trial; but the truth for me is that I've been taught that words mean very little, actions speak. Hearing words when action is needed doesn't work for me.
And that is because in Christian terms I am a baby. My walk with Jesus has only just begun, I have not been on the path long enough to trust the word. I have not had good mentors and leaders that have gone on the path before me. I would be Thomas, I would need to touch the scars to believe...
Sometimes I need to be the strong one, because that is the only way to test my faith, test my strength. If you had big muscles and never used them, they wouldn't be big for very long right?
It is the same in marriage: if one is always the strength and one is always the leaner, rest never happens, building never happens.
One becomes lazy, the other weak and tired.
What I know for sure, is God is using this as a learning experience for us. I am not in control, Rob is not in control; but God is and there will be tears. There always is when growth is needed.
Hubby found out that the company he works for is being sold.
Yesterday, we found out who the buyers are and that Rob will indeed keep his job.
We don't have any details other then that.
These last few years have been tough on us. Financially, and mentally.
When we are faced with adversity Rob and I bond together, we go into it hand in hand.
I haven't been feeling that lately. As a matter of fact I've felt frozen out.
He doesn't want me to worry, or be scared.
I am grateful for that, but we've always done it together.
I asked him last night, if he would like it if I told him things "on a need to know" basis. I asked him how it would make him feel if I only told him things I knew for sure.
{Which, let's be honest, wouldn't be a whole heck of a lot!}
He told me he didn't have any "feelings", that he was indifferent to it all.
I told him that it felt like he was becoming indifferent to us, to me.
We used to share our hopes and dreams.
One of his dreams was to run the company when his uncle retired, and that my friends is happening right now...his uncle is retiring, but decided to sell the company to someone else. Someone that was a peer for my husband and now he will be Rob's boss.
I do not for one second believe that a dream not coming true leaves one; as caring and warm as my husband is, indifferent.
That just simply can't be true.
It can leave someone numb for awhile, but indifferent, no.
Rob asked me "What are you afraid of? Because it feels to me like there is more to it."
How often do we admit our greatest, deepest fears?
If you are like me, never! Because to speak it would surely mean it'll happen, right? The devil will come up behind you and take that knowledge and plot and scheme. Even if he can't make it happen he sure as heck can work at your mind...
My greatest fear is to be alone.
Wow shocker huh?
I grew up feeling like I didn't matter, I was right there in a family that treated me like I was the dust bunny in the corner. Every now and then it would get cleaned, but eventually it would find it's way back in the corner where it was forgotten. In my relationship with my husband was the first time I ever felt like I belonged somewhere. That I had found "home". It took me a long time to trust that God had put Rob in my life for that reason. I still have doubts about why Rob chose me; that I am enough... So when I feel him pulling back, freezing me out, keeping things inside; I am smacked full on with my fear of being alone.
There are probably a couple of great verses I could put here about God being our strength in times of trial; but the truth for me is that I've been taught that words mean very little, actions speak. Hearing words when action is needed doesn't work for me.
And that is because in Christian terms I am a baby. My walk with Jesus has only just begun, I have not been on the path long enough to trust the word. I have not had good mentors and leaders that have gone on the path before me. I would be Thomas, I would need to touch the scars to believe...
Sometimes I need to be the strong one, because that is the only way to test my faith, test my strength. If you had big muscles and never used them, they wouldn't be big for very long right?
It is the same in marriage: if one is always the strength and one is always the leaner, rest never happens, building never happens.
One becomes lazy, the other weak and tired.
What I know for sure, is God is using this as a learning experience for us. I am not in control, Rob is not in control; but God is and there will be tears. There always is when growth is needed.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Back to blogging.
Okay, so I've been getting a ton of grief about blogging, or should I say not blogging in I quote "forever".
Wow forever? Someone was being dramatic. :)
I will admit it's been awhile. Longer then usual. I don't have a reason, unless you count feeling insecure about what content is going into it.
There are some AMAZING blogs out there. There are some blogs that make some cha-ching for every "hit" they have. They have fancy pictures and perfectly designed pretty to look at blogs, where honestly I don't even realize there are ADs on them.
So what can my little ole not making any money, gets maybe three comments a post, matter to busy folks??
Apparently I have underestimated my readership. I have heard ya'll loud and clear. Get back to blogging, you're missed...
I even heard from one of you "Quit whining and do it!" (You are so loved for your honesty.)
I'm going to ask you a question: How have you been feeling?
I don't want to know about your yeast infection, or your bout with constipation, or that humongo zit that you shouldn't have at your age.
I'm talking about: What is moving you? How are you connecting with the spirit? and What sort of feelings is that bringing to the surface?
Now it isn't fair of me to ask that and then not answer myself so I'll share.
I am feeling like I am on the verge of being pushed. Like there is something coming that is going to stretch me to my limits. And that scares me. I am comfortable. I like my cozy life. I like that God said "NO." to us moving to a bigger home right now and that we need to stay here. I like thinking about how we can update our home to make it home-y-er for US. I like that we have a rhythm to our life that is just humming along.
I don't like feeling like I'm being led up to the rock wall nice and calm like.
Like He has his arm around me and we're having this nice conversation, where I'm not even paying attention to the walk itself and then He's gonna say "Here we are Sar...I want you to climb it."
I'll look at Him and say "You are joking right?"
He'll smile and shake his head and nudge me forward, where I'll dig in my heels and throw a fit like a 12 year old told she can't where make-up to school.
He remind me that this is what we talked about, me trusting Him.
And I'll say "No I THOUGHT we were talking hypotheticals here!?"
I'll look up at that wall and feel sick to my stomach. Hate heights, plus I'm seriously arm weak. I can't even do 3 push ups. Yeah, I said 3.
"Trust me."
Nope, I'm still digging in. My body is a quaking mess. That harness ain't going on without a fight.
That's what I feel coming, but right now, I'm still walking calmly, being led...
Wow forever? Someone was being dramatic. :)
I will admit it's been awhile. Longer then usual. I don't have a reason, unless you count feeling insecure about what content is going into it.
There are some AMAZING blogs out there. There are some blogs that make some cha-ching for every "hit" they have. They have fancy pictures and perfectly designed pretty to look at blogs, where honestly I don't even realize there are ADs on them.
So what can my little ole not making any money, gets maybe three comments a post, matter to busy folks??
Apparently I have underestimated my readership. I have heard ya'll loud and clear. Get back to blogging, you're missed...
I even heard from one of you "Quit whining and do it!" (You are so loved for your honesty.)
I'm going to ask you a question: How have you been feeling?
I don't want to know about your yeast infection, or your bout with constipation, or that humongo zit that you shouldn't have at your age.
I'm talking about: What is moving you? How are you connecting with the spirit? and What sort of feelings is that bringing to the surface?
Now it isn't fair of me to ask that and then not answer myself so I'll share.
I am feeling like I am on the verge of being pushed. Like there is something coming that is going to stretch me to my limits. And that scares me. I am comfortable. I like my cozy life. I like that God said "NO." to us moving to a bigger home right now and that we need to stay here. I like thinking about how we can update our home to make it home-y-er for US. I like that we have a rhythm to our life that is just humming along.
I don't like feeling like I'm being led up to the rock wall nice and calm like.
Like He has his arm around me and we're having this nice conversation, where I'm not even paying attention to the walk itself and then He's gonna say "Here we are Sar...I want you to climb it."
I'll look at Him and say "You are joking right?"
He'll smile and shake his head and nudge me forward, where I'll dig in my heels and throw a fit like a 12 year old told she can't where make-up to school.
He remind me that this is what we talked about, me trusting Him.
And I'll say "No I THOUGHT we were talking hypotheticals here!?"
I'll look up at that wall and feel sick to my stomach. Hate heights, plus I'm seriously arm weak. I can't even do 3 push ups. Yeah, I said 3.
"Trust me."
Nope, I'm still digging in. My body is a quaking mess. That harness ain't going on without a fight.
That's what I feel coming, but right now, I'm still walking calmly, being led...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Good Grief
I have been in mourning. Our family computer died last week. At first I was all panicked, "OH my God! My email, facebook! My FARM! I have crops to harvest..."
Oh yes I did just say God and refer to farmville in the same sentence. Yes, I truly did call out to him to protect my computer game crops from withering. This is what my life has come too. Farming on the computer and reading about the daily lives of some of my bestest non-reallife friends.
I have to admit I felt lost and out of touch and mighty alone.
Then I became aware of what was going on INside me. This nagging, this nudging, this pleading to listen. Then I watched Joyce. (Meyer) and I read my study. and I listened to my churches podcasts. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them telling me the same thing. What was I doing holding on to unforgiveness. Trying to be the sharpest tool in the shred. Whining over unanswered prayers when my walk was nothing about LOVE.
GOOD GRIEF, no wonder he wasn't listening, scratch that, answering me. (how DO you put the line through a word any ways?)
I have been acting like a spoiled brat throwing my hissy fits around, complaining. When really I haven't been listening to HIM. I haven't been making time for Him. I haven't been leaning on Him. I've been walking around grumbling about this rock or this stump or this wall in my way, and why doesn't SOMEBODY fill these potholes, I could trip and fall for crying out loud!
Nope, I wasn't listening when the "check engine" light came on and I was suppose to get off the road while repairs were being done.
This new computer is FAST. Lightening fast. I never realized what a slow painful death the other one was having until one day it just wouldn't boot. An awful error message came up and that was that. So as fancy as the new one is, it's still got the same "nut and bolts" we still have to protect it with special software. We have to install all of our programs so it will run right.
Yeah, that's what I needed. an UPgrade. I was running slow, tired, sinful. I needed to be unplugged and rebooted with all the upgrades He was trying to install on a beat up, worn out, had too much hurt built up hard drive. So I may have had some grief, but it was good. I can move on now.
Oh yes I did just say God and refer to farmville in the same sentence. Yes, I truly did call out to him to protect my computer game crops from withering. This is what my life has come too. Farming on the computer and reading about the daily lives of some of my bestest non-reallife friends.
I have to admit I felt lost and out of touch and mighty alone.
Then I became aware of what was going on INside me. This nagging, this nudging, this pleading to listen. Then I watched Joyce. (Meyer) and I read my study. and I listened to my churches podcasts. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them telling me the same thing. What was I doing holding on to unforgiveness. Trying to be the sharpest tool in the shred. Whining over unanswered prayers when my walk was nothing about LOVE.
GOOD GRIEF, no wonder he wasn't listening, scratch that, answering me. (how DO you put the line through a word any ways?)
I have been acting like a spoiled brat throwing my hissy fits around, complaining. When really I haven't been listening to HIM. I haven't been making time for Him. I haven't been leaning on Him. I've been walking around grumbling about this rock or this stump or this wall in my way, and why doesn't SOMEBODY fill these potholes, I could trip and fall for crying out loud!
Nope, I wasn't listening when the "check engine" light came on and I was suppose to get off the road while repairs were being done.
This new computer is FAST. Lightening fast. I never realized what a slow painful death the other one was having until one day it just wouldn't boot. An awful error message came up and that was that. So as fancy as the new one is, it's still got the same "nut and bolts" we still have to protect it with special software. We have to install all of our programs so it will run right.
Yeah, that's what I needed. an UPgrade. I was running slow, tired, sinful. I needed to be unplugged and rebooted with all the upgrades He was trying to install on a beat up, worn out, had too much hurt built up hard drive. So I may have had some grief, but it was good. I can move on now.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Fair part 2
To entice Roo away from the Tractors we decided to bring out the big guns. RIDES!
Here they are on the Nascar Ride.
Butter on the carousel. She only wanted to ride it because it had horses on it
They went on the balloon ride together and we rode the kiddie coaster as a family. I wish they offered wrist bands because the tickets go so fast, and the kids never seem to have had enough.
Next we went to the butterfly room. It was a huge hit. 
Roo was so gentle with them, at one point he had five of them in different places and he was so aware of how careful he needed to be.
Butter, like me, would finch any time one flew to close to our heads. That was a bit creepy. But once they landed, she loved it. For whatever reason the butterflies didn't like Butter's shirt and she so wanted them to be on her shirt. After the butterflies, it was time to head down to the barns and visit the miracle of birth barn.
Although we didn't see any live births we did see plenty of cute baby animals. Roo tried really hard to feed them all hay!
Butter was captivated by the babies. After this picture she looked up at us beaming she said "Mommy! He sucked on my hand! He thinks I'm his mommy!" It was so sweet. That is Butter. She loves all animals. Could we have a future veterinarian?
As we headed back to our car we ran into Fairborne and Fairchild, the two fair mascots. It was a great day at the fair.
A list of the food we ate: Roasted corn, cinne minis, cotton candy, caramel apples, chicken wings, strawberries, apples, sno cones, nut rolls trix and lucky charms cereals,beef sticks and daddy had his beer!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A Fair-y good time!
We took our annual family trip to the Minnesota State Fair last Monday. I had issues with the pictures and didn't get it on the blog until now. We got our butts up an at 'em by 9am. Our first stop was to watch the herding dogs do their stuff. I wish Piper was so well behaved! Next Hubby's beloved Cinne Smiths. (Mini cinnamon rolls) Then it was on to Little Farm Hands, where the kids got to play farmer. Roo was totally into it!
Butter put her apron on and they both grabbed a pail and we were off...
He loved digging and planting, it was difficult for him to pick one vegetable and put the gloves back!
I was so impressed that Roo new just what to do when it came to milking the cow, he didn't want to feed her through because it was HIS corn! After we finished, it was off to see the real tractors. The John Deers!
Roo would hang out here ALL day if we'd let him. Lucky for us we still hadn't mentioned the rides!
PART 1
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