The Intervention of Fatty

It has happened twice now. The first time was quite embarrassing since it was at a friends house. My Husband, whom I'll call "Fatty" was sitting on a chair at the table, we had just had a wonderful dinner and were going to play some board games, when all of a sudden the chair broke into pieces under "Fatty". They told us not to worry that the "chair" was old and had been glued together before...
Before? Before what? Before Fatty killed it?

Well it happened again, this time he broke my *new* bench!
He stepped onto it and "crack", it broke.
He looked at me "Yeah Fatty, I heard it!"
"Well, this bench...shoddy made...something something..."

you can't explain fatty fat fatterton

At this point in the story I better remind people of what "Fatty" looks like:

I know hhhhhuge. The guy makes toothpicks run and hide.

My advice to you, do not let this man sit on any of your furniture, no matter how tired or "innocent" he looks.

He will break it.

(she whispers) Because he's a Fatty and there must be an intervention.