Joy Dare 5&6

Day #5: Something you're reading, something you're making, something you're seeing.

Local author. She's rather good.

 Attempt #2 at a zipper pouch, this one for Butter.

Something I'm seeing...

Day #6 (I know I'm early...but I have a post scheduled for tomorrow.)

One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart...

Softlips, can't live without it.

Low-sodium V8. Delicious. *Insert pickle* more Deliciousness.

One thing in your Heart...

After I began the Joy Dare, I found the app, and realized there is a new one each month...I started doing January's...so I am continuing with January's. I'll pick up April next. :0)

House news.

We got the call yesterday that the mortgage company is going to except the short sale offer that was made on our house.
I would be lying if I said this wasn't a huge kick in the teeth. We had worked so long and hard to come to an agreement with the mortgage company to us they said NO. But they excepted an offer ~that makes me sick in the stomach~ low.
July 7th is the closing date. That is IF they can get the money lined up. IF they can get an inspection done. IF we can get a closing that quickly.
I have started packing. I'm not sure how I'm suppose to pack but it's started.
Without verifiable income we can not get approved for a rental.
This has been the hardest thing for me.
Rob and I had a heart to heart the other night where we compared feelings: Both of us feeling like we are swimming with anchors on our backs. He's still fighting, I'm still fighting...there is breath in our lungs and we are calling out to God.
This has been the longest endurance test of my life and I can only come out stronger.
On the job end, Rob has had some great interviews and interest, unfortunately commission only, no insurance jobs won't work for us.
I have not worked in nearly 9 years. My skill set will only get us so far, and it will take me away from my FIRST job, my children. I do realize that many households are a 2 income family. My background is pretty much ALL childcare. My husband and I have talked at length about what is and is not right for our family. My working for minimum wage this summer is not right for our family. That is all I'm going to say about that.

We are gearing up for a moving sale. I did not want to have a garage sale, they have always been far more work then profitable for me; but I am ready to do some purging!
Speaking of purging we got a nice solid offer on our dead as a doornail, not gonna ever run again unless you want to sink $$$$$ into it, Subaru. YES!

I have my moments, signing the papers yesterday was not a good one. Today though God is with me, and every time I turn my thoughts I am rewarded with His Peace. However I'd really like to rewarded with a solid job and rental. "wink wink".

RIng Ring.

I hear ringing, it's not quite a constant sound, but it happens often enough.
Luckily it is the phone, or should I say both phones. I don't know what happened but yesterday they were going bananas.
My cell phone, which I never use because I'm always home. My cell phone bugged me; I'd see commercials about apps and texting and email...what a PHONE can do that?
Oh sure, just not my lame-o one. I have a pay as you go model.
When Hubby got fired let go they took his phone. EVERYTHING was in there, well not everything, I'll get to that later... But all his contacts.
So he took over mine, I could care less and wished him luck because that darn thing never worked properly for me.
He really does have drive, he worked on it for nearly a week and yesterday he finally gave up.
"We need to get you a new phone." He said.
Oh, I knew this phone wasn't for me, it was for him, temporarily, you know until he got hired and got a new fancier one.
I wanted to stay with Blackberry, but not have a Nextel Blackberry, if you don't know what Nextel is ; it is a beepbeep "Are your there man? Roger, Roger one niner you copy?" Walkie talkie sort of gizmo, I hated it.
He would walkie me if I was taking too long in the fitting rooms:
"Hey, you about done in there? It's been 20 minutes, I was about to send a search party."
Real nice. That makes a girl feel good while she's wrestling with clothes that used to be the size...

Well, we found out the Nextel Blackberry wasn't compatible with the cell service plan I have: Boost.
No wonder the phone never worked right. (How in the world is a stay at home mom suppose to keep it all straight, excuse me I did not graduate from MIT.)

So, he picked the new fan dangled thing that is "touch screen".

He kindly let me see it, I am not liking it. Not at all. The sounds are different, There is no buttons, you have to slide things this way and that; I like BUTTONS to push, I feel like I need to give a retna scan to make a call on it.
So that phone has been ringing.
The land line has been ringing. Which are two very good things. Seems there are a lot of people that want to meet with my husband. Woo Hoo!

Now the part I told you would come later:
Last year about this time Rob came home with some pretty cool news: One of his vendors gave him tickets to the U2 concert. Well, Bono had to cancel because of his back and the concert was rescheduled for this summer. I hide those tickets.
Rob said to me today "Todd called me."

(Todd is the guy that gave Rob the tickets and we often joked that Todd would ask for the tickets back if Rob no longer worked for Metro.)

I said "And you told him I hide the tickets right?"

"I did."

"And?"

"And he said 'Tell her she better find them before July 23rd cause you're gonna need em to get in the show.' Todd told me 'You're going man I want to see you and your wife there! Just making sure you still had the tickets.' "

"Awesome. I wasn't giving them back."

Rob hit me playfully on the butt and said "NO you weren't."

No I seriously wasn't.
You don't get box seat club level tickets to one of the greatest rock groups concerts and give them up. Besides now more then ever Rob needs to make contacts right?
For the record, if I had to I would have given them back, but I knew Todd would never ask ;0)

He has three interviews tomorrow and several lined up for Monday. I am so happy for him. It's good to see his smile coming back.


Today I got fed from the Proverbs devotion:

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:19

Lysa goes on to say that one of the subtle ways Satan tempts us is to plant the hesitant thought in our mind that God will not meet our needs- that God is not enough.

I love her prayer:

Dear Lord,
Help me to focus only on Your provision in my life today. I don't want to be separated from You, Your best plans for me or Your peace. Help me to notice when the enemy is trying to entice me with false desires, because they only lead to emptiness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This was the sweetest ring of them all.

Weekend update.

I had a fairly uneventful weekend. Friday we had dinner at my in-laws church. It is always nice to see the church family, who always seem to know us, even though we go to a different church. They are so welcoming and friendly.
Saturday we went to the beach for the first time this year. It is not like the beaches y'all have on the coast(s). It is a man-made chlorinated thing with a sand bottom. Rob and I out-lasted the kids.
I also found out that sunscreen should be applied along the armpit region. Yes, I found this out the hard way.
Sunday was a difficult day for me. I took some time to go "shopping". I needed to pay a bill and find a new bra. I found it difficult to pray. I have been praying for the same thing for nearly two years now. And things aren't going the way I would have, ahem, expected. Gosh, does that sound snotty or what?
I just have lost my "want" to pray, because each time I do I feel like I am being selfish. How dare I pray for financial stability when more then half the world is poorer then I. How can I pray for a nice home, good neighborhood, friendly neighbors when their are places in this world that awful things happen to people. They have no home, let alone a pillow or mattress. They fear for their very safety, pisha, good neighborhood, they'd settle for not being threatened...
I feel so awful that my prayers are so...so...American.
Yes, I want for a better world. A less sinful heart. Good health.
But I want this burden taken from me. This awful sense of "I don't KNOW."
Where are we going to get money? Where are we going to live? How are we going to survive?
Will we have to eat PB&J sandwiches for a year? I frankly, haven't even considered that. But maybe that is what this is all about? Maybe I've been so ungrateful for what I've had, so discontent that this is payback. This is consequence.
I don't think I've been so discontent. I don't feel like I'm worse then others with my wanting better.
I really honestly don't know.
And when I think to long about it, I ache.
I do not want to get bitter.
I do not want to become angry.
I do not want to shake my fist at God and say "Why are you doing this?"
But those are all the things that the mind does. I was raised by bitter, angry resentful people.
It has been very difficult to stay in the promise of God.
One day at a time. He promises one day at a time.
My children have started saying to me "Mom, you need to start packing. We are moving."
I have know idea where we are moving to.
I will pack when I need to. I can only deal with today. And today is not a packing day.
I feel like I owe my friends an explanation or an apology.
I haven't been much of a friend lately, especially in the  last week having found out Rob lost his job.
I can not talk about IT. I do not want to think about IT. If I go there, I may get lost and never find my way back from the bitterness.
I am feeling weak; but I am taking care of myself. I am closing ranks and leaning into those whose faith is deeper then mine. I HATE admitting that. I hate that I am weak, that I need to focus so hard on who God is in order to stay out of anger. I wish my heart would just know and I wouldn't have to fight this battle daily.
Please continue to pray for us. I do feel your love and it is such a comfort to me.

May's end.

Today I was planning on posting more about Disney. Share more pictures more stories...
But instead I was woken up this morning by my sweet husband with a gentle kiss.
Scared me half to death. We had plans to go look at a rental today, one I was excited about, because maybe just maybe after three months of looking at "No Ways!" this one looked like a good possibility.
I was expecting him to come home around 9:30am, it was only 7:30. I sat up and said "Your early."
He looked down at me and said "They fired me."
It was something I never thought would happen, not in a conceded arrogant kind of way. Rob is the only one who does what he does at his office. He's the tech guy, he estimates and puts together the bids, he solves material issues, he purchases the material for the jobs. Since last fall Metro has been "changing" Rob's former bosses (one being his Uncle) sold the company to the "Sale's guy" and the "Field Sup. Guy". Neither one knows exactly how important Rob is to their jobs. If Rob isn't there they can't get very far in their work. The "sales guy" brings in jobs, Rob bids them trying to come in low enough to win the job, high enough to make money on it. The job is awarded and "Field Sup guy" supervises the installation...
It smelt fishy right before we left, They asked Rob to teach Meg how to input bids into the system. He told them it isn't about punching numbers into a program. Last week was a short week, He went back to work Thursday and Friday. He returned today only to be asked to leave.
Bitter doesn't even begin to describe my heart. This man is LOYAL, TRUSTWORTHY, HARD-WORKING. It's like watching someone try to drive a car without a steering wheel or tires or brakes. They may not look like much, or be the shiny part of the car, but the car don't work without it.
Alright then.
After nineteen and half years, they part ways in a cold impersonal "We're letting you go..."

The timing couldn't have been better. (sarcasm)
Is there ever a good time to get kicked in the nuts?

This morning we were going to look at a rental that I found last Friday. I was excited about this one, until today. Today we find ourselves without verifiable income.

My head can not grasp what God's plans are from here.

My heart is struggling to keep faith, swallow back tears and keep moving even when I have know idea which direction I am suppose to be going right now.

It feels unreal. I feel like I'm walking in molasses and everybody is talking like Charlie Brown's teacher..."Wa wa wa wa wawawa."

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.~ Psalm 139:9-10


I will never stop reminding myself that God is the constant in my life that he is enough. No matter where I have to go, even across the "farthest oceans," God's hand will guide this family and give us strength for the tasks ahead.

NOT.IT

I flit from researching, organizing tips, and planning days for Disney; to scouring want adds for rentals.
One makes me happy, giddy; the other not.so.much.
Yesterday we had a showing at a rental. This rental wasn't anything special, wasn't even in the "right" district. (We are trying to stay in our current school district) If not the district at least the same city, so I can drive them to their school on open enrollment. (Gulp, for 2-5yrs)
So this house, When we arrived the guy was hauling out of his trunk a vacuum.
Huh, interesting...
The moment I walk in I notice the kitchen, then I notice there are no appliances and the cupboards are like half open half closed, there's an inch of dust or something on the floor and he's rapidly trying to clean it up.
Next thing I notice is the blinding bold wall color on the front wall. It is a dark denim blue, lets say blueberry. I turn back toward the kitchen and notice that wall. It is the color of pea soup. The green pea not the yellow pea, but that's coming...
Hmmm, interesting...this is going to suck re-painting...
We head down the stairs. It's a walk out. This family room has half laminate floor and half carpet. Stained carpet. And when I say half I am talking straight down the middle of the room half, like somebody had a fight and they chose sides. We entered the mechanical room and there was paint cans galore, and then I noticed the drain, it was full of nasty. (Nasty was all I could make out, I didn't look too closely at it.)
We went upstairs, into the living room.
WOW! I should have brought my sunglasses in here.
Again two different colors on the walls.
One, you guessed it, mustard-dingy yellow. The other color was pomegranate. Awful.
As I was turning to go down the hallway to the bedrooms, the guy says "Do you have any questions?"
Just one: "We could repaint in here right? Like a neutral color?"
"Well, no. My wife is the painter and we don't want to have to repaint after you were to leave."
I'm sorry what did he say?
"Really? Wow, so these colors are staying?"
"Yes."
I walked down the hall, Rob was waiting for me.
"Look at this one." He said leading me to a bedroom.
This one was painted sky blue. Like the kind you see on a super sunny day, blinding and on the ceiling and halfway down the walls were clouds. My face must have said it all because he said;
"What you don't like the blue sky room?"
"Lets go. I don't need to see anymore."
We weren't there more then 5 minutes. I didn't even ask about where the appliances were.
The rent on the fruit bowl/sky room house $1600/month.
You would have to pay ME to live in a fruit bowl.
Not it.
NOT.IT.
I flit from rentals to houses for sale. There are some really nice homes in short sale right now. Each one I look at I pray for the family that is going through it, just like us.
Rob and my goal was to find a rental, a nice house in a great neighborhood that we could rent long term and once our credit is repaired buy the rental. That is proving to be extremely difficult, since there are no rentals in our price range that we have even considered renting, let alone buying afterward.
There have been a few homes that were just priced a bit higher then we could be comfortable with, but they were homes we could see our selves buying in the end.
You can't afford what you can't afford. Right this minute, it's not affordable.
Rob is pursuing other job opportunities, and if one of them happen that would make all the difference in what would then be affordable. It is crazy that it is a matter of a few hundred dollars.
Blows my human mind.

Yesterday I moved some money around and bought our Magic Your Way tickets for Disney. It felt awesome. This family is going to the happiest place on earth while God figures out the future for this family. I have to chuckle and say NOT.IT. Because I have no control in this situation. I can't provide a job for my husband, a house to magically appear ready and perfect and within our budget. All I can do is pack. Pack for the trip and pack for the move, which I'm not starting until we get back.
So I call NOT.IT

Being fed.

I was up early today. And when I say early most all of you would groan at me because technically you were all up way before then....
So what did I do with my time?
Commented on Facebook.
I have been lacking the wit over there.
Not wanting to say much more then "like".
Either someone said what I would say or I was too lazy to come up with something.
I haven't been right in my head lately.
Haven't been myself.
I can't really, I am too busy Trusting God.
The second my focus comes off His timing and plans and Love that's when the flurry of deceit comes in.
We spent the last couple days haggling over a closing date on an offer for the house.
Each time we gave a date, they moved it up closer.
No kidding.
Until finally they said we need to put in writing that they'd get the house a week after the bank approved the offer. There is no guarantee the bank will approve the offer but what if the bank does? and what if it happens in mid-May? We'd have to be out while we are in Disney? right after coming home from Disney? Before the end of the school year?
Oh ho ho, these people have really poked the bear.
I just can't figure out how two people can be so irrational.

So it was left, undecided. We won't commit and they won't re-write the offer.
We have a showing tonight with another couple.
Lets lift up some prayers shall we?
Heavenly Father, Please let our house be appealing to this couple coming tonight. May they feel like they've found home and give a good offer with a decent closing date,
In your Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

I have been reading our Pastor's new book. I posted about it a few posts ago. It is stellar. I haven't put the highlighter down and little nuggets stay with me, that I'll randomly throw out in conversations with my husband. To which he looks at me amazed and I have to confess "Pastor Bob." He nods in the "I kinda figured" sort of way.

So Pastor is talking about Moses and how Moses didn't want to do what God was asking.
He felt he wasn't anything special, that there were plenty of others more talented to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. But God convinces him, He thinks "oh yeah God's gonna make this easy."
And guess what? The Pharaoh says: "No way."
Okay now what? What's with the hurdles? What's with this being hard?
Um cause if it was easy what would you learn?
We gain strength through enduring. The trials are what make us more dependent on God. So when the next task comes along instead of saying Heck no I won't go...We remember that with God we are capable. Our faith grows.
It totally makes sense reading, but applying it, oofda!
Lets talk about our family devotion last night, it was about trusting God.
All around me I'm being fed His promises, His wisdom.

Last night my Husband got a call from a friend of the family's. It brought me to tears what that conversation was about. When I think about it I clearly see that this is a God thing. A generous offer to help. Something deep inside me breaks, because I have very deep wounds from my own family and their selfishness, broken promises; and here is a man who knows us casually and said "I want you to think of us as family. We are here for you."

I ask that if you have read this post today, please pray for our family. That the perfect home will come into view for us. Thank you.

Happy Thursday!

Psalm 42:9-11

Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
"Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?"
They're out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, Taunting day after day,
"Where is this God of yours?"
Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God

What's giving me strength today.

Keeping the leaves Green.

The title of this post might have you thinking it's gonna be about spring.
This is where I tell you we just got hammered with more snow.
It many people I know crazy. Including my husband.
The title refers to a verse I post at the end.

What a difference a day makes.
My last posting I had said how I didn't have any news.
Yesterday it felt like all hell broke loose in one day.
I posted on facebook that morning.
"It's a new day. Bring it."
That was dumb, because it opened up a whole kind of nasty.
Attacks from the enemy.
Awful stuff.
I'm not sure how much I've ever talked about the "bullying" I endured from my sister and her friends.
It's not something I like to dwell on.
As my mother so "kindly" pointed out yesterday "...have a hard time letting things go..."
In some cases this is true: I have grown into forgiving, but I do not forget, especially when it comes to abuse and not allowing it to continue.
I found out that my sister is dating a guy she had dated back in high school. A guy that torture and abused me.
Without getting into details, I was brought right back to that place of being 12 and helpless, alone, nobody standing up for me...
It's not that I haven't let it go, it's just that I hadn't expected to be back in a place where I was confronted with it again.
I don't think that is called "not letting it go."
She also commented about the game "telephone" where one person tells a story to another and another and pretty soon the story is nothing like it started out being.

Was she saying that this was like a game of telephone? That I was changing things about what happened to what? Make this person look bad?
Why would someone (me) make up that kind of pain?

That just doesn't happen. NOBODY imagines being abused. NOBODY imagines those things, works hard at putting those things be hide her and forgives for them happening and goes on to build a trusting marriage. 
That certainly doesn't mean she wants to see her abuser again or have them forced into her life again.
Moving on. (I am guarding my tongue.)


We got an offer on the house.
It was incredibly ridiculous, almost to the point of "stealing"; it was so low.
To add insult to injury, they added a whole page of stipulations and demands, like getting the house at the asking price wasn't ENOUGH of a deal.
I know it was the enemy working.
We rejected the offer, didn't even consider counter-offering.


We found out there is more interest and many showings coming up this weekend. God is looking out for us. He has worked it so that these people that made the "offer" have a showing at the same time as another couple who are coming back for a second showing.
I love me some of THOSE apples ;)


Rob and I looked at a home in a city close by. It would be a change in school district for our kids. They are still young enough for this to be okay. But what is nagging me is it's further away from our church.
It also is on the high side of what we could afford.
I keep thinking, and maybe I'm wrong here, but I keep thinking God is going to let me know when it's the one. But what if I'm not listening? what if I'm being stubborn and miss it? What if I want it this way and am not considering it His way?  I so do not want to be difficult and stubborn in this, and yet my personality, what got me through those tough years is also a hard nosed toughie who will stand firm on her beliefs. The difference between then and now is I know Christ I have placed my faith in him.
Sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting, it's like poking a bear with a stick. The enemy loves that.
All I can do is pray; trust who he's been transforming me into.
His will.
His timing.

Yesterday a dear friend stopped over and saw the worst of me. I'm a wreck and she got an up close and personal viewing of that.
I am embarrassed. I should be able to hold it together better.

Man, was the enemy working hard yesterday.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by the long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit. ~Jeremiah 17:7-8

I going to dig my roots in and drink from the living well, keep these leaves GREEN.

News on the home front.

I don't know if you're like me or not but sometimes I feel like it's one step forward, three steps back.
It gets to be frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished, not by God, but society; for being a stay at home mom.
We try our best to live on one income, but things beyond our control happen that stretch this budget past our limits.
Gas. Have you been to the pump?
Technically I haven't been in quite some time, Hubby does all the gas pumping, it's a love language between us :)
But I have driven by a gas station and nearly wet my pants in fear.
Seriously, do they think we can afford $50 fill ups 3x a week?
Did you know my husband supplements our income by doing a paper route?
Did you know that our Subaru gave it's life doing the route for 3 years?
That ended today, well in four weeks from today, because they require a 4 week notice.
I told Rob to tell his "boss" that if he'd like to pay for our gas we'd he'd be more then happy to work 4 more weeks, if not, he gets 2.
Since I am the "aggressive" one I may have to make that call.
After much praying, it has to be done. We looked back at the repair costs and gas costs which are only going up and decided there wasn't much supplementing going on.
What is scary is we could count on something every Friday, now it's back to every two weeks.
Right after we decided to let it go we got a doozy of bad news.
We have been battling it out with our mortgage company for a little over 3 years.
Uh huh, I said a little over 3 years.
It's no wonder I'm on blood pressure meds.
Today they told us they were done. Apparently they'd rather have another foreclosed house on their hands. We were then informed that the house sold January 10th, the day they received our payment, which they kindly sent back to our bank.
I remember that day, the bank called and said "What would you like us to do with $$$$.$$?"
I responded "What is that from?"
"You're mortgage company sent it back."
"They WHAT?!?!?"
Whatever.
They call on the 5th day of every month to "remind" us of our payment being due.
Yep. We know. We can't pay it until Friday...
So they stopped taking our calls and  now sending our money back.
Nice.
Rob is diligently working through every course of action, I am making list of what to sell, what to take and what to leave here when the sheriff shows up with an eviction notice. They can pay for the dumpster. :)
If this sounds to you like I'm handling it well, you'd be wrong. All you have to do is look into my eyes and see the overwhelming pain of FAILING.
I know that many are in this exact situation, but we still failed.
This house was never our dream home, it wasn't more then we could handle; it was a house to grow a family.
The economy changed and we were hit hard. Pay cut after pay cut took it's toll. Owing more on a house than we could sell it for.
It wasn't merely "stop eating out." or "tighten the boot straps." it was the cost of living going up verses the take home pay of  a one income family.
We lost. We failed.
I do not look forward to renting a place that will be smaller, I do not look forward to digging out from this credit wise.
Instead, I look up. I believe that this happened because our grip was so tight on the controls that God needed to take them back, and sometimes He has no other choice but to pry it away from us.
Did He do this? No. We did.
He requires obedience and we have consequences if we don't follow.

Whether we like it or not, we will obey the Lord our God to whom we send you with our plea. For if we obey him, everything will turn out well for us.~ Jeremiah 42:6

Could I tell you where it all happened, maybe, but I could be wrong in my guess. For all I know it was a heart issue instead of a human error.
The truth is God doesn't ask you to follow your "feelings"; He requires we follow Him.
So now we wait for the next step.
Now that this door is closing, which will open next?

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.~James 1:2-3


We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us-they help us learn to endure.~Romans 5:3

Well I don't know...I guess I'll craft.

Well I don't know a lot of things.

I don't know why it's taken so long to post.

I don't know why I have cravings for sweets all.the.time when obviously I don't need them. (see: my belly in a dress)

I don't know why it has to be so stinkin' cold, I mean seriously, if I wanted to be a penguin or polar bear wouldn't I live in the arctic?

I don't know why there has to be so much suffering. I see it all the time: in the news, on blogs I follow, from friends.

I don't know why I can be so bored one day and then completely obsessed with some craft project the next.

I don't even know how to use all the setting on my sewing machine, but when I have a craft in my head it's got to come out.

More on that later.

I wanted to address timing.

See we've been praying for a job change for my husband for a while now, a long while. We've also had some rather little prayers about things that in our minds aren't as major as say the job thing, but prayers no less. These little prayers, they are the ones being answered. In these crazy little ways too.

Ways that make my brain hurt thinking about the hows or whys of it.

Rob and I saw a mini van years ago...we were not the mini van buying kind of people. Not.at.all.

Dodge decided to make a change to the body style. We rather liked what they did and thought well maybe if we were going to purchase a true family vehicle we could possibly see buying something like this. But that was years ago and we weren't in any shape for that kind of purchase for a long long time.

As time wore on and our Subaru aged, every time I would get in I would say a little prayer: Lord, please let this car continue to be good for our family. We can not afford something new, this is all we've got...

(We do have a Ford Ranger that was my husbands work vehicle, but it too has aged and having two vehicles that need repairs often is a great stress. )

Right before Christmas Rob came to me with an idea of how we would pay for a "new" vehicle. I was nervous, as I always am when it comes to money. The more I prayed about it the more I saw this as God's doing. Why hadn't we thought of this before? Why didn't we pursue this before?

Well, because it's about timing.

This job thing, I've got to put my hope in the timing. God is working to make room for Rob somewhere, somewhere that Rob's gifts and talent are going to flourish. I've seen enough of the business world to know that there are a lot of hardened hearts out there and God has his work cut out softening those hearts and opening doors for my husband to walk through.

I will never know how He works and why He chooses certain prayers to answer at certain times and how time works for Him...but I do know that God is good and He works all things for good.

Back to my craft projects, I read a few crafty blogs, they are so fun to look through. Then there are the projects that jump right off the page and get stuck in my head.

I must do that, must do it must do it must do it.

 Like this ruffle pillow.

Or this sweet satin flower. All the things you could decorate with this!

I'm giddy.

I must now go to the fabric store to get my supplies.

It's might be below zero outside, but I'm got some spring-y things blooming inside!

The Proof is in the Butter.

The proof is in the Butter today.

Not this Butter

.

THIS Butter.

.

I have been dealing with a sinus thing for over a week now. It seems to consume my thoughts. "Why can't I get better?"

"Is this thing almost done YET?"

You've all been there, done it...

I watched the train wreck called the Bachelor last night. It's one of my guilty pleasures. Now that I know the whole thing is fake...well, I can watch it differently. See, I BELIEVE in LOVE.
I want to believe that people can go on a show and find TRUE LOVE. I want to believe that you can find LOVE anywhere. Because the TRUTH is, GOD shows up in the most amazing places, in the most AWESOME ways. I've witnessed this first hand with the meeting of my now Husband.
I guess I will have to wait until Heaven to see the TRUE Reality show called LOVE.

Things that have sunk into this mind:

• 
  
  Love isn't letting people do whatever they want. That is often cowardice or apathy. Love cares enough to tell the truth.~ Rick Warren


• 
  
  God anointed Jesus with the power of the Holy spirit and power, and he went around doing good...(Acts 10:38) Joyce Meyer went on to say: That is spiritual warfare...if we go out everyday determined to be a blessing to those around us, instead of having a pity party regardless of how we feel; the devil won't know what to do with us.


• 
  
  In the same message she said: Satan relentlessly seeks to build strongholds in our lives. He tells lies, if you believe it, it becomes true for you. Thoughts go out ahead of you. If they are negative and lousy, you'll have a negative and lousy life. You must right your mind. Take every thought captive. Say OUT LOUD what the bible says is true.


• 
  
  My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness. (2Corinthians 12:9)

Which brings me right back to where I started: The proof is in the Butter.

I have been feeling weak. Unworthy. Plain. Useless. Bitter. Envious...the list could go on.

But literally the proof was in the butter.

It is ironic that the butter I use is called Promise.

Hmmm, do you see where this is going?
Maybe you are clever...

My Comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:50

I'm not referring to my suffering in the sinus department, I mean the daily struggle to hold captive my thoughts, spend time in the word, fight spiritual warfare with the great deceiver who wishes to hold me down in his lies.

I have this thing: I like to say "Hey God, it's me Sara, I could use a little sign today. Something, you know, just to let me know you hear me..."

There are times where I think "HeLLO, is this thing ON?" (tapping the prayer mic)

And then there are days where I'm sure he is just sitting waiting on ME to see him and I go about my day, doot da doo, completely sidetracked and oblivious.

But today, it seemed there was a "good connection".

I could not fall asleep last night, my mind was working overtime. I may have finally fallen off to sleep about 4:30am, just before Hubby crawls back into bed from the paper route, which always wakes me up...I got up this morning pretty much thinking this day was going to absolutely suck. I would defiantly be loosing my temper at some point because crabby is a fact when Sara doesn't get her sleep. I got up, mumbled good morning, shuffled into the kitchen and got the coffee started, put my Eggo's in the toaster and waited. I mindlessly poured the coffee, creamer and took out the eggos, grabbing the butter. (I eat two eggos lightly buttered in the mornings.)

I grabbed the knife, scooped up the butter, pausing long enough to notice what had appeared on my knife.

I stood there staring, Is that really a heart formed by my butter?

Okay, not butter, but PROMISE?

That is no random thing. I couldn't do that again if I spent the next 3 years trying, and I'm pretty crafty and determined when I want to be.

GOD met me this morning in my kitchen, over Eggos and he smiled at me.

He knows I've been distracted by sickness.
He knows that I haven't been the best daughter, or the most obedient.

Today I think he wanted to give me a little LOVE, because that is exactly what I wasn't expecting this morning.

Father God, Thank you, for the love you give me everyday, even the days I fail to acknowledge it. Thank you for all the ways you protect me, guide me and teach me.

Thank you for your Promise.

In the name of my lord Jesus, Amen.