Friday, June 11, 2010

Feeling greedy.

I'm so tired of pinching pennies.
I'm so tired of watching my husband work himself ragged to make ends meat.
I want to STOP wanting more.
The cycle is vicious.
Roo needs a twin bed, he's been sleeping in a toddler bed for three years now. Beds are expensive. I've scoured craigslist, web searched...I found a very reasonable well rated bed on JC even found away to avoid shipping charges. $247. (without mattress and boxspring) I wanted to buy something nice for him to have for years to come, not a beat up old used thing. We went that route with my daughter, I am unhappy with that " good deal". We bought a used daybed and trundle with mattress for $200. It is a metal frame, and you should have bedding that is meant for a daybed. We don't. I've done my best to make it work. The bed is pink. When I asked about buying it, I thought it was white. It is pink and brass. Butter is not a fan of pink. I have thought about putting the trundle in Roo's room for awhile, but that just doesn't sit well with me. He need his own permanent bed, not a make swift one.
As I write this all that I can THINK about is how most of the world's population doesn't have anything to call a bed and here I am complaining about a pink and brass bed.
I feel like I can't win. I can't be happy with what we have all beat up and hand-me downed because I want the nice new only owned be ME things. Things I've picked with my own taste and not using because it was cheap to buy or given to us when someone else was done with it.  But My heart will not be content with that selfishness because frankly I am rich compared to the rest of the world. I want my bathroom upstairs remodeled so it works and has a nice big soaking tub that I can take long hot baths in. Most of the world doesn't even have clean drinking water!
How wonderful it would be to shop at the upscale grocer, because they have organic and better produce. Most of the world eats ONE meal a day which doesn't even offer produce.
I want a new vehicle that doesn't require weekly maintenance because it's 10 years old with nearly 200,000 miles on it, and rusting. I have duct tape on my car! Seriously, is it possibly to feel shame over that AND feel sorry for the rest of the world that has to walk miles just for water?
I am a walking talking hypocrite! How do we live? I mean really? How do we sit back in our cushy lives, and want more?
I'm restlessly trying to manage my thankfulness for the blessings, and yet still wanting more, as the Spirit works at opening my eyes to the suffering that occurs outside our comfy borders. 
 For the most part  our country is CLUELESS to what real suffering is. Suffering is NOT standing in line at Caribou waiting longer then 10 minutes for your my Pomegranate/vanilla tea Latte. We suffer if we can't buy that fashionable blouse on sale at Macy's. We suffer if we aren't in a good cell area and our call is dropped.
The more I write the more ashamed I become with myself. Of the sense of entitlement that has crept in to this heart, to this country. The Jones' can have their stuff. I am going to lift my head up and look to the one that provides for every need just one day at a time.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important then clothes? Look at the birds of the air; do they not sow or reap or store away in the barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19


  1. I know the frustrated feeling you're going through. Sounds like, by the end of the post, you were headed in the right direction. Sometimes when I'm upset, even over things that make me feel guilty, I start praising the Lord and focusing on His greatness. It really does help.

    Oops, almost forgot to mention, but I love the look of your blog!

  2. well said. I think we all struggle with can you not in living where we do. I'm with Jill, when I start feeling unhappy with what I have, I stop and praise God for the things I do have that He has blessed me with.


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