Friday, October 17, 2008

I am changing.

So let me give you an idea of the attacks I've been facing with the deceiver.

"Why did I ever think I could be a good mother?"
"Because you think you can do it all."
"I can't DO this..."
"You should give up."
"I love this child."
"She doesn't love you."
"She needs discipline."
"Yeah, like your mother did to you."
"I'm not like her!"
"Sure you are, only your worse. You think your better but you are not."
"That is not true!"
"Really? Then why are you feeling so guilty?"
"See you are a failure. YOU are failure."
Y'all told me to pray, that didn't go so well. Shortly there after I heard Butter in her room singing "Oh, I'm cleaning my my mommy will love me again. I'm putting all my toys away. Mommy and Daddy will like me again...I am a good girl...I wouldn't be naughty any more or hit my brother. I'm cleaning my room so Mommy will be my friend."
(The Deceiver quietly said"See she thinks you don't love her. See the example you show her.")
Rob came home and talked to her, it seemed to have done little good. We prayed aloud for her at dinner. All she could say was how much she loved tacos. Finally at 9PM long after her bed time she came and said to me.
"Sorry I broke your light." I looked in her eyes and saw REPENTANCE. OH BLESSED SAVIOR! I hugged her and told her How much that meant to me that she was sorry and that I forgave her and loved her. She skipped off back to bed.
All I can say is y'all must have been praying hard cause the blackness finally lifted last night when I posted my little message. I had know idea HOW I was going to come back from this. But here I am.
I was washed clean through the night and given a long morning to sit in His presence. (The computer was acting up so I couldn't get online. You all know that irritation.) I read James 1:1-25
Talking about how we need to be meek in spirit to be teachable. HOLY cow.
I have NEVER in my live thought I was meek. Nor did I want to be.
Ahem, Dear Sara, It's me Your Lord speaking...
I am calm, thoughtful and relaxed today. I am also very very tired. I think He works best in me when I am weakened by exhaustion.
I want to say thank you to all you gals for your encouragement.
I no longer see that I am failing at mothering, I am failing at living in Christ daily, minutely. Thank you dear sisters.
Heather, you post today made me laugh out loud...You are so funny, I have to remember to wear a pad tomorrow just in case I pee my pants laughing.
I am meeting in real life Heather and Whitney and some other bloggy friends in the Twin Cities. I CAN'T wait!
Also I wanted to let Jenny know that you have MADE the list.
Butter has a list of people she "plays". She came in this morning and asked.
"Mommy, who is your friend that sent us those pictures?"
"The Halloween cards?"
"Yes, What's her name?"
"Jen Lynn Or Jenny?"
" Jenny? Ok,Thanks Mom."
Off she went to play..."Jenny" is the new girl at school today.
I am off to make lunch, Hubby will be home very shortly and I can't wait to get out of the house!


  1. Praise The Lord and pass the sunshine! It's always darkest before the dawn. I'll continue to pray your sunrise gets brighter and brighter!

    PS, talk right back to the deceiver. Spit in his eye. The Bible says, "If God is for us, who can be against us." Tell him take that liar-liar-pants-on-fire.

    See you tomorrow!!
    ((HUGS)) & Blessings, Whtiney

  2. It's great that you could laugh out loud at my expense... :) I love that it made you laugh--I love to write a silly post to make people smile every once and awhile. And I have lots of material...because I'm me. :)

    You are lovely.

    See you tomorrow! WOOT!

  3. Aww, what a great testimony! By God's grace she came around. I'm sorry you had to deal with all the cr*p from the enemy in the process. Hold that head high, you've been redeemed and there's nothing he says to you that is true!

  4. So glad to hear of victory over the lies!

    Have a great time with your bloggy friends! How fun :)

  5. what is it with that "you're just like your own mother" voice. i just wanna stomp on it. ugg. grr.

    what a cool post to sit here and sigh with you and then smile BIG when the joy came w/ your sweet girl.

    and ya know what? we all stink at being moms one time or another. it would stink even more if we were "perfect". so yes, you are a GREAT mom and its nice to hear that you struggle too. i don't know if we could be friends if you had that part all together! ;o) hee hee!!

    btw...jealousy. i get so daggone jealous when i hear about bloggy friends getting to meet. oh well, have fun anyways!! ;o)

  6. What grace for overcoming horrible lies from the Enemy! Praising God with you!

  7. Sweet story, I am so happy for you to have come through it all with the help of the Savior. I sometimes wish that we as mothers could truely see each others struggles. We don't show it often. We see one another at church or in the grocery store and smile when often we are struggling and feeling inadequate. Blogs are good when we can be honest and figure out that we are not alone. I have had so many days where I feel like I am failing at motherhood but...I know better. I am not perfect in fact I am often a mess but I am perfect in my desire to be better with the help of my Father in Heaven.

  8. How often I have had mental conversations so very similar tp the one I just read right here. Those lies can go so deep and seem so believable. I'm thanking God with you for the breakthroughs that he orchastrated.
    Ohhh! Meeting bloggy friends! That is SO awesome! :)


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