"Why did I ever think I could be a good mother?"
"Because you think you can do it all."
"I can't DO this..."
"You should give up."
"I love this child."
"She doesn't love you."
"She needs discipline."
"Yeah, like your mother did to you."
"I'm not like her!"
"Sure you are, only your worse. You think your better but you are not."
"That is not true!"
"Really? Then why are you feeling so guilty?"
"See you are a failure. YOU are failure."
Y'all told me to pray, that didn't go so well. Shortly there after I heard Butter in her room singing "Oh, I'm cleaning my room...so my mommy will love me again. I'm putting all my toys away. Mommy and Daddy will like me again...I am a good girl...I wouldn't be naughty any more or hit my brother. I'm cleaning my room so Mommy will be my friend."
(The Deceiver quietly said"See she thinks you don't love her. See the example you show her.")
Rob came home and talked to her, it seemed to have done little good. We prayed aloud for her at dinner. All she could say was how much she loved tacos. Finally at 9PM long after her bed time she came and said to me.
"Sorry I broke your light." I looked in her eyes and saw REPENTANCE. OH BLESSED SAVIOR! I hugged her and told her How much that meant to me that she was sorry and that I forgave her and loved her. She skipped off back to bed.
All I can say is y'all must have been praying hard cause the blackness finally lifted last night when I posted my little message. I had know idea HOW I was going to come back from this. But here I am.
I was washed clean through the night and given a long morning to sit in His presence. (The computer was acting up so I couldn't get online. You all know that irritation.) I read James 1:1-25
Talking about how we need to be meek in spirit to be teachable. HOLY cow.
I have NEVER in my live thought I was meek. Nor did I want to be.
Ahem, Dear Sara, It's me Your Lord speaking...
I am calm, thoughtful and relaxed today. I am also very very tired. I think He works best in me when I am weakened by exhaustion.
I want to say thank you to all you gals for your encouragement.
I no longer see that I am failing at mothering, I am failing at living in Christ daily, minutely. Thank you dear sisters.
Heather, you post today made me laugh out loud...You are so funny, I have to remember to wear a pad tomorrow just in case I pee my pants laughing.
I am meeting in real life Heather and Whitney and some other bloggy friends in the Twin Cities. I CAN'T wait!
Also I wanted to let Jenny know that you have MADE the list.
Butter has a list of people she "plays". She came in this morning and asked.
"Mommy, who is your friend that sent us those pictures?"
"The Halloween cards?"
"Yes, What's her name?"
"Jen Lynn Or Jenny?"
" Jenny? Ok,Thanks Mom."
Off she went to play..."Jenny" is the new girl at school today.
I am off to make lunch, Hubby will be home very shortly and I can't wait to get out of the house!