Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The one about the bathroom.

Do you remember back when this little blog was called Greetings from Butterville?
Then I went through some stalking issues and had to change my identity?
I should have named it Tales from the Potty, or Charming Charmin, or Wipes for Free.
I don't know; Lately I feel like that's all I talk about; something to do with the bathroom.
If I had one of those super big fancy jacuzzi tubs then yeah, It'd be my favorite room in the house hands down. But sadly, no, we have a cast iron tub that unless you put boiling water in it, it is freezing cold when you get in, not to mention the window right in the middle of the wall so taking a shower upstairs is impossible. Then there is the "downstairs" bathroom, where we do shower. I hate basements. Really. Hate THEM. Dark, dank and buggy...ooh I feel so comfortable being naked and waiting for something crawly to climb on me while I have my glasses off and can't see whether I should stand absolutely still or swap at it and try to kill it with soaking tp. Eck. My skin is crawling as I write this.
Now that we are on day two of 'Wipe your own hiney' something even more disturbing has come to my attention.
I always thought, yeah you have small children, you never get privacy in the bathroom.
I have a child gone most of the morning, and one chasing the gift of independence when suddenly I realize I NEVER have gone to the bathroom in private in my home. The dog is always there.
Yes I said dog. The only time this dog comes to me is A) if I have food and B) if I'm IN the bathroom.
Every morning, there she is asking to come on my lap. I brush my teeth, she reaches up to the sink, like she's waiting for her turn. Again, I go potty, there she is, if I ignore her long enough or I am in there long enough she'll lay down right in front of me on the floor. It makes wiping wonderful. Then we have the cat who likes to be in there at night while I'm getting ready for bed, again always laying on the floor so I must maneuver around her. And if I'm having a bout of loose stuff, I will have some animal on my lap. It's like they think "HEY, she's sitting down. GET HER!"
I know what you are thinking:
1) Why am I still reading this?
2) Why doesn't she close the doors and lock them?
3) Did I leave laundry in my washer last night?
It's like a train wreck; you must read it through.
I've tried and will explain.
Judging from your comments yesterday; there is a very good chance you DID leave clothes in the washer. Now go run a rinse cycle and come back.

My children barge in regardless of the door being open or closed. They have started knocking but the answer isn't going to matter. Then when they leave they "forget" to close it. I do not have extendable arms.
If I lock the door I will have crying child, screaming child or barking like mad dog on the other side. You try going in that racket, it gives stage freight a whole new meaning. Plus there are two doors and with the way I need to go through out the day there just isn't time to close both doors tightly and MAKE it. (I'm on Blood pressure meds that make me go, like 50 times a day. I need to drink a lot of water to flush it through my body which, you know, leads to going more. The more I go the more I have to drink. It's a vicious cycle.)
As I sat there last night, dealing with another bout of looseness, Dog on my lap I started thinking
"What in the world is this dog doing on my lap, while I'm taking care of business." I put her down. She jumped back up, leaving me with scratches because I was trying to avoid her. She made herself comfortable as if knowing this was going to be awhile. It wasn't until I said "I gotta wipe Pipe." she got down, went into the bedroom and laid down for the night.
Seriously, this house has ISSUES.
Ok, maybe it's not the house.
I'm not taken credit for this, I did not ASK for company in the can. I would like freedom. PRIVACY. I would also like to know who is using all the toilet paper, we go through a roll a day.
Maybe the dogs eating it when I'm not looking, she spends a lot of time in there.
Someday I will be able to sit back and laugh, posting about 'Remember when I never got privacy in the bathroom?'
Last year at this time I was wondering if my then 3 year old son would ever be potty trained. HA, he nearly is. (Just under a year later.) Not that he'd win any "atta boy" awards, clearly there is a stubborn factor in this. And I can honestly say I'd rather the dog be my company in the can then outside eating the poo. Maybe I can train HER to go on the potty, I mean she already likes sitting on it with me.
Well, I here a calling, guess what I have to do.
Answer me this:
What brand of Toilet paper do you use and WHY?
I'm curious, plus I'm taking a poll.


  1. well, that's a how-do-you-doosie!!! if you must know...we use Cottenelle because it has a puppy on it. kid you not, Owen LOVES puppies and when we are getting groceries he asks, and of course, because he is so stinkin' cute when he says "puppy. please.", i comply. if he's not with me, i get the cheapy stuff.

    i have never heard of pets as persistant as yours. but i guess they are creatures of habit!

    btw...you of course have me in stiches, AGAIN! and your e-mail to me yesterday had me in...you guessed it...stitches AGAIN!!! you ARE my therapy, girl!

  2. That sound you hear is me laughing! It gets better - I have privacy in there now!
    We use Charmin. I like the extra large rolls so I don't have to change them so much.

  3. hmm, i don't think i've ever been asked that question in my life. and now after reading this post i have the sudden urge to potty! the only issue i have w/ dogs & the bathroom is that henry will bring his tennis ball in and drop it then sleek back and stare at me hoping i'll throw it. maybe we both need to close the door?

    brand: i've always gone for the cheapo but lately it has been cottenlle.

  4. oh my word you crack me up!

    the mental image of you sitting there with the dog on your lap is just too much!!

    I use charmin, because I get it at Sam's and the only other brand they have is theirs...I don't like it.

  5. Angel soft. ;)

    Charming Charmin cracked me up. LOVE it!!

    My dog doesn't dare come in the bathroom when I'm there. She's terrified I'll give her a bath. I mean...she's a dog. It's not like she's a cat. Or can't swim.

    Hmmm...maybe she CAN'T swim. Maybe I need to check this out...


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