Monday, August 10, 2009

Mad at myself.

I'm mad at myself!
I mean ticked!
I've caught myself getting caught up in judgments.
See we had a family reunion this weekend, and before you start praising, it wasn't MY family that reuned. (If that isn't a word, it is today.)
Rob's Mother's side to be exact.
There is certain things you my need to know.
Lois, suffered from depression, she was, well, not well. Died young.
Sud, was a war vet, a cranky war vet with a drinking problem.
Together they had three children: Tonya (my MIL), Mike (Who in the spring unexpectedly died) and Bonnie.
Tonya met Gary at age 14. They met at Abiding Savior church. Tonya married Gary at age 19.
They are still married and it's a wonderful story, full of Dad running himself over with the car to impress Tonya and Tonya taking other boys to prom because Dad couldn't stomach going, to them leaving while Dad joined the Navy...good stuff.
Now we get to Mike. Alcoholic. He was married to a nice lady but because of his disease, it failed. They had a son. Matt. Who is now 24, jobless, won't go to school and only wants the money so he can continue his lifestyle of doing nothing. Doesn't even want to his dad's house on the lake, just wants to money.
Bonnie had a child young, Jerry. She married Dave, who has refused several promotions at work because he's "comfortable" where he is and doesn't want the responsibility. (Not to mention pay raise and better benefits?!) They have a daughter Katie who is 20 something, doesn't work, has one child and another on the way. The three(+ child and half) of them live in a condemned trailer. Bonnie also struggles with depression, but her family doesn't seem to think it's a big deal...
I get along fine with Grandma Lorraine, (She married Sud after Lois died) Jerry, his wife Stacy and their son Devon. We were having a nice time visiting, then the rest showed up.
*deep breath Sara. deep breath*
Now, Chris and Stacey, Rob's brother and SIL were there, they miscarried last fall. The baby would have been a month old. Stacey just found out her sister is's tough.
I was ready to rip Katie's arms from her limbs. She sat there the whole day smoking, drinking beer and YELLING at her child. It was so awful. At one point I went inside by myself and cried.
I felt like I was in white trash-ville and couldn't leave.
Here's why I'm angry.
I KNOW I can't change people, they have to want it.
But sitting around with these people that couldn't give a darn about bettering themselves or their lifestyle, perfectly content to be losers. It made me so mad and sick to my stomach. And then I started feeling convicted about the thoughts I was having.
I have enough junk with my own kin, I don't want anymore.
What I would like from you is what scripture should I be reading and filling my thoughts with instead of lingering on the junk?
Which is CLASSIC me. I'm a junk lingerER.
I know I can open my bible up and start anywhere but I'm needin' a good ol' scripture spanking!
Go ahead give it to me!

Butter and Poptart start vacation bible school this week. Rob is still on vacation and came down after dropping the kids off, he said "Wow is it quiet!"
I smiled and said "I know. Isn't it glorious!"
Now I must get back to my war! I've declared war on the school bus transportation head. They want to make Butter walk a block and half down a busy street into low income neighborhoods to get the bus. Ummmm, I don't THINK so!
If I can't see the stop from my window it ain't happening. Last year it picked her up in front of the house... Wish me luck. And don't forget the Scripture!


  1. I love Isaiah 51 for times like this..."when the redeemed of the Lord shall return..." It's always a comfort in times when I get stressed.

    Ugh. I'm sorry you had a bad weekend. Sometimes you have to build up walls around people to protect yourself. I feel so sorry for the children in this situation, but it's so hard to help them when their parents don't want the kids to have any help. If you start punching, I'll be right there to help!

  2. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways are higher than your ways, My thoughts higher than your thoughts, declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:9)

    The Lord shall judge the peoples. Judge me O Lord, according to my righteousness, and according to my integrity within me. Oh, let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end, but establish the just; for the righteousness God tests in hearts and minds. (Psalm 7:8-9)

    Matthew 7:1-6 is the go to verse on judgment, but don't forget John 7:24 - it says "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment."

    You have a beautiful heart Sara, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Praying for their children...


  3. You've gotten some really good ones there!

    What I would add is that when I am around people that frustrate me with their poor decisions, I pray FOR them. For their salvation, that they would know who their redeemer is then have the HS working in them to help them make better decisions.

    I find I can not be mad or judgemental about someone that I am praying for from my heart!


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