Monday, September 21, 2009

What I learned from a blue crayon.

Who left the blue crayon in their pocket?
That's all I want to know.
Who was it?
Because that blue crayon went through the wash machine, got shaken loose out of the pocket and went through the hot dryer.
I look at the floor below me right now and wonder, do I even try to rewash these things? Most of it is mine and Rob's clothes. Darks. I'm scared to use the dryer. I can still see blue streaks in there.
I am angry. But before I could get there; I started reading blogs. One slapped me right in the face. If you'd like to see why go here. (She talks about life being "fair")
Then I read Belle's blog, she asked what we dreamed about being as a child. That got me thinking.
I did end up a mommy, which was my first dream, but God didn't give this girl a singing voice so Broadway didn't look too promising. Then I remembered something. I worked at a school for kids with special needs. Mostly, downs syndrome. I felt close to God when I was with those kids. Even in my world now, if I come in contact with someone, I feel closest to God when I'm around them.
Butter and I were at McDonalds about a month ago. I was getting my drink. I was starving and getting the shakes because I hadn't taken the time to eat breakfast and it was now 2PM. Butter was sitting at a table already eating. I noticed this man right when we walked in, but I was focused on food, getting Butter seated. I was getting my drink, and he came over. I attract them. I'm like honey to their bees.
"Hi there!" He smiled
"Hello!" I said turning to him.
"See my shirt?"
"I do. I saw it when I came in. Did you go to the fair?"
"Yes! I was on TV!"
"No kidding? What channel?"
"Kare 11. I met Sven Sungard."
"Awesome! He wasn't there when we went. We met Belinda Jensen."
"Oh, She's pretty! I met Sven."
"You are so lucky!"
"Yes! I'm Lucky!"
"What is your name?"
"My name is Daniel."
"Nice to meet you Daniel. Have you eaten?"
"Yes I have! That is my Mom over there!"
I look and sure enough there is a woman sitting there, not knowing if she should come fetch him or not.
"Daniel, my daughter is waiting for me to sit down. Can I walk you back to your table?"
I walk him over and say a few words to his mom. I tell Daniel I liked talking to him and his shirt is super cool. He hugs me, almost knocking me over. I return to my table where Butter is asking a hundred questions Who's that? What's wrong with him? Why does he talk so loud? Why did you let a stranger hug you?
Meanwhile I hear Daniel say to his mom "I like that lady. She was so nice." I couldn't hear what she said, then I heard him say "She is pretty too!"
I couldn't help but grin. (I didn't feel pretty that day, nor was I in a terribly friendly mood) I tried my best to explain to Butter the connection I feel with people like Daniel.
When I am too busy looking inward I'll be put in the path of one of these people. It happens often enough for me to recognize it as God's working.

This morning when I woke up and went to empty the dryer. Instead of finding clean clothes waiting to be folded, I found clothes covered in blue crayon smears and I was ready to loose my top. How many times do we say "Check your pockets. Did you check your pockets? Check them again."
How many times does God ask US to check our pockets? What are we carrying around that can cause a major mess in our lives? A big stain on our washed soul?
I am so not liking this deep stuff being laid on me...
I'm not gonna say I didn't ask for it: All that Search me oh Lord stuff I've been praying. I won't go into details, but lets just say I realize I have an attitude that needs adjusting, so good on His word he is not making me search long or hard.
Now if I can just get a big heaping dose of GRACE along with that side of conviction...


  1. Oh man crayon. :( That is just the sort of thing that would really irritate me into a bit of a melt down. Good for you for stepping back and taking a little break from the blue crayon mess.

    Your story about Daniel brought tears to my eyes. Not every one has that kind of compassion...

  2. for me recently it was an ink pen..argh!

    But I love your story and how God is working on your heart! very cool.

  3. yup, it's those little life lessons that get me too!

  4. Sara, I have to tell you - this is hands down one of the best posts you've ever written! I read it earlier this morning and have been thinking about it all day long. Thank God that he gives that grace right along with the conviction. And thank YOU, girl.

  5. You Blue me away. No, really, all jesting aside, this is a WONDERFUL post. Just fabulous. I'm going to tape a blue crayon to my mirror and think of this, and you, often. WOW.


  6. I have always felt a tug around special needs people that I just couldn't explain, and you just explained it. I DO feel closer to God around them, amazing! Those "special" people are such a blessing to me, and their selfless, worn out parents always burden my heart!

    Great illustration!

  7. your posts have been so encouraging spiritually to me lately. thank you sweet sara!


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