I have been in mourning. Our family computer died last week. At first I was all panicked, "OH my God! My email, facebook! My FARM! I have crops to harvest..."
Oh yes I did just say God and refer to farmville in the same sentence. Yes, I truly did call out to him to protect my computer game crops from withering. This is what my life has come too. Farming on the computer and reading about the daily lives of some of my bestest non-reallife friends.
I have to admit I felt lost and out of touch and mighty alone.
Then I became aware of what was going on INside me. This nagging, this nudging, this pleading to listen. Then I watched Joyce. (Meyer) and I read my study. and I listened to my churches podcasts. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them telling me the same thing. What was I doing holding on to unforgiveness. Trying to be the sharpest tool in the shred. Whining over unanswered prayers when my walk was nothing about LOVE.
GOOD GRIEF, no wonder he wasn't listening, scratch that, answering me. (how DO you put the line through a word any ways?)
I have been acting like a spoiled brat throwing my hissy fits around, complaining. When really I haven't been listening to HIM. I haven't been making time for Him. I haven't been leaning on Him. I've been walking around grumbling about this rock or this stump or this wall in my way, and why doesn't SOMEBODY fill these potholes, I could trip and fall for crying out loud!
Nope, I wasn't listening when the "check engine" light came on and I was suppose to get off the road while repairs were being done.
This new computer is FAST. Lightening fast. I never realized what a slow painful death the other one was having until one day it just wouldn't boot. An awful error message came up and that was that. So as fancy as the new one is, it's still got the same "nut and bolts" we still have to protect it with special software. We have to install all of our programs so it will run right.
Yeah, that's what I needed. an UPgrade. I was running slow, tired, sinful. I needed to be unplugged and rebooted with all the upgrades He was trying to install on a beat up, worn out, had too much hurt built up hard drive. So I may have had some grief, but it was good. I can move on now.