Disappointment.

Disappointments can come in many forms:
Your favorite team looses it's game.
That pair of jeans you really wanted was just out of your price range. (Or worse you find THE perfect pair at the perfect price and they don't have anymore in your size!)
That batch of cookies you slaved over didn't turn out like you wanted...
A friendship fades...
You promised yourself you'd have more patience with the kids, and then you find yourself in that moment when patience was lost...
Your husband, though you reminded him a lunch, forgot the milk...again.
Why am I writing about disappointments?
Well, frankly, it's where I find myself these days.
Chalk it up to having expectations.
Chalk it up to thinking...maybe...this time...
Chalk it up to "that time of the month" or WHATEVER.
It really doesn't matter WHY or WHAT.
What matters is the  AND.
As in AND I'm gonna take it to the cross.
AND I'm gonna pray about it.
AND God promises to be my rock and salvation.
I could spend hours, pages complaining.
Life just isn't...blah blah blah.
Why can't things...blah blah blah.
BECAUSE; Life was never guaranteed to be unicorns and glitter, daisies and marigolds, beer and pizza. {that last was one for my hubby}
Life has and always will be about WHO we turn to. What we let hold our thoughts captive. What we let come out of our mouths...

For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

There are days when I go to church and hear a message and my heart feels convicted to change instantly. There are other times when it sinks in, when I can feel it marinating inside. No quick response, just...knowledge; I guess you'd call it. Understanding.

Today, I was met with great disappointment, right before heading into church. It sucked, I have to admit, it made me feel like turning around and going home. I didn't want to worship. This mood was too big to bring here. {church} I was irked, the songs irked me, the worshiping irked me...fowl mood. My sweet husband read me, he knew...placed his hand on my knee as he always does, and willed me to be still.
I listened, though, antsy. Our pastor touched on transformation. What am I allowing to transform me in my life. I was allowing this disappointment to break my heart, to bleed me dry of my joy today.
I'm still digging through the band-aid box trying to find the right fit for this bleeder! But I know it will heal and I know that more disappointment will come; AND I KNOW that whatever bumps or bruises come my way I have a constant healer waiting...
Father God,
Thank you for mercies. I know that I choose to take most things on myself and that I need to do a better job of letting things go and giving them up to you. I could really use some toughing up. I'll work on the grip if you could dry up the tear ducts a little...
Remind me, stalk me with your holy spirit, to forgive those disappointments. Love when I want to complain, praise when I want to pout, forgive when I want to keep score! I need you, Father God.
I pray this in the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.