If you would have asked me 18 years ago who I wanted to marry I would have told you 2 things:
#1 Joe McIntyre (Of New Kids On The Block)
#2 Johnny B. (my high school sweetie of 7 years!)
Neither one of those worked out. Young love, so innocent.
I went out to Boston. I was a nanny.
I found myself, I also found a bit of summer fun. It wasn't meant to be either. (Boston is a story for another time...)
I longed to be wanted, cherished. Every girl does right?
Then came "Ramon".
He was my "project". I could change him right?
NO. I had to get a cat to get rid of him.
Young, naive and lonely I fell for "Mr. Liar Liar pants on fire!" See, he told me this sob story of how he was getting divorced.
I know I should have been smarter than that. I wised up quickly and NEVER looked back.
I was starting to feel like an old maid!
Next we have "ISH".
He was smarmy, smooth, ishy. I was easy prey. He wanted what ishy men want...He talked about wanting to get married, I was yet another test drive. I knew ONE thing. ISH wasn't what I wanted.
I wanted commitment, forever, I was not going to settle for whatever was offered. But WHAT exactly was marriage material?
I longed to be CHERISHED. (I didn't know Christ yet, he came later too.)
So how DO you know what is right?
I spent too many dates wondering is this the "right" guy?
Time and again my answer was no, sometimes it took a long time to "get" it.
I have Daddy issues. He didn't make me feel safe and loved. He proved to be selfish and mean.
I have Mother issues. We don't see eye to eye. She runs a pageant.
And all my life, I have felt, if only I had a crown to wear, she would love me. (That's me second row, second from left. I put myself through this torture not once but 3 times! I did win Miss Congeniality once though.)
This is the lead in...tomorrow I will take you on a journey God had planned for me, my whole life long and it was up to me how the story went!
*Side Note* As I'm looking back at these pictures, I notice how obscenely happy I look. Oh, how hard I tried to be happy with what I had. I could even fake myself out.
It sad to see. I wish I could go back and tell that sweet young women to hold on and for Goodness sake,hold out for more!