Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Meeting

I was ready to let go of the past. Ready to take charge of MY life, stop trying to please the un-please-able. I arranged to meet a friend at a bar/restaurant. She had papers for me to legally change my name.

That morning I had had a huge fight with Mother. I know I hurt her deeply with my words. All I can say is that pain builds and builds without somewhere to put it...Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. I was seeking validation. I did not get any.

So I was very upset for our meeting. We were sitting at the bar, Connie knew the owners and we always sat there. People began going between us to order drinks. The place suddenly was full of people. I decided that the next person to come between us would get IT! I was going to act like I was handing them their drink and "accidentally" spill it on them.

As I reached for the glass, this voice or feeling said very clearly to me "DO NOT DO IT!" Nothing like that has ever happened to me. So naturally I worked up the nerve to try it again. "Sara! DO NOT DO IT!" That's when a hand reached out and grabbed the drink from my hand.

My hand was still on the glass, I turned around a peace just went through me. There was this guy with kind brown eyes. He smiled and said thanks. Connie started talking to him. I snapped out of my peaceful moment and remembered I was ticked off. He sat down next to me and kept talking. Hell-O so not interested.

Awhile later he asked for my number. I said NO. He wouldn't let up, so I told him where I'd be later. A little test to see how interested he was.

We were going to meet some more friends and see a local band at a different bar, across town. Nothing like making a guy work for it. Right ladies? See, I'm learning.


He said he'd see me there.


Yeah right buddy!

We went, I had a great time and forgot all my troubles. Around 12:30AM Connie asked if I thought that guy would show up. I told her I didn't care and was going to go to the bathroom, then I'd be ready to go. The place was packed!

When I came out, standing in the middle of the room with NO one else around there he was. He was even standing under a light so I could clearly see him. He saw me and I think my mouth was on the floor. It was like "choir of angels sing" moment.

"Hi Sara." He said "I'm Rob."

We spent the next hour and a half talking outside because the bar was closing. We exchanged numbers. I called him when I got home because I couldn't stop talking to the guy! He talked so naturally. He was kind- hearted. He came from a close knit family. At the center of that family was G'ma Ruth. A God fearing, generous, loving woman.

We talked everyday for hours and had our first date the following Tues. Three weeks later we were engaged. My feelings were so different. I kept thinking "What's WRONG with this guy?" He was just RIGHT. It totally threw me off. I did NOT trust it.

I later found out two things:

First: Connie gave him a card, while talking to him about brewing beer. It had MY number on it.


Second: He went to see his parents the next day and told them he found the girl he was going to marry. (Rob hadn't seriously dated anyone for 7 years until me.) He can even tell you exactly what I was wearing. I remember the song the band was playing Bruce Springsteen's 'She's The One."

We wed December 15, 2001

I took those vows knowing God was blessing this marriage. He brought me a name change like no other. That's how this all began, with me wanting a name change. But it was more than a name, it was the biggest step toward forever.

It started with the book series Left Behind. I thought I was a Christian. I was not. We had been attending this church. Eagle Brook. It was very different from the Lutheran churches we were used to going to. It was RELEVANT. I remember the Pastor asking if you haven't prayed this prayer about being a sinner and wanting Jesus to come into your heart. I did. When I looked at Rob and he said "I prayed that prayer did you?" He too was challenged to take the step and have assurance. His faithfulness came full circle. Mine opened to possibilities.


My first pregnancy was to be a test of my fledgling faith. Each time I went in for an appointment I was giving more bad news. But it wasn't hard fact, time would tell. I was put on bed rest at 32 weeks. I had weekly appointments with 2 different Doctors. Weekly sonograms. On Christmas Eve I developed Bells Palsy. (Where half your face looks like you had a stroke. And nobody can predict how long the side effects will last.) At 39 weeks I had a c-section because Nina was breech, I was contracting and losing fluid. Our daughter was born December 27, 2002

She was born prefect and healthy. We weren't sure she would be. My Bells Palsy cleared after two weeks.

The strain of that ordeal made me feel blessed. But also done. I didn't want more children. I couldn't go through that again. I became pregnant again, I couldn't tell you how! Seriously. I was filled with fear and with that came anger. After six months, I gave it up to God. This was on him. He obviously had a plan here. As the hurdles came and went with ease I began to soften.

Our son was born January 1, 2005

This is my favorite picture. But the honeymoon ended that night. I had horrible post-partum depression. Ugly thoughts. The nurses were vampires, I'd look into the bassinet and see a bloody corpse. I'd visualize myself throwing my baby out the window. Nina wouldn't sit on my lap and this baby was the reason she didn't like me. I was put on medication. I took myself off it 3 weeks later. ( I was later told that can be a side effect of the anesthesia) Nicholas cried all the TIME. My mother would tell me to "let him cry it out." My heart couldn't take this. I was his mother and nothing I did soothed this baby. Our pediatrician suggested a special blanket and using the swing. It's called the 'Miracle Blanket.' It swaddles babies up tight.

Really tight, so they can feel like they did in the womb. They can't flail out of it. I'd wrap him in this blanket, place him in the swing going full speed. He would sleep. For hours! For 7 months this is how he slept. I finally, finally felt love toward this child. It was at this time I hit my knees and thanked God for NOT listening to me and knowing what would make us a family. Complete to His plan. Not comfortable for mine.

Our faith deepened. God spoke to us again. We were baptized together the summer of 2006


I share this with you because today is the day I celebrate my new life beginning.


October 7, 2001


The day I met my husband.


The day God spoke my name and I obeyed.


 

16 comments:

  1. Wow. This was worth waiting for! What a wonderful story!

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  2. Thank you for sharing this! I just got done reading something about the sovereignty of God through difficult things-- Then I read this, about how He was working through your heartache, meeting your husband. He was working through your difficult pregnancy, colic, and postpartum depression.

    I think we sometimes forget that life isn't meant to be easy, but it really does all work together for good.

    Great post!

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  3. Oh Sara , what an incredible journey you've had! I feel priviledged to hear it and share in your joy. You have really been blessed! I love your verses and how you changed man to woman , it's so fitting!

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  4. to say this was a beautiful story doesn't quite seem like it does it justice. you are such a fantastic writer and i loved all the details.

    it was so cool to sit here for a few moments and hear about your life. God has surely been faithful in blessing you, keeping you and restoring you.

    that whole depression thing...blech...so glad He brought you thru. i can sure identify.

    and all those sweet details of when you first met were priceless.

    what a great read this morning!!

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  5. I have to tell you this blog blessed my heart soooo much! What a GREAT testimony you have, this is sooo exciting. I love to hear how God draws people to Him. And wow, you and your husband are a gorgeous couple! You look so beautiful in your wedding picture!

    I too had post partum depression after my second baby. I am glad God got you through that.

    What a great God we serve, and I am so glad I am blessed enough to read your story. Truly amazing!

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  6. What a powerful story! Thank you for sharing!

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  7. I am so glad you shared this about you! You sound like such an amazing and faith-filled woman and mom. I'm so glad we happened to blog-meet! PLEASE keep commenting, I love hearing your thoughts!

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  8. Me again :)
    Could you email me? I'm not seeing your email, but I could be totally missing it...
    Just have a quick question for you. Thanks!
    Heather
    fullcircle_doula@yahoo.com

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  9. I was humming He Who Began A Good Work In You while reading this, and at the end I saw you had written that verse out! So True; God is FAITHFUL. I'm fond of saying if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. Because he always wants more for us than we want for ourselves and He alone knows the perfect way to bring us into it. Beautifully touching, thank you for letting us in. Blessings, Whitney

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  10. Wow. Powerful story. Thanks for sharing!

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  11. Sweet. Don't you just love how you just knew that he was the one? I had the same experience. Great story.

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  12. Such a beautiful, powerful testimony! How amazing the way the Lord has spoken to you, directed your steps, led you to Himself--what a blessing. Thanks so much for sharing your story and your heart!

    Blessings!

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  13. Umm....how dorky would you think I am if I would admit that I am sobbing? Not like little tears gently coming to my eyes. Your post actually induced some of those not so attratctive type cries. :)
    Many reasons; the way you write, with raw emotion. The way I could first really feel your searching, then your pain, then the love. Especially reading of the way you have and are allowing God to do what HE wants in your life. He always knows best, but so often takes us down such an unexpected road. You are a strong woman and you have blessed me incredibly!

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  14. This was a beautiful post. I am so glad you shared it. I am glad you came across our politics blog and we became friends.

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  15. You have a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it.

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