Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's cold!

It is not a nice today for us here in Minnesota. It is stinkin' cold. I have my bathrobe and slippers on OVER my turtleneck, sweatsuit and fuzzy socks. Are thermostat is set at 68. any higher and or heating bill will crush us! So we have space heaters in every room. Today, I am looking forward to doing laundry. Yep, you heard me right. See I plan to sit in the middle of those clothes after each load comes out of the dryer all warm and good smelling!
It's the little things.
I will give you a brief telling of my evening last night. Anniversary and all.
Hubby brought me flowers. Which he says he doesn't so enough. They are very pretty hot pink roses. Butter was more excited about them then me. She really loves getting flowers. Then after I read his card, which made me cry it was so sweet. He said "I thought me could go to the mall and you could pick out a cross." We didn't get there. I care not to go into that at the present moment. So we took the kids to the in-laws and headed out for dinner. We went to a place known for steak and seafood, it's also where we had our first date. I ordered the lobster tails. I don't get that very often. It wasn't good. This was the second time we've eaten here and I've had to send my meal back. All I know is that lobster isn't suppose to taste like that did and I wasn't paying THAT price for yucky food. Then I began to cry. I felt HORRIBLE that I ruined the evening. Hubby of course kept saying I didn't...which only made me feel worse. I have to explain, that once a restaurant screws up my meal I will not order anything else. The meal is over for me. I have in my mind what I would like and when that is ruined there is no making up for it. Hubby even asked where I'd like to go for dessert then. We just finished paying $45 for one meal...I certainly wasn't going to spend more money. He took me home and I went to bed. He went and picked up the kiddos, because I didn't want to hear Mom say "OH, I'm SO sorry dinner was bad." I was a sad mess last night and needed to sleep it off. As we were driving home Hubby said "We should have just gone to a movie." He has NO idea how badly that stung. I have been wanting to see Australia for awhile now...
It's over and a new day has dawned and I am determined to "let it go"
But I must tell you about the cross. Something came to me last night. (this was before dinner) When Rob told me I could go pick one because he couldn't find one that he liked for me. I have never wanted a cross to wear. I wasn't drawn to them. And in some Catholic churches I got "creeped" out by the crucifix over the alter. I don't mind crosses. They are symbols. I am a very sensitve person. I can't listen to stories and NOT be affected deeply by them. I ache when I here about those that want babies and can't...I ache when I here of loved ones being sick...I really can't stand gore talk. You know when people go into detail about knee surgery. I had a friend who is a paramedic and he liked to tell stories of calls he was on...it totally grossed me out. So, that said when I think of the cross, I think of the beating and agony that Jesus suffered. It is very painful for me to think of this. I do not feel worthy of that kind of torture. The only thing that gets me through the thought is he is God. And had a whole other level of mind over matter. I'm NOT saying that he didn't suffer pain, I'm saying that he could SEE the outcome of his actions...where as I after the first blow would only have been able to FEEL the pain. So for me the cross is a symbol of OUR sin. Of the cruelty and unfairness in this world. Of the evil. We put him there. We beat him, nailed him. He CHOSE that for us. If someone hurt my child. I could shoot them. Quick, painless. I could NEVER flog them and nail them and hang them on a cross. Crosses can be pretty, I have three in my house. But they do not "look" like THE cross. I like to think of Jesus. Not him suffering on it. I hope you can all understand where I'm coming from.
To wear that around my neck would be a reminder of the evil and brutality in the world that made it so he HAD to come and save us. It does not draw me closer to him in reverence. It pushes me away, because there is NO way that I a worthy of that. (If you remember my book post. I posted a book called the Passion of Jesus the Christ. Which is different then the movie, which I can not see. I couldn't make it through Saving Private Ryan! Anyway, the book gives all then reasons Jesus died for us. It is powerful and wonderful and it is the way I choose to look at it. Without the gore and symbols.)
Ok I am now going to make some hot chocolate and watch my Survivor finale. I have to see who wins the million dollars. It's one of my favoite shows, why? because this girl would and could NEVER do it. I hate starving, bugs, snakes, sleeping outside being without family...


  1. Sarah Happy Anniversary!!
    Our church doesn't use the cross symbol and when I was little I asked my Mom why not. She explained that we look to the fact that he rose again as our symbol of faith. That made sense to me and I love remebering the fact that he rose the 3rd day and not focusing on the death part.

  2. That makes sense about the cross...and good smelling fresh laundry it is awesome...enjoy the finale!!!

  3. hello my sweet sensitive sara. i love that about you. i love that you think so much more past the simple symbolism and remember the deep meaning on things. so your cross explanation made sense to me. and i think you should go for a heart. because you sincerely do get it on how much God does love you!!!

    the anniversary? oh can i identify. it's almost like i need to celebrate these special holidays on a whim ANOTHER day. cuz i'm always sad somehow on my bday, etc. you have one wonderful husband lady and i know he loves you no matter what. oh and remember to eat dessert FIRST?!! i know i've taken on that motto in life from you.

    and lastly...i KNEW you were mrs. claus. just knew it! love the new header!!

  4. Awww. I wish your special day could've been more enjoyable, but you seem to bounce back from dissipointment quite well. :)
    Mmmm - hot chocolate and survivor.

  5. That is stinky your anniversary dinner was crummy.

    I totally see your point of view about the cross. I don't like the ones that show Jesus still on the cross, like the ones you mentioned in the Catholic churches, those creep me out big time, and they really aren't correct, because He isn't there anymore, yay!

    I enjoy wearing my empty cross as the symbol that he is no longer on it, that he conquered sin and death on there for me and he has now risen, kind of like a symbol of victory I guess. I also like having one so that I will never forget everything He did for me, so that maybe I will try to live my best for Him.

    I do think your views on it make perfect sense though. And I watched "The Passion of the Christ" once and I vowed I would never watch it again, it hurt soooo bad. Though technically I only saw half of it, because the other half of it I covered my eyes though.

    And we are major Survivor fans. Boo on Randy!

    Your blog is so good. It is very uplifting and heartwarming and I am so glad I found it.

  6. Sara,
    I'm sorry the anniversary flopped. That stinks. I love how honest you are. I just had to tell you that. That's one of the many reasons so many people love you.
    I have the same feelings about the cross symbol. Maybe you'd like three interlocking circles (hubby, you and God or Father, Son, Holy Spirit) Just an idea.
    I hope you begin to feel worthy of the kind of love that took Jesus to the cross. On the one hand, we never could be, we're all human and totally flawed. But on the other hand, we're made in God's image and He sees us as pure and justified with grace. It's so overwhelming. But He does think YOU (even if it had ONLY been you He died for) as totally worth it.

    Happy?Anniversary :)

    I hope you got my email thanking you for the ornament. You rock.

  7. I know what you mean about the crosses. I feel the same way sometimes.

    About dinner-I expect perfection when we go out and if it isn't perfect I get upset. Esp. when it's lobster. I love lobster and steak!

    Happy anniversary a day late!

  8. Sara,
    Sorry about your icky anniversary dinner...I hate it when that happens! I hope you had a good night's sleep though?!?
    The cross thing...I get it. I do have a cross necklace...a little one that my hubby bought me while I was on bedrest during my pregnancy. I had gotten so close to God during that time...that I looked at the cross as a sign of hope, and that is how I think of it now, too. Hope.
    But I understand what you are saying...
    Enjoy your hot coco and finale! I'm about to enjoy some sugar cookie hot tea...mmmmmmmm...cheers!

  9. We had quite a stinky anniversary too today. Went to work. Had to punish our child after school. Ate leftover taco soup. It rained. Beau is falling asleep on the couch and I'm ready for bed too. We'll celebrate next week.

  10. Sara, I am sorry dinner didn't turn out so good, maybe you can have a redo?! I love lobster and you're right, if you're going to pay that much, it better be good!!!

    I will have to tell you about my experience at the move "passion of Christ"..it was quite memorable.


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