It is not a nice today for us here in Minnesota. It is stinkin' cold. I have my bathrobe and slippers on OVER my turtleneck, sweatsuit and fuzzy socks. Are thermostat is set at 68. any higher and or heating bill will crush us! So we have space heaters in every room. Today, I am looking forward to doing laundry. Yep, you heard me right. See I plan to sit in the middle of those clothes after each load comes out of the dryer all warm and good smelling!
It's the little things.
I will give you a brief telling of my evening last night. Anniversary and all.
Hubby brought me flowers. Which he says he doesn't so enough. They are very pretty hot pink roses. Butter was more excited about them then me. She really loves getting flowers. Then after I read his card, which made me cry it was so sweet. He said "I thought me could go to the mall and you could pick out a cross." We didn't get there. I care not to go into that at the present moment. So we took the kids to the in-laws and headed out for dinner. We went to a place known for steak and seafood, it's also where we had our first date. I ordered the lobster tails. I don't get that very often. It wasn't good. This was the second time we've eaten here and I've had to send my meal back. All I know is that lobster isn't suppose to taste like that did and I wasn't paying THAT price for yucky food. Then I began to cry. I felt HORRIBLE that I ruined the evening. Hubby of course kept saying I didn't...which only made me feel worse. I have to explain, that once a restaurant screws up my meal I will not order anything else. The meal is over for me. I have in my mind what I would like and when that is ruined there is no making up for it. Hubby even asked where I'd like to go for dessert then. We just finished paying $45 for one meal...I certainly wasn't going to spend more money. He took me home and I went to bed. He went and picked up the kiddos, because I didn't want to hear Mom say "OH, I'm SO sorry dinner was bad." I was a sad mess last night and needed to sleep it off. As we were driving home Hubby said "We should have just gone to a movie." He has NO idea how badly that stung. I have been wanting to see Australia for awhile now...
It's over and a new day has dawned and I am determined to "let it go"
But I must tell you about the cross. Something came to me last night. (this was before dinner) When Rob told me I could go pick one because he couldn't find one that he liked for me. I have never wanted a cross to wear. I wasn't drawn to them. And in some Catholic churches I got "creeped" out by the crucifix over the alter. I don't mind crosses. They are symbols. I am a very sensitve person. I can't listen to stories and NOT be affected deeply by them. I ache when I here about those that want babies and can't...I ache when I here of loved ones being sick...I really can't stand gore talk. You know when people go into detail about knee surgery. I had a friend who is a paramedic and he liked to tell stories of calls he was on...it totally grossed me out. So, that said when I think of the cross, I think of the beating and agony that Jesus suffered. It is very painful for me to think of this. I do not feel worthy of that kind of torture. The only thing that gets me through the thought is he is God. And had a whole other level of mind over matter. I'm NOT saying that he didn't suffer pain, I'm saying that he could SEE the outcome of his actions...where as I after the first blow would only have been able to FEEL the pain. So for me the cross is a symbol of OUR sin. Of the cruelty and unfairness in this world. Of the evil. We put him there. We beat him, nailed him. He CHOSE that for us. If someone hurt my child. I could shoot them. Quick, painless. I could NEVER flog them and nail them and hang them on a cross. Crosses can be pretty, I have three in my house. But they do not "look" like THE cross. I like to think of Jesus. Not him suffering on it. I hope you can all understand where I'm coming from.
To wear that around my neck would be a reminder of the evil and brutality in the world that made it so he HAD to come and save us. It does not draw me closer to him in reverence. It pushes me away, because there is NO way that I a worthy of that. (If you remember my book post. I posted a book called the Passion of Jesus the Christ. Which is different then the movie, which I can not see. I couldn't make it through Saving Private Ryan! Anyway, the book gives all then reasons Jesus died for us. It is powerful and wonderful and it is the way I choose to look at it. Without the gore and symbols.)
Ok I am now going to make some hot chocolate and watch my Survivor finale. I have to see who wins the million dollars. It's one of my favoite shows, why? because this girl would and could NEVER do it. I hate starving, bugs, snakes, sleeping outside being without family...