The first thing he said to us this morning "Today I'm four!"
On this day four years ago our son Nicholas was born. It was a surprise. One of the many he has provided for us. After the pregnancy and birth of our daughter, Butter, I was D.O.N.E. I felt blessed and relieved that we had a healthy, beautiful girl. Yes, I wanted more in the sense that if snapping my fingers and the stork came then sure...the more the merrier. But I never wanted to be pregnant again. It wasn't much fun the first time and I felt like we dodged a bullet, don't press the luck...in other words terror, to think what would happen if I did it again. I went in for my annual exam, one year after giving birth to Butter.
My Doctor laughed at me when I said I didn't want to go back on pills. We weren't "doing" anything. We were lucky to get a full nights sleep; we weren't wasting it on that. Besides, I'm like clock work, I know my body.
Anywho, he joked that he'd "see me in a month or two." Ha ha ha.
Months went by.
Two exactly, and I wasn't feeling so hot. I was late. It got later. A week went by. I started panicking.
I was shaking as I took that test on a Saturday. I remember because Rob was home. I came out of the bathroom crying. Rob was all touchy feel-ly...I said "Don't touch me, there will be NO touching me EVER again." Then he said "Are you mad?" I hissed "YES. I'm mad." Then I cried, sobbed, "I can't DO this again."
My mind ran through every appointment I had with Butter. Every shred of fear rushed forth. I didn't want to be pregnant again and this time have the bad things come true.
I went to the Doctor. He laughed, of course he did, he had warned me...
He was kind and comforting. He promised me that this time would be better. I went in for my first ultrasound at 12 weeks. I remember clear as day watching the screen waiting to see the tiny open space where the baby was. As I was watching the teenie tiny peanut shaped thing I thought in my mind
"Hello little boy."
It was clear as day.
I would have to wait to be sure. I told no one.
I was wrong the first time. Well, not wrong just not letting myself think about a girl...there is a difference.
I decided that we would let Nana, Papa, & Grammy come too for the "big" ultrasound. 20 weeks is long enough for me to wait for a surprise, plus I like to organize, plan.
I was getting really good at reading the ultrasounds. Then I was asked if I'd like to know the sex. As she scanned my belly I said "It's a boy." only loud enough for her to hear.
She looked at me and said "You're right, do you see it."
"Uh huh. Boys look like turtles, girls look like hamburgers."
"What? See what?" Was the response from the room.
The nurse and I shouted at the same time
"It's a boy!"
"Nicholas." Rob said.
It was after that, that Nana started calling the baby, Nicholas. Even though WE hadn't made the "official" decision on that...I was still fighting for Cooper. For a girl we chose Natalie.
Up until that point my pregnancy was just like the other one. Tired all the time, nauseous all the time. Craving jars of hamburger sliced pickles. I was waiting for the nurse to say something about the fluid level. It was at this timing the last time around the fluid became an issue. I finally had to ask her how it was. She was impressed by my knowledge. (Um, no, I just had a lot of checks/scares the last time around.)
Everything looked great.
Then the big Glucose test day loomed. Dr. Campbell handle me like a PRO. He told me to eat a light breakfast. I ate one egg. And drank water. He told me I could drink some water after the glucose drink. Which I did. I pasted with flying colors. Two hurdles down. I was beginning to believe him when He said this one would be better.
I just kept getting bigger and bigger. I still didn't like the feeling in my belly.
It was just weird for me. This baby was really "quiet"too. Very little movement. (Which that isn't always a good sign either...that could mean something bad.) I would poke and push on the bump a lot just to check.
At 34 weeks I had these strong contractions, crazy painful. I went to the hospital and found out they were Brakston Hicks. I spent the night there and went home. It seemed like every other day I would call, go in and have to sit for hours then get sent home.
At Butter's birthday party a friend of mine asked when I was due. My due date was January 11th but because I was scheduled for a repeat c-section I was going in on the 4th of January. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me I would be going sooner. I laughed it off and thought of all the times I'd already thought I was mistaken about labor.
I never went into labor with Butter and she was closer to her due date.
I woke up January 1 feeling off. Tired. Really tired. I slept most of the day. And I felt crabby, uncomfortable. Achy. Finally I said about 4PM "I think I'm in labor."
Which was getting old for me by now. I called the doctor and they said come in and get checked out.
Here is the kicker, there was an ICE STORM going on. It was a 35 minute drive to the hospital...what if they sent me home. Then not only would we have to drive to the hospital in the freezing rain, but home again too! This wasn't happening and I wasn't getting "checked out."
I waited a few hours. I just got crabbier and crabbier. Dangerous or not I was going in and NOT leaving until my belly was flat and the baby was in my arms.
We called for Grandparents to come stay with Butter, and it took us over an hour to get to the hospital. It was 8:30PM. I was told Dr. Campbell just went home after working a double. GREAT. And yes I was in labor. I was at a 5. The nurse had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to try a VBAC. I could have ripped her throat out. I won't gore you with the exact words I used to say no, thank you. Let's just say God was covering his ears and shaking his head at this unruly daughter of his.
Did I mention they gave me shots to try to stop my labor, and that the contractions would come back sooner and stronger then the last time?
Well it was awful. I do not handle pain well. I am a YELLER. And stubborn. I believe I may have been down right mean...do not mix Sara & pain.
Every time they came in to check me I would clamp my legs closed and order them to get Dr. Campbell back here! I would not allow them to poke or prod me. I hated labor. All I could visualize, was me killing the next person who didn't get this baby OUT OF ME!
I think it was around 10:30PM the nurses had had there fill of me and prepped me for surgery. After I got my epi and I was happy. I actually apologized for nearly ripping their throats out. (yes, I said "I'm so sorry I nearly ripped your throat out.") I wonder how often they get death threats like that? I would like to think a fair amount seeing as they are around birthing mothers, whom can NOT all can be like TLC's ' a baby story'
Dr. Campbell asked if I had another "pooper" on the way. (He remembers EVERYTHING.)
He even said "At least I can see your smile this time around." (Bells Palsy)
I told him he should have gotten here sooner and I would have been smiling more and I wouldn't have had to make death threats.
I went into surgery at 10:50PM
Nicholas Robert was born at 11:03PM.He launched himself off the bottom of my ribcage and nearly leapt off the table.
"He's a jumper!" Dr. Campbell said. I think he was happy not to get pooped or peed on.
When he was brought around the curtain my first thought was
"That's IT? That's all of him? He sure felt bigger then that!"
6lbs 13 ozs 21 inches long.
Pure joy! From not wanting another child to finally seeing my boy. From the moment I excepted that I was having another child, I knew this had nothing to do with me. It was ALL God's plan. I had peace throughout the pregnancy. From Dr. Campbell, from getting past the hurdles and from knowing that God had his own plan.
I was trusting that he would make it okay.
Butter was our wish come true.
Nicholas was our surprise gift.He did take getting used to though. He was NOT an angel baby, like his sister was. He had acid reflux. Which meant he didn't eat or sleep well. FINALLY at two months of age we got relief.
Dr. Davis (FABULOUS Doctor) suggested the Miracle Blanket to us and that we sleep him in his swing on high speed. It totally worked. He would sleep hours at a time. Then he was able to eat, because he slept good and slept better because he ate good. AMAZING. I can't tell you how many dollars went into D batteries. Then we weaned him from the swing and kept using the blanket. He would literally be screaming bloody murder and as soon as you laid him down and started pinning his arms down and into the blanket he'd settle and get all calm and quiet, nearly asleep before you laid him in the crib. He LOVED that blanket. It was the craziest thing! (I look at those new babies out there who are screaming and I think SWADDLE them babies! They need to feel safe people!)He is a ray of sun straight from God, lighting up our home.
I used to sing "You are my Sunshine" to him because he is the sunshine of this family!
I used to sing "You are my Sunshine" to him because he is the sunshine of this family!
He is our joker. Our Funny guy. Oh, how We love him.
You know how I told you of Rob and Butter's bond...something that I can't compete with but have my own in a different way?
Well, I have this bond with Roo. We need each other. I need him to teach me to be a good mother to a boy and he needs this affection and love that only I can seem to give him. Daddy has love too...let me make that clear.But if you looked in on our family at any given time, Roo is always near me and Butter is by her Daddy. It's the sweetest thing.
Will we have another one? Do you know how many times I've been asked that?
(If I enjoyed it, I'd carry OTHER peoples babies for them.)
No, we are done now.
We are content with the family God gave us. A 4 pack. Plus dog and cat.
I am so glad that God gave us Nicholas, even when we didn't ask, He knew how to make this family whole and complete.
Today, we celebrate our SURPRISE boy!
HAPPY 4TH BRITHDAY LITTLE BUDDY!!!!!!