Straight talking figure...HUH?!

I had a stellar weekend. And today just feels like a Saturday. (I know this is really crazy)
Last weekend Rob and I hunkered down to watch some movies. Friday was for the kids. We watched Igor. It was fun. I loved a song in it.


Saturday was for US. We chose Australia. On demand is SO nice!!!!
If I want to watch a movie at 1:16PM I can watch a movie. I don't have to wait until 2PM for it to start it's "showing". HALLELUJAH!
For some reason I also had the baking bug.
Two batches/ two kinds of cookies.
Chocolate chip which I hadn't made since summer. LONGGGG story.
And Molasses. MMMM, yummy.
We would pause it when the beeper went off and I'd do my switch and race back for 9 more minutes of movie.
I couldn't say what the children were doing. All I know is it was quiet.
Yes, I loved the movie. Yes I got all my cookies baked and YES the children were up to no good and made a huge mess with the downstairs. We are talking cushions off the couch, blankets and paper everywhere. Stuffed toys on every visible service. Crumbs...oh the crumbs.
and of course the spilt grape juice.
No, really laugh it UP. Cause I sure did. I would have thought I was in wonderland because my basement could not have looked more trashed if a tornado had gone through it.
No, I did not take pictures. Who really wants a reminder of your worst parenting yell-o-thon ever. And not just one parent, TWO parents simultaneously yelling.
Still laughing?
Admission: me too.
It was ugly.
Sunday we had a sitter and got to have a real date.
Dinner. Fabulous. Never uttered one word of the children. It was as if we never had them.
SIGH!
Then we went to see Dave Barnes. He's the guy that puts out the crazy Christmas you tube thingys. Well, he can REALLY sing. His show was great. Although I felt really really old. See at least 5 of the people in front of us in line got their hands scribbled on. As I approached the bouncer says "ID."
I look at him and say "Umm, those people looked far younger then I right?"
"Yes, but you look no more then 20 so I need to check."
Ok, fine
"See WAY older then 20!" I say
"Yes, but certainly not 29."
"Um, I'm 34."
"Like I said certainly not 29. Look hon I've been doing this along time and you really don't look 29."
"cause I'm not. I'm 34."
This is when Rob starts pushing me forward and the guy gives him this look. And as I'm moving forward I turn back and say "Hey you didn't write on my hands!"
Rob leans over and says "Sar, that is for the under 21 crowd."
Then the guy shrugs his shoulders and winks at me.
OH!
Dummy.
Here's anothe weird thing. Everyone is texting someone. All you see is the glow from phone screens. it is SO blizarre.
I remember going out. and if you were out you were out. Your friends better have found out where you were before you went out. There were no CELL PHONES.
And then all the cell phone cameras going off.
I mean PUL-eez.
I feel like a grandma..."back in my day..."
Moving on.
The opening act sounded good. I couldn't see. I am vertically challenged. Then came the basketball team. I kid you not like 6 ballers and their babes came in and got RIGHT in front of us, all I could see were butts. Think I'm lying? Ask Rob. It was HIS idea to move because he got tired of seeing my eyes on pockets. Kinda hard to look at anything else but floor or ceiling.
I went to the bathroom and realized there was a perfect view of the stage far up and away from the crowd. Perfect. We sat on chairs and snuggled up in the balcony and listened to the fine music.
The only problem. We were by the bathrooms and I had a straight shot into the men's room. There were stalls...but I knew how long each person was in there...saw the feet. HOW gross is it when you KNOW someone didn't wash their hands. I KNOW!
For Dave's last song he went out into the crowd. (some of whom hadn't washed their hands... sorry it's what I was thinking)
And made US all sing. It was so wonderful. It sounded like angels. (Cough! with dirty hands)
You know what? God made me a germ a phobe for a reason! To teach my children that we WASH our HANDS. We come in our home and we wash our hands. We wash before we eat. If we go to McDonalds we wash before we eat and then right before we dig in we wipe with a cleanser.
I'm seriously considering pocket Lysol to spray my tables before we sit.
People are gross. And they look totally normal and clean, but they are NOT clean.
I like my production of picking my nose thank you. It involves tissue and washing hands. No wiping on the side of the car seat or flicking or EWE, have you ever seen the people that "hock the Lugie"? That brings gross to a whole new level.
If my child EVER does that I will make them SWALLOW it back down. I so will.
Can somebody please find my straight jacket, I'm a little cold.