I realized I never linked a post in Raw.
Oops. Sorry bout that, but most of you read 'Burning a Bridge'
I have spent most of the weekend inside myself. Dissecting anything sinful in my thoughts or actions regarding the situation with Mother.
I have spent my nights crying myself out. I don't say that so you'll feel "sorry" for me. That is not what I want. I want to be clear and open to God's voice and unless I release the pain I can not hear him over the ache.
What I've come to is regardless of loving our enemies and giving them water when thirsty and food when hungry...yes we are called to do this. But those enemies have been wandering, have made their way to our door. It is not us seeking them out.
God calls some to ministry. I am not called to ministry other then to build the foundation for those entrusted to me. My Children.
I was a child once. Entrusted to a mother and father who chose NOT to build a foundation firm on the Lord.
For them, they met the needs, of food and shelter. When the job was done they left pursuing worldly riches.
I was left to build my own foundation, and thankfully God never left my side.
No one can understand my heart without living it out.
God knows my heart, again I am blessed that it is He that carries through this pain and tells me it's going to be ok.
I know that He has something planned. I am giving the choice of closing a battered door. He has something planned for me. That door has been kept open too long. By me and my expectations and wishes and wants.
It has been I that have ignored His prompting to close the door. To walk into freedom He knew would come in closing it.
God doesn't surround me with lies. He does not lie to my heart.
I have believed the lies of the enemy telling me that mother knows best and mother is right and I need to hang in there.
The Enemy wants me in this pain. He lets things get better so I have hope, only to fall more deeply off track. He wants to keep me here. In this constant cycle of hurts and wishes. To doubt who I am. That doesn't come from God.
This is a merry-go-round designed by the great deceiver to keep me back from a purpose.
If I hold on just a little longer, one more time around Mother will come around.
I'm sorry, I don't believe that ANYMORE.
I have never heard my Mother say the name Jesus. I can not recall one time.
She does not believe the bible is real. I'm I am suppose to "hold out" that I will love her enough to do what only God can.
My only want is to do right by Our Lord and Savior. I need to recognize when I am trying to hard to do HIS job.
He has turned my life around so that GLORY will be his not mine.
I see where I have tried to bring my family to Christ.
Mother holds me in a place I was not CALLED to be. NO, child is called to be for a mother.
My heart is done talking about it today.
See I have a date with my husband today. In nearly 2 hours!
We are going to dinner and to see Dave Barnes. (A gifted singer and songwriter. He is also gifted with comedy.)
We did watch Australia yesterday. That was an amazing movie. The scenery. I, of course didn't like that so many people died in it. But the story called for it. Sometimes it is the pain we need to go through to get us to the place we are meant to be.
I'd like to end by saying thank you for your comments. They have meant a great deal to me.
I wish I could hug one of you.
Tomorrow I am SO excited because it is time to DANCE IT OUT!
These blues are nearly outta here and I am looking forward to Mix Tape Monday Dance edition to dance them away.