A secret got out.
Well, not so much a secret, a "with holding".
Plans were being made not in my presence.
It was probably better that way, I was told then I wouldn't get my hopes up.
I DO get high hopes.
That in turn brings deep crashes.
I have been known to bounce back, slap the dust off and hit hard the next time too.
That is just how I'm made, I take the hard licks, cry a bit and keep moving.
I believe is how He works in me. He lets me go at it, in my own stubborn way and when all is stripped away and the skin is raw, He comes in and lovingly cares over me, enticing me to do it HIS way, there would be less scrapes.
I had a restless night.
Sleep was hard to come by.
Rest in my head even harder.
The secret got out.
And now my head is dancing at the thought of working on a dream.
Have I lost you?
See, after we had our fill of Ham and cheesy potatoes and deviled eggs and warm buttery crescent rolls...in the middle of the Masters, between Phil and Tiger's putts I heard Dad and Rob talking about Florida.
I was have listening...
Then I heard Rob say "I haven't told her yet."
My ears perked up, HIGH ALERT! HIGH ALERT!
Nobody withholds info from me, I'm super sleuth, I'll work it out of you.
This was big, because Rob tells me everything. Ladies this is a man that can not keep secrets.
He can keep a secret like I can turn done chocolate. Impossible.
He saw my eyes shoot in his direction and I saw him sigh. Busted and the warning came.
"I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to get your hopes up."
Too late. See that Hopes just went flying through the air.
Gary said "We're thinking of taking you guys down to Florida in August."
Both of them rolled their eyes. Knowing there was no chance in getting the hopes out of the stratosphere.
"Well, now don't get excited. Pensacola. To the beach. Disney is ridiculously expensive."
Umm, I know....(Can you hear those gears turning?)
"something, something something Chris and Stacey....something something You guys....something else August." (My mind was running and I missed have that sentence.)
Then desert was called.
I haven't talked to Rob yet about it, I could tell it wasn't a good time...
All he said was we'll see...
So today I'm working on a dream....
I am on a mission to find away to DO Disney on a budget. We will be driving down in the RV and staying in the RV. (So we don't need plane tickets.) It won't be any one's birthday while we would be down there, so no body's getting in free.
So now I ask ya'll: Do you have any money saving tips for me?
I've only been to Disney once. When I was 12. I enjoyed it. But it would have been better if I'd been little, Magic Kingdom is just so magical and should be seen by the little ones. I have been after Rob for 2 years now about taking the kids before Butter out grows the Princesses. And it will only get better as they get older and can do the "rides". But you can't get that magic back.
It is my dream to take my kiddos to Disney.
Is that every parents dream? (Aside from them having fulfilling lives and serving the Lord?)
I feel like a Navy Seal, my eyes have found their target and are locked in. I just need the order to fire...
Tears came in a flood last night. Just as I was ready to lay my head on my pillow.
I am tired of morning for the loss of people I never had in the first place.
I told Mom (Tonya), about my last conversation with Mother. Mom, cried for me. I can be tough.
I can be strong. I can get so mad at myself for being so stinkin' stubborn and hard headed.
But I can be brought to my knees instantly when the wounds of my heart get torn open.
I can handle the missing out on this life. But I am afraid that they will be lost FOREVER.
There will be no reunion...
Hoping for the reunion in Heaven.
I don't have that hope.
I only see the hearts growing colder and harder as time passes.
Please, don't send me comments about what God can do. I already KNOW this. I BELIEVE this is true. I pray daily for them.
I know what I know. Some sinners will not change. Their foundations have been laid in lies. And temples built on dark promises. Things that have been said in my presence make it clear to me that they are content to live in sin. That is where they are happy.
This is what I mourn. This is what keeps my tears flowing...
We had a wonderful Easter.
We were surrounded by people that are related to each other by a thread and yet form a close "family". It opened my eyes farther to what F.A.M.I.L.Y. is.
Family is what WE choose to make it. Who we choose. It's not set in stone or even blood. It was paid for in blood. It's not the blood that you share in your veins. It's the blood you share belief IN.
Karen K. invited us to her home. Karen is the mother of Erik & Jake.
Erik is married to Jenni Cox. Jenni is the daughter of Michael & Karen Cox. Michael is the brother of Gary. Gary & Tonya Cox are Rob's parents.
Still with me?
Jenni has two sisters. Laurie~Married to Paul L. ~children Ryan 19, Sam 10, Dan 5.
And Katie~married to Spencer T.~ children Ava 4 & Parker 3.
This was the family that invited us to brunch. It was wonderful. We see them often. Maybe monthly. It was awkward at first. Someone lost a tooth and they got together to celebrate.
For a girl who could barely handle Christmas and Easter with her Mom, Dad and sister, this was weird!
I have come to relish these gatherings. Getting to know these people, relying on these people to be there, because THAT is the blood that runs in this family. TOGETHERNESS.
I find Joy being a Cox.
Mom and Dad treat me as one of their own. I'm not the daughter -in law. I am a daughter.
Now, if I can just convince them that Florida IS a do~able trip!
I'm working on a dream...