It's been awhile since I posted some of my journal. I chose this page to share today because I'm curious about what you are dreaming of.
Not just what your dream are about, but what are your dreams today, in this moment?
What were your dreams in High school? Have they changed? How so?
For the most part the dreams I dreamt long ago have come true. I have a wonderful husband, two adorable children, a dog, a cat and a fenced in yard. I'm living the dream!
Yeah, not so much. See I want more! Not more stuff to fill my house, not more things to take up space. I want more of what Peter had. Faith. Passion. Love for Christ. Trust.
He got out of the boat. Sure he started sinking the moment he took his eyes off the Lord, but he GOT OUT of the BOAT. The other guys didn't, they sat there. Scared, comfortable, safe...Peter walked on water. (This next bullet points is taken from my John Ortberg study I did nearly 4 years ago)
The Pluses of Water-Walking
- It is the only way to real growth
- It is the way true faith develops
- It is the alternative to boredom and stagnation
- It is part of discovering and obeying our calling
- The water is where Jesus is!
In another chapter it talks about the high price of saying yes. That everyone in Scripture who said yes to their calling had to pay a high price.
Maybe it won't involve the recognition or wealth or influence you had always hoped for.
Sometimes it will mean long hours and effort.
Sometimes it can mean devoting yourself to a dream and not having it turn out the way you had wanted, causing crushing disappointment and discouragement.
Somewhere along the line people will oppose you, disapprove of you or block what you are trying to do.
It was storming that night when the disciple's were in the boat, Peter took his eyes off Jesus because of it. Storms have a way of teaching us what nothing else can.
I have been having dreams of storms. Most recently, one involving my family. We are in an SUV, driving, when I look behind us and see dark clouds, pouring rain. It looks as if we are coming to miss the storm. We are ahead of it. We go under a bridge, when I look again I see a very large, very black tornado. It is spinning wildly, I can't tell which way it is going. It looks to be standing still, spinning in one spot. Go go go! In think. I'm not driving, Rob is. Both children are in the back, buckled in. It is moving away from us. Relief. Then it changes and suddenly it is chasing us down. I can feel the tires lifting off from the ground, we are floating up up up.
I shot up in bed, heaving for breath. I may have been screaming, I was in my dream. Rob is not there to comfort me, he is gone to work already.
I have experienced storms in my recent out ward life. When my sister in law was in town.
I failed to keep my eye on Jesus. When it matters most. I cling to what I can see, feel grab hold off. A pillow, a phone, a blog, my husband, my ipod...
I am young in my walk with Christ, I'm still learning how to pray. I know table prayers and bedtime prayers and prayers of asking for help or praise when things happen. But I'm still learning how to talk daily with him. I once heard someone say it's like Jesus is waiting in your living room for you to sit down and talk to him. He'll wait and wait and wait, but all he wants is to have that conversation with you. It kinda weirded me out: Jesus is sitting in my living room? Right NOW? But I didn't vacuum or dust. I haven't made the coffee yet. I need to shower and brush my teeth. You get the idea. He can't be sitting in MY living room, there are other people far more put together, far more in need...I'm just me. J.u.s.t. me.
So, this means I've got a lot of walking ahead of me. Looks like I'll be on the water for a good long time, or at least in the boat. Any body got an extra life preserver I have a fear of drowning. (That is very true btw)
I now have asked you two very deep things:
About your dreams and now about your boat. (What fears keep you in the boat and out of the water?)I haven't been in a study in two years. Two long, dry years. I am going back to a bible study group starting Tuesday. I can't wait. I can't wait to see what study we choose together, I can't wait to see my lady friends again, but most of all I can't wait to get back into God's word.