Friday, March 25, 2011

Keeping the leaves Green.

The title of this post might have you thinking it's gonna be about spring.
This is where I tell you we just got hammered with more snow.
It many people I know crazy. Including my husband.
The title refers to a verse I post at the end.

What a difference a day makes.
My last posting I had said how I didn't have any news.
Yesterday it felt like all hell broke loose in one day.
I posted on facebook that morning.
"It's a new day. Bring it."
That was dumb, because it opened up a whole kind of nasty.
Attacks from the enemy.
Awful stuff.
I'm not sure how much I've ever talked about the "bullying" I endured from my sister and her friends.
It's not something I like to dwell on.
As my mother so "kindly" pointed out yesterday "...have a hard time letting things go..."
In some cases this is true: I have grown into forgiving, but I do not forget, especially when it comes to abuse and not allowing it to continue.
I found out that my sister is dating a guy she had dated back in high school. A guy that torture and abused me.
Without getting into details, I was brought right back to that place of being 12 and helpless, alone, nobody standing up for me...
It's not that I haven't let it go, it's just that I hadn't expected to be back in a place where I was confronted with it again.
I don't think that is called "not letting it go."
She also commented about the game "telephone" where one person tells a story to another and another and pretty soon the story is nothing like it started out being.

Was she saying that this was like a game of telephone? That I was changing things about what happened to what? Make this person look bad?
Why would someone (me) make up that kind of pain?

That just doesn't happen. NOBODY imagines being abused. NOBODY imagines those things, works hard at putting those things be hide her and forgives for them happening and goes on to build a trusting marriage. 
That certainly doesn't mean she wants to see her abuser again or have them forced into her life again.
Moving on. (I am guarding my tongue.)

We got an offer on the house.
It was incredibly ridiculous, almost to the point of "stealing"; it was so low.
To add insult to injury, they added a whole page of stipulations and demands, like getting the house at the asking price wasn't ENOUGH of a deal.
I know it was the enemy working.
We rejected the offer, didn't even consider counter-offering.

We found out there is more interest and many showings coming up this weekend. God is looking out for us. He has worked it so that these people that made the "offer" have a showing at the same time as another couple who are coming back for a second showing.
I love me some of THOSE apples ;)

Rob and I looked at a home in a city close by. It would be a change in school district for our kids. They are still young enough for this to be okay. But what is nagging me is it's further away from our church.
It also is on the high side of what we could afford.
I keep thinking, and maybe I'm wrong here, but I keep thinking God is going to let me know when it's the one. But what if I'm not listening? what if I'm being stubborn and miss it? What if I want it this way and am not considering it His way?  I so do not want to be difficult and stubborn in this, and yet my personality, what got me through those tough years is also a hard nosed toughie who will stand firm on her beliefs. The difference between then and now is I know Christ I have placed my faith in him.
Sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting, it's like poking a bear with a stick. The enemy loves that.
All I can do is pray; trust who he's been transforming me into.
His will.
His timing.

Yesterday a dear friend stopped over and saw the worst of me. I'm a wreck and she got an up close and personal viewing of that.
I am embarrassed. I should be able to hold it together better.

Man, was the enemy working hard yesterday.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by the long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit. ~Jeremiah 17:7-8

I going to dig my roots in and drink from the living well, keep these leaves GREEN.


  1. if your friend is a good friend, then seeing you up close and personal won't matter. Good friends love us warts and all!!!

    Still praying for sorry about the situation with your sister.

  2. Sara~ Never be embarrassed......I was,am and will always be your friend! xoxo Tracy

  3. I've been thinking of you so much and praying! This is a hard season of life right now and of course you are emotional and overwhelmed! Hugs to you.


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