Tuesday, September 13, 2011

In the moment

I've been trying to stay in the moment; trying to enjoy right where the moment finds me.
All too often I find myself accelerating forward to the next thing, the next thing, the next thing.
Conversations with my kids get cut short because my mind has already left the moment.
A moment that I could have spent on them, gone.
I am taking steps to stop, enjoy this, because when it comes to conversation, you need to listen NOW, when they talk about horses, pretty outfits and Sasquatches with robot hands...
Because all too soon the things you want them to tell you aren't going to be important enough to "bother you with."
Tonight at the dinner table conversation went to marriage, it started with Nick saying "I like yogurt raisins, their goooood."
Nina follows it up with: "I hate them, they are gross."
It is an ongoing thing at our house, one likes something so naturally the other can't possibly like it.
So I said to Nina: "Nina you are going to end up marrying someone who loves peanut butter."
It is the one thing she really REALLY hates.
"No I won't."
Rob and I both answer her: "Yes, yes you will."
Nick pipes in: "Oh yeah! You're gonna, and he'll want peanut butter every.day."
I laugh, he's funny.
So I give him one: "And Nick you're gonna marry someone who likes pasta!"
Something he doesn't really enjoy eating, we usually have to play the "no dessert if you don't eat" card with him when we have pasta.
He stuns me with his response.
"Yeah. Then I will change."
I looked at him, his eyes bright.
"Nicholas," I say sweetly "I am so glad to hear you say that. You can not go through life without changing. You my son have the best attitude."
Nina pipes in across the table "HEY!"
When ever he gets praise she pipes in with a "Hey!" that means: what about me, am I chopped liver?

No, not by a long shot, but she is in the phase where she doesn't want to listen, she has all the answers and she isn't afraid to say so.

We were driving the other day, she likes to sit in the front. Traffic was awful, we were driving by the university campus and I said "Must be a football game."
She said "Or hockey."
I wasn't sure if she was serious or being argumentative.
"Neen, it's football season." I said gently.
"Or it could be hockey."
Okay, now it's on.
"Nina, there is no hockey games being played right now."
"There could be."
"Nina, hockey season hasn't started yet. It's football season."
Okay point made move on.
"I think it's hockey."
My blood is starting to boil, this child is going to be right.
Nick pipes up from the back seat, "Nina there is no hockey games."
Yep even the one with selective hearing heard me right.
"Nick! You don't know!" She yells at him.
I admit I lost my temper.
"You do not get to be mad at him for telling you what you refuse to hear."
I told her that there is baseball, there is football, there is tennis, but the reality is; hockey season has not started and NO there was not a huge traffic jam near the campus because of hockey, it was a football game. FOOTBALL. Football. NOT hockey.
She was quiet the rest of the ride home. She was mad at me; not because I yelled at her, but because she wanted to be right.
Once my temper cooled, I asked her: "Nina, why do you constantly agrue with me? You think you know every thing and honestly sweetheart you do not."
She gets angry with anyone who corrects her. She knows what she knows and nobody is going to tell her different.
Wow, that is was so much like me.
Looking ahead I can see where this path is going to lead her, I've been there. Totally sucks when your pile of "rights" turn to the wrong sh!t. STINKS, oh baby does it stink, but it does fertilize the heart so  something TRUTHFUL can take root and grow...
I am so thankful she has a Daddy that can gently guide her, where her Mama is prone to push and pull her.
I think girls test their mother's; they have to; to see what they are made of. They need to see where they are going. Mother's have to be strong, we nuture and love and teach all because someday we have to be strong enough to let them go. Our precious workmanship will now be tested. Mother's have to be strong for that.
Daddy's teach a girl how the world is going to view her, a Mother teaches her how she should see should view the world and how not to let that affect how she sees herself.

Again I say I am so thankful that my daughter has a Daddy that is kind and totally in love with her, very unlike the dad I grew up with.

Nick was a lively bugger tonight adding that he's going to be just like his Daddy!
"I'm gonna drink beer, hang out with my friends and eat hot sauce!"
Rob: "You are not drinking beer until you are 21."
Nick:" You weren't 21 when you started drinking beer."
Rob: "The law was 19 back then Nick. It's 21 now."
Nick: "Well I'm gonna change the law then, cause God is great, beer is good and people are crazy."
We busted out laughing.
Nick: "What?!? Billy Carrington is a smart guy!"

Now had I not been in the moment I would have missed that nugget.

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