Last year at this time I was so filled with worry, that I barely had time to enjoy the last days of school.
Last year at this time I was rubbing my knees raw in prayer for this family.
Last year at this time I was praying unemployment wouldn't last long for my husband.
Last year at this time I was coming to terms with loosing our house, both being angry at the bank for not working with us to stay and hopeful they would except the offer we received to short sell before the sheriff auction. Thinking about this brings back feelings of disgust, humility, hope...FAITH.
God had to have a plan for us.
Last year at this time we were in the storm of our lives, and I can barely remember the kids school year ending...
I was wrapped up in keeping it together, when every fiber of my being wanted to kick and scream and be mad at God.
It was a daily struggle for me. I didn't feel like I could breathe for months. June was especially bad, this time last year.
We have all grown. Things have changed, bitterness has turned to joy.
The kids miss the house; it was the only one they knew. The dog misses the house, and her yard to protect! The cat misses the freedom of her quiet street. Rob and I don't miss it at all. For us it was always a temporary home, a place "for now" until we could build our forever home. When I used to think of that house I saw the things I wanted to change, the things I hated and wanted updated.
When I reflect back on the house now, I still feel those things, but I see it as the place we built our family. Slowly the memories are coming back to me. The peony bushes I re-planted when we moved in. The decorating of the kids rooms. The beautiful paint color we painted just before moving in. Redoing the kitchen floor just Rob and I. The new front door and windows we had installed to protect us from the cold winters. Cutting the grass on our riding lawn mover. Trick or Treating in our neighborhood and all the little old people so excited to see the kids that they would just dump the candy in the buckets, not caring that we would be saying "Just one! Just one!"
Riding our bikes on the path, the weather sirens testing every month and the dog singing along!
The cursing of weeds in the spring/summer and leaves in the fall! The way my cabinets were and where everything was stashed in them. The stormy nights we cuddled up downstairs in our basement together. The Christmas', oh the Chirstmas' we shared in that house. How there was no fireplace, so the stockings were hung on the stair railings instead. The joy I felt when anything was replaced: a light fixture, a ceiling fan, a new towel bar! The work that went into taking that wallpaper down! Oh, how I hated the wallpaper!
I huge garage(s). We had 2 two-car garages, one behind the other. You have no idea how grand this was!!!!!
We now have a "basic" 2 car garage and only 1 car! Yet there never seems to be enough room...gee, I wonder why that is? wink wink
I can see the growth in my kids. We did everything we could to shield them from the drama and concern we had at the time. We spoke only in whispers in the dark of night. We told them things only when it was time to tell them. Both were nervous about switching schools, and sad. The pool at the new place helped cope!
We prayed for our kids to transition smoothly, and they did. They made friends and had the best teachers. Butter needed a bit more help with her reading, she doesn't like it, and these teachers were ON IT! She loves them, and for them she worked really hard, she still doesn't like to read, but she knows she has to work at it. I am so proud of both of them, they still don't know how desperate we were at this time last year. I am grateful that my God was there for me, I can't imagine not having hope, not knowing His promises.
I am so ready to say goodbye to last year and move on.
Today I am cherishing how far we've come and peacefully waiting for His instructions for our future.