Today has been an extremely hard day. Our landlord is playing more games with us and it seems we have no choice but to play along. I feel a bit like Katniss; in Catching Fire, not Hunger Games, where she has already gone through hell, and came out but not without scars. Where she is told she has to go into Hell again.
I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but these last few years, especially the last 6 months have been a living nightmare. I struggle at holding back depression, while listening to people who mean well say things like: "You have each other." " You have your health." Or "This too shall pass."
I don't want to sound ungrateful, I appreciate that people care about us, but words can be so empty when answers aren't part of the conversation. And Frankly, the only one with answers is God, and right now in this moment, today he has been silent and instead I got an earful of the Devil instead.
Last night we had school conferences and it was so good to hear that the kids are stepping up and embracing the new challenges asked of them in thier respective new grades.
I think about how I am doing myself with the new challenges thrown at me. I am not to proud to admit I am failing miserably. I want to kick and scream and rage like a toddler. I want to throw my hands up to God and go all Old Testament with war and curses and famine on those who are doing this to our sweet family.
But what keeps coming up is the question: "HOW do I forgive this? Surly you can not let them get away with this injustice and continue to let people like them prosper?"
Just words, that needed a place to rest instead of being in my head.