I was looking at my Christmas tree with loathing: Worst part ever of Christmas, taking down the tree.
I am such a freak about where the ornaments go and how they should be put away, how to take of the lights and wrap and store the tree that I could never ask anyone to do that job other then myself.
Hubby graciously offered to help on Sunday (while the game was on) Unfortunately, that didn't fly with me. It was nagging at me before then. I needed to do it when I felt like doing it.
Now that everything is put away and the kids are back at school and the Husband is back at work and the sounds of the washer and dryer fill the air while I type this, it is dawning on me that it is a new year.
What are my goals? What are my dreams for this year? How will this year be different from 2010? How will they be the same?
What have I learned this past year? What will I hold on to, and what will I let go of?
I think the letting go is huge.
I've taken a lot of things personally, but it sure felt like not as much last year.
I am learning to look at the other side; when someone says something to me; where is it coming from?
9 times out of 10 it isn't about ME, it's something else.
And yet my response was "Oh my gosh! Did they just ... I feel so hurt!"
These days if I can't make sense of it I talk about it with people I trust to give me the truth, I lay it down and leave it until I have some resolution and then I release it.
This last year has made me question a lot of things having to do with my family. This last year has given me some healing in a very old wound. This past year has brought new wounds. But the difference in my response to them is tremendous.
I no longer look to heal it, I look to treat it, to keep it clean, to keep out infection.
I've learned that wounds sometimes never heal and the only place where they won't hurt anymore is Heaven, so the best I can do is keep the infection away.
I am taking my body more serious. There are things I simply can not change about getting older. ( Now I know some of you are slightly older then me and are probably thinking "What is that 36 year old complaining about!")
I absolutely hate these things my Doctor calls "skin tags". He tell me I can "go ahead and remove them myself, and they are benign". Ahh, I nearly jump through the roof when he touches my nether parts and he thinks I can handle taking a razor to my own skin?!? Next time I may suggest he needs his meds changed because he might be going a little crazy ;)
I hate that my skin is sagging in places that are SO unattractive. What is with that truffle shuffle under your arm when you wave? Seriously, yuck.
I guess I can live with my butt looking like a really bad golfer shot a bucket of balls of the back nine and forgot to replace the divots! But it is gross to see flaps of skin, when pinched, stay put, like they have super glue on them and need to be literally massaged back into place.
I do have a neck, but think they need to invent Spanx for it.
So by taking my body more serious, I mean spending time at the gym, not comparing myself to 20 year-olds and wishing I had my 20-something body back, because I don't want the brain that went with it.
I am trying to become more aware of what I'm eating and WHY I'm eating it.
That is as close to a resolution as I get.
So here's to the start of 2011! *Sigh*
Here we go!