It gets to be frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished, not by God, but society; for being a stay at home mom.
We try our best to live on one income, but things beyond our control happen that stretch this budget past our limits.
Gas. Have you been to the pump?
Technically I haven't been in quite some time, Hubby does all the gas pumping, it's a love language between us :)
But I have driven by a gas station and nearly wet my pants in fear.
Seriously, do they think we can afford $50 fill ups 3x a week?
Did you know my husband supplements our income by doing a paper route?
Did you know that our Subaru gave it's life doing the route for 3 years?
That ended today, well in four weeks from today, because they require a 4 week notice.
I told Rob to tell his "boss" that if he'd like to pay for our gas
Since I am the "aggressive" one I may have to make that call.
After much praying, it has to be done. We looked back at the repair costs and gas costs which are only going up and decided there wasn't much supplementing going on.
What is scary is we could count on something every Friday, now it's back to every two weeks.
Right after we decided to let it go we got a doozy of bad news.
We have been battling it out with our mortgage company for a little over 3 years.
Uh huh, I said a little over 3 years.
It's no wonder I'm on blood pressure meds.
Today they told us they were done. Apparently they'd rather have another foreclosed house on their hands. We were then informed that the house sold January 10th, the day they received our payment, which they kindly sent back to our bank.
I remember that day, the bank called and said "What would you like us to do with $$$$.$$?"
I responded "What is that from?"
"You're mortgage company sent it back."
They call on the 5th day of every month to "remind" us of our payment being due.
Yep. We know. We can't pay it until Friday...
So they stopped taking our calls and now sending our money back.
Rob is diligently working through every course of action, I am making list of what to sell, what to take and what to leave here when the sheriff shows up with an eviction notice. They can pay for the dumpster. :)
If this sounds to you like I'm handling it well, you'd be wrong. All you have to do is look into my eyes and see the overwhelming pain of FAILING.
I know that many are in this exact situation, but we still failed.
This house was never our dream home, it wasn't more then we could handle; it was a house to grow a family.
The economy changed and we were hit hard. Pay cut after pay cut took it's toll. Owing more on a house than we could sell it for.
It wasn't merely "stop eating out." or "tighten the boot straps." it was the cost of living going up verses the take home pay of a one income family.
We lost. We failed.
I do not look forward to renting a place that will be smaller, I do not look forward to digging out from this credit wise.
Instead, I look up. I believe that this happened because our grip was so tight on the controls that God needed to take them back, and sometimes He has no other choice but to pry it away from us.
Did He do this? No. We did.
He requires obedience and we have consequences if we don't follow.
Whether we like it or not, we will obey the Lord our God to whom we send you with our plea. For if we obey him, everything will turn out well for us.~ Jeremiah 42:6
Could I tell you where it all happened, maybe, but I could be wrong in my guess. For all I know it was a heart issue instead of a human error.
The truth is God doesn't ask you to follow your "feelings"; He requires we follow Him.
So now we wait for the next step.
Now that this door is closing, which will open next?
Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.~James 1:2-3
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us-they help us learn to endure.~Romans 5:3