Saturday, March 19, 2011

Holding it together.

Navigating through this glop challenges me
We get a lead on a house and our calls go unanswered, or we finally see the place and let's just say a magician took the pictures. Or we booked for a showing with three other couples and feel like it's cattle call for renters.
Or, and this is the worst, we find out that the rental in question is a scam.
I've had a couple of these already, and thankfully God gives me a gut check every time one of these things comes up.
Friends who have talked to me say "You seem to be handling this well."
What other choice do I have? I have kids that are counting on me. They don't understand this.
I am afraid that we may be breaking a promise made to them to "try and stay in the school district." But the problem with that is, then which ever district we DO move into it will be the one the kids are in for the rest of their schooling. We do not want to change after this move.
As the days go on I am surprised but how one person can be so ill equipped at giving encouragement and then someone else can be unbelievably generous and only a friend of the family.
It's crazy.
I've seen the absolute best of some people and the absolute "truth" of others. Which makes me sad, not for me but for them. I think: "You are wasting this opportunity. You are choosing self over salvation."
Do I blindly think God will make this all work out and I have nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and wait?
Absolutely not!
I am doing my best to follow promptings, keep my eyes focused on Him and continue on like the storm isn't raging outside.
I cried last night, prayed and when my husband came in and sat next to me. He asked if I was okay.
I said "I held it together long enough for today."
He said "For today? You've been holding it together since the beginning of this."
Yesterday was one of the more difficult days. We had a few showings and we both had hopes for them.
Both turned out to be a bust.
It is frustrating to then go home and face your children. When they ask you "Did you find a new house?"
All I can do is sigh and say "Not this time."
When inside I'm screaming "Lord, PLEASE. I can not do this! I could handle this if I just knew we had a place to go. A place we can afford, that will be perfect for this family!"
Instead I smile, biting my lip so the tears don't fall and say "Not this time. We'll find something."
Tomorrow we are having dinner with my family, it will defiantly be a test for me. They are extremely judgmental and critical. I am trying to strengthen my armor, because I am sure that the enemy is sharpening his spears for tomorrow.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.~Psalm 91:1-4

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