Stir Crazy

I am literally going stir crazy.
There has been no work done on the car.
None.
Rob is out of ideas.
We've looked online, and oh.my.word. a car  4+yr old car with over 100,000 miles is about $7,000.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen in my realm.
To add to my stress I have now been home with my son for a four days. They were off school Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday I noticed his eye was red and gross.
Hubby took him in this morning and we have pink eye.
Okay Roo has pink eye.
Do you know how many times a day I tell this kid to get his hands OFF and/or OUT of  his face?
How many times I tell this kid wash your hands?
So it's only a matter of time before the whole house gets infected. I am seriously ready to duck tape oven mitts to the kids hands!
Is that child abuse?
Could somebody please check into that and get back to me ASAP?
It's not like I'll lock him in the dog crate...
Did you see that on Oprah yesterday?
WOW.
And ONE FREAKIN' YEAR?!?!?!?
HMPF. I'm gonna trust that God's got some wee little crates with those two's names on it.
It's funny, we had a crate for the dog, everybody told us crate the dog. I never crated to the dog, but Roo on the other hand, every time I'd turn my back he'd be in there!
I am pretty sure that for year 2 and 3 the most repeated phrase was: "Get out of the crate! It's not a toy!"
We eventually put it in the garage. Guess what? He found it and continued to play in it.
It freaked me out.
To think that someone thought to lock up there child in one. That horrifies me.
The crate is now in the rafters.
And the second part of her show...
What would YOU do?
I would like to think I'd have the courage to let my child be the best them. Where is God in this?
Were these people REALLY born in the wrong body?
Why would God make them that way?
What good comes from a person born one gender and then looks at themselves as the other gender?
I did end up watching the Lisa Ling special on OWN. It was very interesting. In a train wreck sort of way. I was left thinking where is God in this?
Clearly that little girl/boy thought she was a she, and clearly "her" parents struggled with loosing the son who saw himself a girl.
I can remember a time when I had NO idea what gay was.
No not a day goes by when tolerance is requested, rights demanded.
It brings to mind slaves.
People thought owning slaves was fine.
There was a war over freeing them. Their right for freedom.
Civil rights.
Now Civil gay rights.
The world evolves and changes it's view.
Why?
We are taught God NEVER changes.
If God never changes and these sins are still sins...
Why do we live our lives in acceptance of things we know are "Wrong".
Are they wrong?
If your child had a friend and you found out that friend was born a different gender, would you still let your child be friends with that child?
How bout this: Your child's friend is a bully, do you let them continue to be friends? Because a sin is a sin. No sin is above or below another sin.
Murder=sin
lust=sin
lying=sin
You see where I'm going...
I doubt I will get any answers, not here anyway. I am a thinker. I question, not to be rebellious, but to gain knowledge. I find comfort in knowledge. I am trying to learn who God is.
and some times I feel like the bible paints Him to black and white. There is SO much gray.
I used to think it was humans that painted the gray, so they could get away with stuff, but then there are just somethings that can't be only black and only white. Can they?
I welcome any and all comments.

These are the posts you get when Sara is left home for days on end with out a car and nothing to do but think! HA!

Gettin' scared.

I have not been sleeping well, the trip is coming and the fears are creeping in.
I'm not afraid to fly, or anything like that. My fear lies in the what if something happens to us.
I mean a lot could happen.
For instance I could forget to put on sunscreen and get burned like a lobster and then not be able to enjoy touching the whole trip.
OR My gut could act up and the amount of pepto I brought clearly wasn't enough and yet I went to the limits of the travel restrictions/allowances.
OR Our flight could get delayed and we could have to sit in the plane for hours in this heat.
So I know that "stuff" can and usually does happen.
It's the "What will happen to my kids and animals if something bad were to happen to us?" that keeps me up at night. I know that the they will be taken care of. But I worry about them. The immediate and long term effects it would have on them.
I have always been there for them. I've promised to be there for them. (Haven't we all as parents made that promise?)
I know that whatever will be...will be. God has a plan.
My daughter is a tough cookie. She has never known heartache. All her needs have been met before she has even realized she had a need. Life lesson's have been short and sweet thus far. And yet she knows everything in her 7 1/2 years here. I mean everything... {she says rolling her eyes}
Butter's common phrase: "AH, COME ON!"
example:
"Ah come on! I wanted cereal not pancakes for breakfast."
"Butter, it's gonna be hot again, you might want to wear a tank top and shorts instead of that."
"Ah COME ON! I just put this on, I don't want to have to change." (She's already down the stairs halfway to her room before she even finishes the sentence but our house is small I still hear her)
"Have you emptied the dishwasher yet?"
"Ah COME ON! Haven't you looked! I DID it already! Sheesh!"

She's got a "come back" for e.v.e.r.ything. How would this tough cookie "come back" back from loosing the reason she can be so tough? We're THERE. WE're her soft place to land.

If you don't have a dog or animal you can skip this part.
I worry about my dog. She is my fur baby, and not many people, my husband included understand her or could love such an obnoxious thing. She really is obnoxious. She's barky, she'll nip, she begs under the table. She sleeps on our bed, on hubby's pillow...
She turned 5 this summer and just adding up the years I have left makes me tear up. Roo asks all the time: "Mom, you gonna get a new fur baby when Piper dies?"
Rob pipes in: "She's got like 15 more years Roo!"
Roo looks at me, I smile and say "Maybe." And then I choke back the thought of not having Pipe.
Then there is CAT. She has been with me now for 11 years. Oh, she makes me happy. (and , truth be told, M.A.D.) I've moved her 4 times. Each time she's handled it like a champ. I've brought two babies home. Two other cats and four dogs in the time I've had her. Through it all she's stayed loyal and loving.
I can forgive bunnies, mice on the other hand! Point is there is a fierce love I have for these 2 animals and it breaks my heart to think about them not knowing what happened to their Mama.

Pet part over.
You can probably gather I don't travel much. First of all I can't pack right! I think of every situation I MAY have and pack for it. I have been known to pack MY OWN towels, sheets and toilet paper! If it didn't cost me an extra $50 to check my ginormous suitcase I would do it! I don't can't camp. There is no electricity, running water...bugs everywhere and OFF is not a good scent for me.
I try to think that it's a modern world and that if I did happen to forget OR need something there are Targets/Walgreen's/drug stores out there. But I like being prepared. Thoroughly prepared.
Like when I show up in heaven I'll have my list and God will have his and we'll compare notes! And then I'll run done all the questions I had for him on earth. 
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of what will be left UNdone. What will be left BEHIND while I'm up there dancing on my pearly floors and signing like I'm the next "Angel Idol".  Do we get to watch over and protect our loved ones we leave behind? Are we able to "be there" for them?
That is one of the reason's I do this blog. So my kids have the chance to know me. That is why I painstakingly started journaling the things I wanted my kids to know. Advice, encouragements, wisdom to pass.
I haven't had a lot of loss in my life. Wait, How do I put this better; I haven't felt deep enough love, until now to know what loss would be. Death. My parents are still alive. We aren't close and I've already "lost" my dad and sister. They chose not to be found and I don't go looking...

I have never been able to sit back and RELAX. My mind wonders...to mostly unpleasant things.
WHAT GENE IS THAT? Because I'd surely like to have that one modified!
Anyway, Just wanted you to know I'm scared, prayers are welcome and APPRECIATED!