I know it has been awhile since I've put my thoughts on display, Facebook and Twitter do not count as they are but moments...
True thoughts require sorting, lingering to remember, holding captive until certain that they can be put into a collective sequence.
Summer can be many unpleasant things for me; first, I suffer from allergies that make me a sneezing, stuffed up mess. Second, heat is not my friend. I hate that the act of walking outside to enjoy the sunshine can make my skin break out into a dripping sweat. Third, when too much time is spent doing the same thing bickering begins or rooms become death traps with toys on every possible open space on the floor.
then there are the moments that I want to wrap up in a box and hold onto them forever.
The Boy, is 7 and he is whip smart and curious about just about everything. Today as I came down the stairs he was rattling of things that he had learned from watching, of all things The Today Show.
"Mom, did you know that you can put vegetables in a glass with dip and serve them to guests this way?"
It took me a minute to understand what he was saying, because normally he is telling me the next great adventure of his lego guys...
I realized this kid was giving me hosting ideas...because he thought it was neat an wanted to sure the information with me. (Yes, I do plan to use this on him in the near future...veggies in a glass with dip)
He once asked me if I still make milk for our family...Which led to a conversation about body changes and from there, when did Italians make the first pizza.
He asks whatever question pops into his head and I better have the answer or get the answer because if he goes looking, he is likely to come back with 20 more questions and none of which you might think a 7 year old should know the answer to.
He is alert to what is going on in the news and actively seeks out what stories they are talking about.
With what has happened in Colorado, there have been many questions. He sees the pictures of the "bad guy" and doesn't understand why he doesn't look like a "bad guy".
He declared today "Pajama day" since it is suppose to rain all day. He is right now happily playing upstairs with his sister.
The Girl is sassy, introspective and needs approval.
I have been learning the differences in my two children, how they see things, what they need to hear from me as their mother, the boundaries they crave and the way in which they process things. The Girl is quiet as a mouse, asking only things that she didn't hear answered in the explanation or things she herself can't figure out the answer for. The Boy asks rapid fire questions, sometimes not even waiting for an answer before switching gears and asking about another topic. They both crave knowledge but go about getting it differently.
The Boy has always been vocal about what he wants, he is also tenacious. The Girl will watch, observe, quietly take in her surroundings and wait until later to process through them.
The Boy likes to be alone or have one person to himself. The Girl is happiest amongst a crowd of like minded friends.
I have been a mother for nearly 10 years now, and I am still astounded by these two beings that i have been given charge over. That responsibility weighs on me every.single.day.
What do I show them, what example am I setting, what words am I speaking, what words do they hear me speaking when I think I'm in private?
I know I make mistakes, heck I know I make a lot of mistakes, but I also know I'm not afraid to admit them, I'm not afraid to say to my child "I screwed up, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
I'm not "adult" enough to ignore my child's plea for forgiveness. I can remember being a child and feeling so shamed for something and when I went to apologize, I was given the cold shoulder. I didn't know what that was as a child, but as a mother I see it as pride. The child hurts the parents feelings or disappoints them to where their pride stands in the way of lovingly embracing forgiveness.
I've heard parents say "I would never want to be a kid nowadays." Think of the negative connotations that has for the young people? This is their time, this is where they live, breath, learn, laugh, cry and yes fail sometimes. They didn't get the choice of what generation they were born into, this is it for them.
I do the best I can with the experiences I had to guide my children through it. I hope that my honesty with will get them through the rough stuff.
I am blessed that I get these summer months to recharge my children before going back to school. We spend a lot of time doing "nothing", sprinkled in are the trips to the pool, or zoo or soccer games or camping trips or having ice cream for dinner because it is too hot to even eat something hot!
I won't sugar coat the fact that my days are rarely fun and spent doing things I love doing. No, my days are spent listening to the Girl tell me about her little pet shops and all 53 of their names or What she is currently playing with her American Girl Dolls or what Ken and Barbie are doing. The Boy, as I said, is either nonstop talking about lego guys or hockey or Skylanders or he is asking 20 questions about something I am having a hard time understanding why a 7 year kid wants to know about. It takes patience to listen, really listen to the under currents of their daily lives. I can hear the fears, the loves, the joys when I listen carefully. Sometimes we parents just want quiet, just want a moments piece to be alone in our thoughts, to have our bodies to ourselves!
I want to remember these summer months, the conversations sparked by questions from a whip smart boy or a sassy girl trying her best to know all the answers and be grown up in a world that tries to define who and what she is.
I want to remember when she caught me dressing and asked when she could get a bra, and when I found the smallest of small ones and brought them home to her, the way her face lit up and how she cherished being "grown up" that lasted only until she put it on and realized, they are not comfortable to wear! How she handed them back to me saying "I don't like these, maybe I don't need them right now."
No, you are still a girl, I will protect you as long as I can from the big bad world, in this case in the form of a bra, until you feel ready to concur that hurdle.
I want to remember how my son curls up on my lap and asks me endless questions and gives his opinions and thoughts, while he begs wordlessly for me to tickle his back.
I want to remember the sweet stink of their summer sweat after they come in for dinner, having road their bikes or played tag or just made up an adventure.
These are the days of summer loving, of loving the everyday things that someday will be just a memory.