Summer Loving

I know it has been awhile since I've put my thoughts on display, Facebook and Twitter do not count as they are but moments...
True thoughts require sorting, lingering to remember, holding captive until certain that they can be put into a collective sequence.
Summer can be many unpleasant things for me; first, I suffer from allergies that make me a sneezing, stuffed up mess. Second, heat is not my friend. I hate that the act of walking outside to enjoy the sunshine can make my skin break out into a dripping sweat. Third, when too much time is spent doing the same thing bickering begins or rooms become death traps with toys on every possible open space on the floor.
then there are the moments that I want to wrap up in a box and hold onto them forever.
The Boy, is 7 and he is whip smart and curious about just about everything. Today as I came down the stairs he was rattling of things that he had learned from watching, of all things The Today Show.
"Mom, did you know that you can put vegetables in a glass with dip and serve them to guests this way?"
It took me a minute to understand what he was saying, because normally he is telling me the next great adventure of his lego guys...
I realized this kid was giving me hosting ideas...because he thought it was neat an wanted to sure the information with me. (Yes, I do plan to use this on him in the near future...veggies in a glass with dip)
He once asked me if I still make milk for our family...Which led to a conversation about body changes and from there, when did Italians make the first pizza.
He asks whatever question pops into his head and I better have the answer or get the answer because if he goes looking, he is likely to come back with 20 more questions and none of which you might think a 7 year old should know the answer to.
He is alert to what is going on in the news and actively seeks out what stories they are talking about.
With what has happened in Colorado, there have been many questions. He sees the pictures of the "bad guy" and doesn't understand why he doesn't look like a "bad guy".
He declared today "Pajama day" since it is suppose to rain all day. He is right now happily playing upstairs with his sister.
The Girl is sassy, introspective and needs approval.
I have been learning the differences in my two children, how they see things, what they need to hear from me as their mother, the boundaries they crave and the way in which they process things. The Girl is quiet as a mouse, asking only things that she didn't hear answered in the explanation or things she herself can't figure out the answer for. The Boy asks rapid fire questions, sometimes not even waiting for an answer before switching gears and asking about another topic. They both crave knowledge but go about getting it differently.
The Boy has always been vocal about what he wants, he is also tenacious. The Girl will watch, observe, quietly take in her surroundings and wait until later to process through them.
The Boy likes to be alone or have one person to himself. The Girl is happiest amongst a crowd of like minded friends.
I have been a mother for nearly 10 years now, and I am still astounded by these two beings that i have been given charge over. That responsibility weighs on me every.single.day.
What do I show them, what example am I setting, what words am I speaking, what words do they hear me speaking when I think I'm in private?
I know I make mistakes, heck I know I make a lot of mistakes, but I also know I'm not afraid to admit them, I'm not afraid to say to my child "I screwed up, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
I'm not "adult" enough to ignore my child's plea for forgiveness. I can remember being a child and feeling so shamed for something and when I went to apologize, I was given the cold shoulder. I didn't know what that was as a child, but as a mother I see it as pride. The child hurts the parents feelings or disappoints them to where their pride stands in the way of lovingly embracing forgiveness.
I've heard parents say "I would never want to be a kid nowadays." Think of the negative connotations that has for the young people? This is their time, this is where they live, breath, learn, laugh, cry and yes fail sometimes. They didn't get the choice of what generation they were born into, this is it for them.
I do the best I can with the experiences I had to guide my children through it. I hope that my honesty with will get them through the rough stuff.
I am blessed that I get these summer months to recharge my children before going back to school. We spend a lot of time doing "nothing", sprinkled in are the trips to the pool, or zoo or soccer games or camping trips or having ice cream for dinner because it is too hot to even eat something hot!
I won't sugar coat the fact that my days are rarely fun and spent doing things I love doing. No, my days are spent listening to the Girl tell me about her little pet shops and all 53 of their names or What she is currently playing with her American Girl Dolls or what Ken and Barbie are doing. The Boy, as I said, is either nonstop talking about lego guys or hockey or Skylanders or he is asking 20 questions about something I am having a hard time understanding why a 7 year kid wants to know about. It takes patience to listen, really listen to the under currents of their daily lives. I can hear the fears, the loves, the joys when I listen carefully. Sometimes we parents just want quiet, just want a moments piece to be alone in our thoughts, to have our bodies to ourselves!
I want to remember these summer months, the conversations sparked by questions from a whip smart boy or a sassy girl trying her best to know all the answers and be grown up in a world that tries to define who and what she is.
I want to remember when she caught me dressing and asked when she could get a bra, and when I found the smallest of small ones and brought them home to her, the way her face lit up and how she cherished being "grown up" that lasted only until she put it on and realized, they are not comfortable to wear! How she handed them back to me saying "I don't like these, maybe I don't need them right now."
No, you are still a girl, I will protect you as long as I can from the big bad world, in this case in the form of a bra, until you feel ready to concur that hurdle.
I want to remember how my son curls up on my lap and asks me endless questions and gives his opinions and thoughts, while he begs wordlessly for me to tickle his back.
I want to remember the sweet stink of their summer sweat after they come in for dinner, having road their bikes or played tag or just made up an adventure.
These are the days of summer loving, of loving the everyday things that someday will be just a memory.

Weekend update.

Our weekend started off with a bang and it was like a marathon...
Thursday was the last day of school for the kiddos. Roo was a bit sad, he is going to miss all of his friends. He isn't one to do play dates, oh, he asks for them...but after about 10 minutes the bickering begins over what to do and it ends in 2 boys playing separately. One often bored.
Butter was asked if she could have a celebratory sleep-over. She knew she needed to get her room clean before I would allow this to happen, I convinced her friend to give her grief about getting it done!
After soccer practise, we went over to some friends house so the kids could play at the lake and drop Butter off for the sleep-over. We didn't end up going home until close to 10PM.
Friday Rob has off of work, so we got some things done before spending the day with another family of friends. We spent the day keeping cool at the pool, went out for dinner before we all headed off to the car show, again which we stayed out until 10pm. (Butter, it turns out was up until 3AM at her sleep-over)
Saturday was again spent at the pool to beat the heat. I wasn't feeling well but was talked into going out to dinner with some sweet girlfriends! It is always so good to see them and catch up. Although this time for me was a bit overwhelming condensing the past year into one conversation. I spent most of my Sunday in quiet reflection.
Rob took the kids over to the pool again. With no set bedtime Roo wanted to stay up and watch TV with Rob and I. We had a few Top Gear shows to get through. I glanced over to see him sound asleep at 9:45PM. When Rob went to pick him up he woke up and had no idea where he was and who was holding him! He started thrashing around yelling "Put me DOWN! PUT me down!!!" Try as we might he wouldn't believe us when we told him we were taking him to bed!
He woke up this morning not remembering a single thing and even getting angry with me when I was telling him what happened.
Sheesh, I hope that kid never sleep walks!
Today we had a lazy morning and it felt so good. We rode bikes to the park, where Roo saw his "girlfriend" from school. It was so funny to watch him show off and yet not talk to the little girl and she was very aware that he was there but acted like she could care less. Butter took the opportunity to tease him until I'd had enough and said it was time to go.
So far we've marked off 6 things on our summer list. We had started with 9 total!
As Roo says, "But Mom we can do them more then once!"

Weekend Warriors

We had a very busying weekend That started with a bang on Friday.

School is coming to an end for this year and Friday was Field Day.

The kids each participated in several events.

Roo did the baton relay and 3 legged race.

 Butter also ran the baton relay and did the water balloon toss, which they were out after the first toss, because she's afraid to catch things! :0)

When the boys weren't in an event this is what they were doing...always having their hands on each other. Noogies, hugs, high fives...7 year old boys are worse then girls when it comes to keeping their hands to themselves!

Here Butter is in her third event the hoops. She made 4 baskets, got hit in the face twice, when 5 grade boys chucked her the ball when see wasn't ready...never cried or flinched. So proud.

If it had happened at home there would have been wailing and gnashing of teeth...oh and huge crocodile tears.

Lastly it was the tug of war contest between classes.

Can you find Roo? (that is Rob in the hot pink shirt...oh lala)

Yep, that is little Roo in the back, last...he's gonna be the anchor!

And they lost. I think because Mrs. K got stuck with a bunch of shirmpys in her class. HA!

Butter's class won, Mrs. H hasn't lost yet...hmmmm.

The kids got to have an overnight with Nana & Papa. Rob and I took the opportunity to have a date.

We drove over to White Bear Lake and had dinner on the patio of Rudy's Redeye Grill.

The patio was gorgeous, and packed! We were told the wait was an hour and a half. No biggy, we'd wait. I found a bar stool and plopped us next to a small table that some young girls were at, their cups empty, their plates off to the side...any minute they'd be done. We waited and waited, until finally the waitress brought them the check, we asked ever so nicely if we could have their table. Why yes, we could. I gently stood, taking position to scooch into the closest girls seat, while Rob stood off to the side to let the girls pass, just then a lady came out of nowhere and tried to steal the table...She tried telling us that she'd been there longer then us...oh, no, Rob had just ordered a second beer when she and her friend walked in! Just then our buzzer went off for a table. (the bar tall tables were first come first serve) I kindly let them have the bar table. When we got to the hostess stand she tells us:

"There is a party of 5 sitting at a party of 8 table, they said you could join them if you'd like?"

I had to think about this for 2 seconds. No.

I told the girl I just gave up a bar table to now have to share? No. We would wait. I also pointed out that there was a table that a woman was sitting at alone and had been the entire time we were there which was now 40 minutes. She wasn't ordering...

We waited another 10 minutes and finally got a table. We were seated by the party of 5 at the table for 8...there was only 2 people at that table! We ordered drinks, and an appi. Brushetta, one of my favorites. I was completely disappointed. They used onions to "fill" the tomatoes. Making it look like there was a lot of tomatoes, but really half was onions; they also drizzled it with balsamic vinegar...the flavors were not good at all. We ordered Cajun Shrimp pasta. It was the blandest thing I've ever tasted and that is coming from a girl who doesn't like a lot of spice!

We were mid way through our meal when single ladies date showed up, and table of 5 finally got their other 3...

I enjoyed the time spent with Hubby, but this was a dud of a place and the food...was extremely underwhelming!

We went over to Cup and Cone for dessert. YUM!

Saturday I got to see my spiritual hero live: Joyce Meyers was in town and boy oh boy was it fantastic!!! She is so gifted and the teaching she gave was just what I needed to hear!

Before she taught, she came out and prayed over us. I was moved to tears.

I went with the mom of one of Nina's friends. The past few weeks we've gotten closer, It has been very nice. We met up with two other women and we are now discussing going to St. Louis in the fall for Joyce's woman's conference.

Rob had to work at Summit, which he volunteers at once a month to give tours at the brewery...he is paid in beer. He loves this! I am slowly becoming a fan our a few of their beers, although I really am not a beer drinker.

The kids went to an airshow with Nana & Papa so Rob and I headed to church. It was another brilliant message...which I needed after Friday night's patio debacle! ;0)

Sunday we volunteered to walk in the Grand ol' Day parade with Summit.

We held signs, while Rob passed out buttons. It was funny to hear the parents yell "Where are the samples!!!" When normally it's the kids yelling "Candy!!!!"

The route was 2 &1/2 miles, with some hills. It was grueling on my feet.

The sun was gorgeous, perfect temps, but my feet suck!

I hate bunions. I have had surgery on my right foot 12 years ago, and it has no better, if not worse in terms of walking around on...I'm not sure more surgery will help...genetics!

Nordy, our NHL hockey teams mascot. Roo was so funny, he would not get near him and did his thing; where he puts is hand up to his eye like he's trying to look at the sun...Nordy did get him to give nugs.

Butter on the other hand, well you can see for yourself!

I would have hugged him too, but Rob was ready to find the Summit group!

It was a wonderful morning of seeing old acquaintances. I was the party pooper and wanted to go home. My feet had had it.

It took us 40 minutes to get out of downtown. With the shuttles not running and road construction it was a nightmare! We had to stop off half way home for lunch.

I'll tell you what, this weekend we were all warriors!

Hope that you all had a wonderful weekend too!

Train.

I feel it coming. Roaring in the distance like a train. Warning me get out of the way, off the track, It's coming. Like it or not. It has a schedule to keep.
Every year in the middle of August: the school year approaches.
I have mixed emotions about it.
I tease the kids: "Party time for Mommy!"
But it feels more like scab picking.
There is this wound, under a thin layer of skin, that after the summer tan fades and peels away exposes it closer to the surface. It takes really nothing at all to pick the scab and start to bleed.
I will be alone.
Alone.
I prize those moments when the house is quiet, but when the bus comes; the house goes silent.
My son, my baby starts first grade.
First grade= all day school.
There will be no slow mornings snuggling on the couch together.
No lunch rush to make the afternoon bus.
There will only be the morning rush, a flutter of activity to wake, clothe, and feed children and organize backpacks in order to get to the bus stop on time.
Then I will close the door and be embraced by silence.
I've never done well in silence. There are too many thoughts that bluster their way into my head.
I get side tracked; Jesus is waiting, but suddenly in the brouhaha of thoughts he is forgotten.
I don't like admitting that.

I'm suppose to be this rock, this pillar of motherly, wifely, Godly strength, focus and service.

So why does the speeding "school" train bother me so much?

From as young as I can remember, I wanted to matter. I wanted to be needed. I wanted to feel like I was really part of something good. Irreplaceable.

The season of raising young kids is ending in my life and I am grieving it.
It is raw and painful, distracting and unnerving.
I know where I need to focus. Jesus.
I have plans for us to be good great friends this year.

But right now all I can hear is that stupid train coming.


The roar of the bus as the brakes are engaged. The clicking of the lights, changing from yellow to red.
That sound of the door opening, the sound of the feet climbing those steep steps, the sound of the voices lost as the door closes and locks it's contents in. The roar of the bus as it drives away and the sight of the faces you love so much wave as they round the corner and then turn away to laugh and giggle with friends.

We have a bit more time. The kids start school the day after Labor day. There is this mad rush to do as much as possible these last few weeks and get ready for the school year.

I remember being young and looking forward to school clothes shopping and the smell of a new box of crayons! Oh the possibilities!

Now those crayons represent possibilities for my kids.

A new school year, a new grade to master, new friendships, experiences and challenges.
And that goes double for the kids! LOL!

It's all in how you look at it, where's my focus?
Am I gonna focus on the silence? Or use that the silence to focus on the whispers?

Once that train moves down the track things are gonna sound a whole lot different!

Summer

 I love summer. I love what summer represents; Opportunities to spend what feels like endless time making fun! And we have had some fun, even in the misted of a foreclosure.

We have all gotten a nice tan, even though  we are heavily caked with SPF30. Summer started with soccer.

 Every week we would race to the fields, I would fret over what we had for dinner and how we had just wolfed down yet another hot dog or burger to get out the door and to the fields...then I would settle into my chair and watch in wonder as my kids chased the ball, kicking it to and fro and every so often getting lucky with a goal!

Nina had her first experience with going away to camp. If it wasn't for the move I think This would have hit me harder. It was only for 2 nights and she was going with on of her best friends.

She was completely open to going, ready to stretch that cord. She got quiet right before getting on the bus. I stayed and waved until the bus was out of sight. I was greeted in the morning with a camp picture on their facebook page.

There she is posing with her cabin-mates. Once I saw this I knew she would be just fine. And she was. In fact she came home stating: "And I want to go again and this time for a whole week!"

Yea, that might be something I need to ease into...

Another first: Fishing. We live near a lake, we bought the kids some poles. Nina Barbie, Nick Snoopy. It's a birth right in this family to have a Snoopy pole! (My first pole was Snoopy, Rob's first pole was Snoopy.)

 Nina caught the first fish. She was excited and scared. She wouldn't go near the fish, I had to reel it in, but she was very concerned that the fish was going to be hurt. I'm not sure she realizes that most of the time when you fish, it's for eating! Shh, lets not break that news yet.

 Oh and the boy, threw a fit because he hadn't caught one yet. His line spent more time OUT of the water then in, but he still couldn't understand why he wasn't catching anything.

Ice cream! Homemade. Store bought. Dairy Queen, you name it we've eaten a ton of it!

Legos. We have spent countless hours building totally awesome houses, cars and playgrounds! This is one of Nick's works. He was so proud he asked me: "Can you take a picture and put it on the computer so I can put it on Legos.com?"

 If you didn't know; I am a Harry Potter junky. So when I was at Target, in the lego aisle and saw THIS on clearance...

 Ah, yea, I snatched it up, went home and worked on it for an hour.  There is a light-up cauldron where the dragon hatches. A secret hiding spot for the Sorcerer's stone. A letter from Madame Maxime. And of course Argog, the giant spider, there are even spider babies that if they are left on there own make me want to grab a tissue and squish 'em!  Strict orders are nobody plays with Hagrid's house. If any of my Potter peeps go missing the cruciatus curse will be used...

 Summer has brought us many birthdays.

Cousin Blaine's first birthday.

Cousin Preston turned 5!

And this beautiful lady, Molly (center) will be turning 40 soon and her sweet husband planned a surprise party to celebrate her! (they live in a different state now) The three of us girls (Sarah A. is the lovely blond) first met nearly 6 years ago in a women's bible study. I cherish these friendships. Some of the other gals weren't able to make it, but it's the same every time we get together, we jump right back into things as if it were last week!

Then there are the festivals! The best one is coming soon; the state fair.

We recently saw Clifford the big red dog! I took Nina to meet Clifford when she was a little baby, so I begged her to get another picture. Nick was not going to do it either until I walked right up to Clifford and proclaimed "Clifford I love you so much! Can I hug you!" Which may or may not have freaked the person out inside there, but she did let me hug her and after that the kids came around. We also saw the Cat in the Hat go by on a golf cart. That was pretty cool too.

Speaking of "famous" I met someone at Miss Molly's birthday party. I won't say who yet, not until I get the picture of it...but it was someone from blog land and it was so unexpected I think I may have acted like a spaz. Once I get the picture I'll tell you the story, until then go get some ice cream, dip your toes in the pool, there is one month of summer left make the most of it; or if you live in the south, there's five more months of it...Here in Minnsota we are weeks away from apples and sweatshirts! I'm giddy just thinking about it!

Happy Summer Peeps!

Easter reflection.

Easter is the time of year that I reflect on the power of love.

The Love the Father has for us. The sacrifice of His love. The pain His loving heart endured for sin.

His love conquered sin.

We went to church on Saturday. Though it seems odd to go to church on Saturday, especially on Easter. It is just the day we go, it's convenient, it's less crowded especially on Easter.

The beginning of the service had both me and Rob choked up, I looked over at him and said "I won't be able to make it through this one if Pastor's "on"."

Our Pastor is a gifted man, and his messages MOVE people.

It was a wonderful, light-hearted, to the point message.

A well balance between the powerful, soul stirring, tear-jerking worship portion.

Sunday morning came and I found myself thinking:

He is not here...he has risen.

I opened the shade and it was the most beautiful sunshine day!

That does not happen up here very often.

The kids were dressed in their Easter outfits and READY to hunt some eggs.

I wanted to get one picture before sending them out...Just one before grass stains and hair tussles.

Do you think it was quick and easy?

 "Mom! This hurts my eyes! It's too bright."

"Roo! You are in the house! Put your hand down and smile."

 "It HURTS! Can't we just go out and look for the eggs?"

"No. Not until I get one picture. A GOOD one. Now put your hand down!" ~ Me

"ROO! Just put your hand down!" ~Butter

"Butter, you just keep smiling, let me worry about him. Roo, I'm serious, I WILL wait here ALL DAY."~ ME

 "MOM! I'm trying! It's too bright!"

"Roo, seriously, knock it off. It is sunnier OUTside. Your butt is going to hurt soon if you don't cooperate." ~Me (yes, I do threaten the spoon for noncooperation. Don't judge me. ;)

 FINALLY!

(Take that parenting to the bank! The spoon is magic. LOL)

 Just like I predicted grass and dirt stains, along with buckets full of eggs, that he consumed every ounce of chocolate.

It was time to head over to Nana and Papa's for dinner.

This picture took about four tries too. He is such a little stinker sometimes.



See that red face, that's from soaking up the sunshine. Oh man did that feel so good!

Happy Halloween.

Here's a little photo treat for Ya'll.

Soup with a side of sass.

I was a busy beaver this weekend, rummaging through the closets, organizing for the change of seasons. That is what I love so much about Minnesota. We've got four very different seasons, if we're lucky. Sometimes winter can drag on and on and summer can feel a bit short for those that like it hot and sticky. I happen to love autumn. The chill in the air, perfect for sweatshirts, fuzzy socks, bonfires and hearty warm soups and stews!

I did a little searching on the web, what a glorious thing! I could waste hours on food sites; scanning recipes!

I found this one that I wanted to share:

Hearty Tuscan White Bean.

I cooked it in the crock pot, letting the house fill with it's aroma while I dug out my beloved "bin of warmth", where I store fuzzy socks, pj's and sweaters in the summer. The thought of eating this when the pitching and ditching was done kept me going long after I wanted to throw up my hands and say forget it this is a complete mess!

It was SO good.

Grab your pens, or turn on the printer here we go:

Hearty Tuscan White Bean Soup

1/4 cup olive oil

1 medium onion,chopped

4 garlic cloves, minced

2 stalks celery,chopped

2 carrots, chopped

3 (14oz) cans of Chicken broth*

1 (14oz) can diced Tomatoes, undrained

2 (15oz) cans white beans, any variety

1 (10oz) packaged frozen, chopped Spinach thawed*

1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

1 bay leave

3/4~1cup macaroni, uncooked*

salt & pepper

grated parmesan cheese to serve

DIRECTIONS:

1. 
   
   Heat oil in 4 quart soup pot over medium heat.
2. 
   
   Add onion, garlic, carrots, celery and thyme. Cook until vegetables are tender. About 10 minutes.*
3. 
   
   Add chicken broth, tomatoes and bay leaf
4. 
   
   Drain beans and roughly mash about 1/2 of a can of beans. Add beans and mashed beans to pot.
5. 
   
   Squeeze the water from the thawed spinach*, add to pot
6. 
   
   Season with salt and pepper, simmer for at least 10 minutes and up to 30 minutes.
7. 
   
   Add macaroni, cook until tender according to directions on package.
8. 
   
   Serve sprinkled with grated parmesan cheese and a nice crusty bread.

* I cooked mine crock pot style so here are the changes I made.

• 
  
  I like my soup; soupy so I added 4 cans of broth, other wise there wasn't enough broth for my liking.
• 
  
  I forgot to by the frozen spinach, so I used the fresh bagged stuff.
• 
  
  I liked diatini noodles. {the little round tube ones, not elbow mac}
• 
  
  I cooked all my veggies according to the directions, at the very end I added my fresh spinach. Oh, the colors ROCKED!
• 
  
  Put it everything EXCEPT the noodles in the crock pot. I added the pasta when there was about 20 minutes left. next time I'll try 15...use your own judgement.

This soup was SO good, I think some mini italian sausage meatballs would do nicely in it too, but that is more for my husband then myself.

Now I wanted to share a moment with Butter. She is becoming such an opinionated young girl. She has likes and dislikes. Saturday was cool, and I had been working out in the garage most of the day, we went to my in-laws for dinner, where we sat outside until the sun went down. I felt chilled most of the day and decided it would be worth the wait for a bath.

Worth the wait you ask?

We have two bathrooms, one up, one down. Downstairs is the shower. We use everyday. Up is the bathtub; which has pressure issues. Since my husband does not plumb, nor do we have money to hire a plumber to fix it, we are left with a tub that takes 8 buckets from the kitchen sink or an hour to fill using the faucet the tub has now. so needless to say I don't have too many baths. But I decided I was going to have one; I'd light some candles, plug in the ipod and LOCK THE DOORS!

My daughter needed to brush her teeth, and I had prepared my sanctuary, all that I needed was one more bucket of steaming hot water and her to be done in the bathroom. As I came in with my final bucket she said to me: "Mom, why do you get candles? How come I never get candles?"

I sat there and rattled off a good 5 safety reasons in my head and chose my words carefully.

"Butter, I didn't know you wanted candles. Usually you want to play in the tub and that doesn't work with candles."

"Well, I want candles, and I don't play anymore. Besides we never get baths anyway. When can I have a bath? And candles?"

Again choosing my words carefully, because she forgets NOTHING; I said "We'll see how tomorrow goes, I'm not making any promises, but we'll see about tomorrow."

She didn't like my answer, but if I had said tomorrow and then didn't follow through she'd be crushed and I'd be crabby, because I would have been hounded to death.

She once asked me to go for a bike ride. Okay, fine, but it was right after dinner. I need time to digest, if I get out on the bike and have an "episode" then what?!?!? I told her to give me 10 minutes. {in my head I'm thinking ask me again in 10 minutes} She on the other hand set the darn timer and when it beeped declared "Okay Mom it's been 10 minutes lets go!"

Yes, I did go for a bike ride with her, but for good measure I told her I would let her know when I was ready; I made her wait another 10 minutes.

Back to the bath.

You'll be happy to know she got her candle-lit bath, but I do have to say it wasn't without complaint.
"Why do I only get 3 candles and Mommy had 7?" she asked her Dad. Had no idea there was counting and comparing going on but dually noted and for the RECORD Butter, because I am an adult and you are a child and I do have safety limits. It was enough worry for me to have the 3 in there AND give her privacy!!! Gotta love her sass!

Hobby

Do other stay at home Mother's question there sanity? Question the very thing they are doing; staying at home?
I absolutely loved every moment when I had babies. I did mildly well when I was toting toddlers.
Now I have one in second grade and one in half day kindergarten and there are moments that I think Huh, maybe I should be working. Maybe I've lost my desire to BE a stay at home Mom, maybe I want adult interaction, a deadline...WORK that doesn't require Mr. Clean, Tide or driving!
Maybe I've spent my entire adult life catering to kids that I am burnt out. I worked at an Elementary school while I was still in High school, I nannied in the summers and after I graduated I became a full time live-in nanny. After I figured out that being a live-in meant I had no social life what so ever I came home and worked as a nanny that actually had a quitting time. Then I worked at a center, a very up scale center. There were pluses and minuses to that. A big minus being I was the whipping girl for the director that thought "Hey, I can make this girl cry, she'll do what ever I tell her..." I ended up going back to being a nanny for a family that just kept having kids, without pay increases for the increase in work.
It sounds like a lot of complaining, believe me, I know; it's in my head first...
My point I guess is; I want to FIND something, some way to define myself before being a stay at home mom no longer does. I can't be a stay at home mom once my youngest is in first grade, that will just make people think I'm lazy.
Oh, she doesn't work...
It's not that I want a career, or even a job; although making some money would be a plus.
I wanted to use my time to give something to someone that doesn't have...
A stay at home mom needs a break from her crying infant.
An elderly woman can't do her grocery shopping anymore, or clean her house.
A busy family needs help making a meal or cleaning their house because they work all day and there just isn't time to do it.
I don't have money to give. I don't have big aspirations for wealth, fame or accomplishments. What I do have is time and a caring heart.
I love my kids. But to love them, I need to stop being their "everything Mom" and be their "here when they need me Mom" I'm no longer wanting to be the 24/7 entertainer/disciplinarian/moderator/Waiter/cook/house keeper/taxi
I need a hobby...
Tonight was open house at the kiddos school. It was a mad house. Kids running around, LOUD. It was chaos and parents were standing in the periphery just lost at how best to make through this. I had questions for the teachers. Roo is busy. "Energetic" is what his teacher called him. My mom brain interpreted that as "spazzy" I gave birth to this child, I know he can get wound up and well, spazzy. I just don't want him being a spaz in school. I want him to focus, to learn, to listen to what his teacher is saying, not to be wiggling around trying to make other laugh, or making silly faces, voices,noises; a spaz. She assured me that most kids were energetic and that the year just started and it takes them awhile to get into a routine. I know all these things, it's just, well I'm a spaz when it comes to behavior. I want my kids to behave, listen, be respectful. And when they are not, I become MANNERS SPAZ!
"What do we do when we want something?"
"say please"
"AND????"
"Thank you."
"If you are not allowed to do that at home what makes you think you can do it here?"
Shrug shoulders.
{whining} "I'm bored..."
"I could dump your drawers..."
Rob and I are concerned about Butter's reading, she just doesn't act interested in it, or interested in learning to. I'll admit we can be hard on her. (On both of them) It's not that we expect them to be SUPERSTARS or something, we just want them to do their best. Sometimes it doesn't look to us like they are even trying...
Butter's teacher assured us she is doing well. She is quiet, well-mannered {HEART REJOICING!}and she takes direction well. Again I gave birth to this girl and trust me when I say she isn't so well-mannered with us. A lot of sass comes our way,and that's fine, we're her safe place to fall, her home. But we also need to know she's learning to be herself out there only better.

Today I did something completely for me, not for a project or for any reason other then something to DO. I didn't need to, it's not important but yet it is.
I need to create. When that isn't something my brain gets to do I find myself on a one way street to crazy town.
Today for the first time since probably eighth grade or something I painted. And not with a rolling pin or on walls.
About a month ago I saved up my Michael's coupons and bought a pack of paints, some brushes and a pad of canvas. I didn't know when I'd start or what I'd paint, I just knew I wanted to try. I love colors. I can not draw to save my life, but I can put colors on paper. So that's what I started today. My daughter loved my "mistake" and my husband said my other painting was "Good". I said "You don't have to say that it's good because you're afraid to hurt my feelings. I know painting isn't my thing, but it feels good, so I'm gonna keep doing it and if by some miracle I like something I painted that is a bonus."
He went on to tell me it isn't as easy as it looks, which no, I don't expect to be able to make Starry Night on my first time holding a brush, nor do I want to make Starry Night...I just want to make colors carry my feelings. It made me happy.

Things my kid says...

I recently heard of a family whose son was very ill. He had meningitis, and his parents had to make the heart-wrenching decision to turn off the machines that were keeping him alive. We were talking about Cade over dinner, talking about how things happen and we have no control over them or idea that they are coming, but we have to rely on our FAITH and in God, that it's His plan, not ours.
Butter was very upset with the fact that the family had to decide to turn off the machines. She didn't really understand that it was the machines keeping Cade alive and that he would only BE alive as long as he stayed there in the hospital; hooked up to the machines. That his brain stopped working.
It isn't an easy thing to talk about, but we have Roo and you see, this little boy is so very smart. This was what he took away from it.
"So the body is like a car right Mom? And the car needs gas. And our bodies have gas right? The food we eat. I'll eat more helffy (healthy) stuff Mom, I promise. And a car needs to have oil because the engine wouldn't work without oil.  And our bloods our oil right? Cars need a key to start, if the car has no key it doesn't go."
"It won't go without the key no buddy."
"So his brain is the key then, and his body won't go without his brain?"
"That's right Roo."
He sat there quiet for a long time and let that sink in, after a bit he jumped down and left the table. I asked: "Where are you going?"
He said "Out to the car Mom, I'm gonna go honk the horn cause that's what you do Mom, you honk the horn when somebodies car doesn't work right. (He's remembering when I honk at people for not driving properly) I'm gonna honk it for Cade, cause his car doesn't work anymore."

I can not imagine the pain that this family is facing right now. I don't know them, I've never met Cade, but I have a friend whose life was touched by this boy. Would you do me a favor and say a prayer for this family, and if you feel like it, toot your horn for Cade.

We got spirit, yeh yeh we got spirit!

Today was Roo's first day of kindergarten. It was also the first game of the season for the Vikings, and wouldn't you know it; it was a rematch of the NFC Championship game. I can't say anything negative about the Saints, but I DO love me some Purple. So the iSass clan had to show their purple pride.

I love Butter's face! What you can't see is Roo and Wonderbread have the same jersey.

 #28 Adrian Peterson!

If I had gotten my act together sooner the dog would have sported some purple and gold too.

Now onto the firsts.

Butter looked so sweet on her first day. (Tuesday)

She was thrilled to be sharing a locker with a girl this year!

She just gets prettier every day, much to her Daddy's dislike, he's no where near ready for the boy thing.

I took Roo to his Kstart on Wednesday. Where he got his first homework assignment, met his teacher and learned about his classroom. His teacher asked how I was doing, now that both kiddos where in school and knowing Roo was watching, and what I've been telling people when asked: 

"PAR-TEY!"

So this morning before Butter went off to school she asked

"Mom what are you going to do while Roo and I are at school?"

Before I could answer Roo piped up and said:

"She's going to party with her friends!"

Butter: "What Molly,Tracy, Sarah and Pollie are going to come over?"

Roo: "YEAH! And they're going to play with all our STUFF!"

She put her hand on her hip and told me I was not allowed to go in her room and play with her things when she was gone.

After lunch (Thursday) Roo and I went outside to wait for his bus. While we were waiting he looked at me very seriously and said:

"Mom, are you really going to have a party?"

I answered "No, honey. This is actually a sad day for Mommy."

"Why?"

"Because for seven years I've been home with you and Butter and today you are going off to school."

He reached out and held my hand and said

"OH Mommy, I will come home after school!"

I smiled and said

"You WILL? You promise?"

He nodded, let go of my hand and said

"But don't play with my stuff Okay? Where's my bus?!?"

Good question; Where was that darn bus. We waited for 40 minutes, so I drove him up to school.

Parents were everywhere, some kids were crying, some parents were crying...I couldn't take it. I kissed his head and said "Have a good day buddy!" and booked it out of there. I was fine all day until I got around other parents. {Whose partying now?}

I went outside again to meet the bus after school, it was stinking 30 minutes late!

But they made it safe and sound.

It's now time to go watch some FOOTBALL!

{yes, I'm writing this before the game is played, I may not be able to talk write afterwards!}

**UPDATE**

Vikings lost. It wasn't a full out beating as I had feared, but a loss no the less. We still wear our purple with pride!

Looking fear in it's face and jumping!

I experienced a rare feeling this past Monday.
Complete and utter lack of control. See I really like control. I like driving the car. Pointing it in the direction I want to go.
God asks us to let him drive. He wants to be the one leading the journey. Buckle up cause he never says there won't be potholes, funky weather, flat tires or squeaky brakes.
Monday I sat back and watched my child take a giant leap of faith.
What I saw brought tears to my eyes and forced me to acknowledge that I have a trust issue!
Rob and I decided the kids needed to learn to swim. I am not a big fan of swimming, my idea of swimming is taking a few casual laps in a heated pool to wet myself just before spending some quality time on a floaty. I still plug my nose to go under and if fish live in the water I do go in. We have an agreement (fish and I) I stay out of their water and they don't end up on my plate for dinner. Now that I say that, I think the fish are getting the better part of that deal...
Anyways, For safety sake, we thought the kids learning the basics were a good idea, after that they can decide where and how much swimming they'd like to do.
It has been 6 weeks now into lessons and I have to say they are doing marvelous.
Neither one of them screams at bath time if water happens to fall in their face. If fact they laugh.
So I was watching class, and I noticed Butter's class was getting out of the pool. I looked at the clock and thought "Hmm, it's not time to go yet."
I watched them single file down the length of the pool toward the deep end.
Panic rose up in me. Butter had yet to fully go under, and she still wanted to plug her nose.
I watched as Conner (the teenage instructor) dove into the water and perched himself under the diving board. Butter won't even jump in the shallow end of the pool!
I was surprised to see she was third in line. THIRD. By her choice, third.
I kept thinking "Oh my. Oh my. What is she going to do? Will she chicken out? Will she just do it? Will she need help?"
The first little girl made her way to the end of the board and stood there and stood there and stood there. A good full minute. Then she gingerly sank to her bum, inching her toes toward the water and with her hands still clinging with a death grip lowered herself in. It was a riot to watch. I thought "Yep that will be Butter. She won't be able to let go and jump."
I yelled to Rob to get out and watch. (He was still in lessons with Roo and he needed his glasses to see our daughter)
I also wanted him ready in case she panicked.
The second kid was up, again gingerly making his way to the end of the board. This time another instructor came out and helped him. She held his hands and dropped him in. I clapped and cheered. I wanted the kids to know how exciting it was.
Then it was Butter's turn. I watched my child climb right up the ladder onto the board and walk straight out onto it. I could she she was nervous, but this child was determined not to let fear get her. The hesitation at the end of the board brought out the other instructor again. Butter looked from her to Conner below and nodded.
She was going to do it!
My baby girl was going to get dropped in the deep end of the pool and she was choosing to trust those around her!!! Strangers. She was trusting strangers...She was looking fear right in the face and CHOOSING to go through it!
I have to admit I was crying. My heart swelled with pride as I watched her take those last few steps and then let go into the water.
SHE DID IT!!
I clapped and cheered. Rob cheered and Roo was crying that he didn't get to use a noodle today.
I watched her climb out of the pool and wipe her face and then I watched her get back in line!
She wanted to go again!
She waited patiently while all the other kids went. I cheered each one of them on. (I was the only one clapping and cheering, what is wrong with these people? Our kids just went off the board! Didn't matter, I was impressed with all of them. especially my Butter. She had fear of water, and a stubborn attitude that she knew how to swim and didn't want lessons!)
It was a full-circle moment for her.
Finally she was the last to go, She walked down the board and jumped right in. Conner was right there and I couldn't hear what he was saying but I could see the look on her face and that girl was so proud of herself.
We hugged and kissed her. For me it was very emotional. As parents we want our kids to succeed, we want what is best for them and mostly we never want them to feel fear or be scared or have pain or hurts of any kind. We want to control the things to do so we can keep them "safe". But when a time comes where we have to release them to it...oh the trust...oh the sheer pain of releasing...
Later in the hallway, while we were waiting for Rob and Roo, Butter said "Conner thinks I'm a good swimmer."
It made me giggle, she's liked Conner from the very first day. Conner is like her David Cassidy, Donnie Osmond or Zac Efron...Conner IS...well CONNER.
"Really? Is that what he was telling you after you jumped?"
She turned away and then looked back at me "NO!!!!!!" She is so sassy.
Then she said "He told me I was brave. That he liked that I went twice and just jumped in."
"Were you scared?"
"Uh huh. The first time, but Conner caught me."
I have a sneaking suspicion she liked when Conner holds her. (In a very sweet and innocent way!)
"I'm glad you like Conner and trust him."
"Well, I DO like him and even if he's a boy and doesn't wear a shirt I still like him."
I'm trying to figure out how I can get Conner to come live with us, can you imagine what she'd do? I'd never have to ask her to clean her room again if Conner told her it was messy!
I am so proud of my girl and so very thankful to young Mr. Conner for doing something I couldn't. Give her confidence to try something out of her comfort zone.
See because no matter WHAT I say, it's what I DO that she learns from. I am the comforter. I am the one who wants to protect her. So even if I say she should try something, she knows I will be there to comfort her, the confidence has to come from within, from experiences, from letting go.