Break into Spring!

They (the weather people) are talking 70 sometime this week. This is crazy talk for Minnesota, see, we all know the March Madness curse. we can't get through March without some kind of snow dumping. Oh, it's real. So when I here 70's in March...I get giddy! I love when there is a possibility of lovely weather on my birthday! What better way to celebrate then shopping for new flip flops and eating lunch outside! without bugs! (cause they haven't caught on yet that it's nice out)

Or getting something like this:

look at and smell.

Which then makes me want to make these:

To remind me of the real thing and to add a little pizazz...

If only I had a work space like this to blog in and create and sew...

Ooh la la, yes!

Look at that sun shining through the window, makes me want to go outside for a walk and smell the damp spring air that promises of budding flowers and Robins...

Mom, did you say walk? I heard you say walk mom! Are we going for a walk?

Why do you need to paint your toes for walking?



Speaking of Robins, they lay the most gorgeous colored eggs, it makes me so sad to she little broken shells on the ground...but what a beautiful color...

(My husband hates feet, any and all feet. I told him about this little person at family camp I remembered, he had no arms and did everything with his feet. Like ate, holding a fork...I was a fascinated little 5 year old. I said "What if I had no arms and had to use my feet? Would you still love me? Would you hold my foot, like in the movie theater or on a walk?" He said "I may have to go blind. and don't ask me to inter-lace fingers with your toes..." Nearly made me pee my pants.)

 Then there is this one...

That is "thelook". She wants something, and she will stare at you until she gets it. What does she want?

Well, she wants to be outside, enjoying the sun...Sorry Tabitha, we renters now, there is no yard for you to safely go outside in. :0(

I better get some catnip to smooth things over. I should pick up some jello too, so I can make this:

Rainbow jello with a gold coin!

I'm breaking into Spring, I just hope April showers are kind...

all pictures have links back to sites, and are on my pinterest boards.



Debut

Yesterday was the debut of a Interpret Sass's new blog design. It isn't perfect and I'm not sure how long pink will last...I'm more blues-y. But for some reason this flower inspired me...

Ranunculus.

I love the how the color fades light and dark, it's kinda moody.

Like me, a bit.

I like how the stems bend and twist, yoga like. And I like yoga, I also like when God bends my heart in a direction I wasn't sure I'd go...

Pink is pretty.

I've never thought myself pretty...

I little make-up, a fancy outfit, a cute pair of shoes they help me feel pretty...

But I have always struggled with the For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. ~ Psalm 139.13-14

Yeah, that's not really what I see when I look in the mirror. I see a little too much "packaging" around the middle section. Some grey gray grrr...ay hairs making there early and unwanted appearance.

I see fine lines of living, and these weird skin taggy things...what is that?!

I see a wife, a mother, a lover of books and blogging...

And since blog is a "virtual" world, I thought I should have a "virtual" me.

istock is full of talented artist. I happen to find one that was the perfect fit.

I mean look at her? How cute is she?

It has been a lot of work trying to figure out HTML

I decided to stick with Blogger at least for now. I can work in Blogger, Wordpress is a struggle to me.

So where am I going with all this?

I really don't know for sure, but I do know that it's been on my heart to talk about my depression.

Nobody really talks about it.

I understand why...

God has been turning my heart in so many ways, in regards to letting my guard down.

Yesterday I talked about friendship. I have been hurt deeply in this area, walls went up, that are still up today.

I know that is not how God wants me to live, I also know it is painful and scary chipping away the bricks and mortar.

Now for the Joy Dare:

4) one gift old, new & blue

Gift: Old

The computer we got from Rob's old job, they didn't want it back.

It's where I did everything online...

Until...

Gift:

New

iPad2 came into my life. I did not know how much I would love this thing.

It is where I do everything online now. (although, blog posting is easier from the computer, the app just isn't the same.)

Gift:

Blue

I got a skin for iPad...

Now I never have to ask, "Have you seen my iPad?" when I forget where I set it. She's all decked out and purdy; can't miss it now.

Train.

I feel it coming. Roaring in the distance like a train. Warning me get out of the way, off the track, It's coming. Like it or not. It has a schedule to keep.
Every year in the middle of August: the school year approaches.
I have mixed emotions about it.
I tease the kids: "Party time for Mommy!"
But it feels more like scab picking.
There is this wound, under a thin layer of skin, that after the summer tan fades and peels away exposes it closer to the surface. It takes really nothing at all to pick the scab and start to bleed.
I will be alone.
Alone.
I prize those moments when the house is quiet, but when the bus comes; the house goes silent.
My son, my baby starts first grade.
First grade= all day school.
There will be no slow mornings snuggling on the couch together.
No lunch rush to make the afternoon bus.
There will only be the morning rush, a flutter of activity to wake, clothe, and feed children and organize backpacks in order to get to the bus stop on time.
Then I will close the door and be embraced by silence.
I've never done well in silence. There are too many thoughts that bluster their way into my head.
I get side tracked; Jesus is waiting, but suddenly in the brouhaha of thoughts he is forgotten.
I don't like admitting that.

I'm suppose to be this rock, this pillar of motherly, wifely, Godly strength, focus and service.

So why does the speeding "school" train bother me so much?

From as young as I can remember, I wanted to matter. I wanted to be needed. I wanted to feel like I was really part of something good. Irreplaceable.

The season of raising young kids is ending in my life and I am grieving it.
It is raw and painful, distracting and unnerving.
I know where I need to focus. Jesus.
I have plans for us to be good great friends this year.

But right now all I can hear is that stupid train coming.


The roar of the bus as the brakes are engaged. The clicking of the lights, changing from yellow to red.
That sound of the door opening, the sound of the feet climbing those steep steps, the sound of the voices lost as the door closes and locks it's contents in. The roar of the bus as it drives away and the sight of the faces you love so much wave as they round the corner and then turn away to laugh and giggle with friends.

We have a bit more time. The kids start school the day after Labor day. There is this mad rush to do as much as possible these last few weeks and get ready for the school year.

I remember being young and looking forward to school clothes shopping and the smell of a new box of crayons! Oh the possibilities!

Now those crayons represent possibilities for my kids.

A new school year, a new grade to master, new friendships, experiences and challenges.
And that goes double for the kids! LOL!

It's all in how you look at it, where's my focus?
Am I gonna focus on the silence? Or use that the silence to focus on the whispers?

Once that train moves down the track things are gonna sound a whole lot different!